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How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

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Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#111

Post by elorant »

xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

The problem with being attractive as a male is twofold. You're constantly antagonized by other males, even in the most trivial things, and it's harder to been taken seriously because most people correlate good looks with low intelligence. Bottom line is that you have to try harder than everyone else because everywhere you go you'll face hostility, especially in the corporate world.

For example, it took me a lot of years to realize why men where constantly bragging about their lives when I first met them. Initially I thought that this is common, that everyone does it. But it turns out that they do it because I'm good looking and they feel disadvantageous, even if I downplay the way I look. Imagine how it feels if pretty much everyone you meet comes with you with a fake personality. It wears you down and makes relationships too difficult.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#112

Post by jokoon »

I started relationships at the age of 24, I was really impressed how easy it was for me. I always thought I was some kind of nerd loser, which I still feel I am.

During all my life my method was always to slowly ask personal questions and "open up" people, let them talk about themselves, their job and skills.

What people love is to let them talk about their problems, without criticizing them about it. I think I learned that from therapy. Once you do that, people are hooked and it's a pretty good way to learn about them. It's not manipulative as long as you don't exploit it against them or for your interest, which is really evil (and they will notice it very quickly).

Then of course, you should always open up yourself if the person opened up to you, and that can be difficult, generally you should talk about yourself without necessarily waiting for the other person to ask.

I always felt those things were kind of manipulative, but I asked and it seems they're not.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#113

Post by watwut »

bardworx wrote: post #101
xor1 wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>And for whatever reasons, I'm more attracted to talking to these (unattractive) people than some Brad Pitt look-a-likes. They tend to make me feel more at ease. I'm actually really interested in why you feel this way, if you could go into more detail.

I can expand a bit on @jaequery's comments, as well as elaborate on "attractiveness", in general. I worked in hospitality (bars/restaurants) for a decade before moving into tech. Working behind "the stick" you get to witness a lot of human interaction. @jaequery may feel more comfortable around people who are not Brad Pitt look-a-like because he/she doesn't have judge them (that much) and, hence, does not have to wor…

Every single time a girl is talking with a guy and thus making model, a guy is talking with a girl too.

In any case, most girls are not approached from a young age by hundreds or thousands of guys thou. Only few very super popular girls are like that. Tomboy girls also have a lot of experience of talking with guys, but only in their group of friends, hardly hundreds. Both groups are not even close to being majority of girls.

Less then super popular girls exist, really :).

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#114

Post by xor1 »

elorant wrote: post #111
xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

The problem with being attractive as a male is twofold. You're constantly antagonized by other males, even in the most trivial things, and it's harder to been taken seriously because most people correlate good looks with low intelligence. Bottom line is that you have to try harder than everyone else because everywhere you go you'll face hostility, especially in the corporate world. For example, it took me a lot of ye…

>because most people correlate good looks with low intelligence

Where is this coming from?? I'd argue the opposite of this, if anything.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#115

Post by jaequery »

xor1 wrote: post #88
jaequery wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I might be coming at this from a different angle but I think it comes down to competition. Well, I don't have any scientific proofs per se (bleh) but I think we are generally hard-coded from our DNA to try/want to be the most attractive. It's only when you are well aware it's not a threat, you'd be able to lower your guard down. Now, if we are talking about opposite sex, then that's a whole another type of conversati…

I am going to assume that you don't consider yourself to be exceptionally attractive. Correct me if I'm wrong. So, with that assumption, if you were able to wake up tomorrow morning and be on par with a "Brad Pitt" lookalike, how do you think that your reaction to interacting with them would change? What about with the other group of people that you currently prefer to engage with? After thinking about that, would yo…

don't make me laugh. slaps xor1 around a bit with a large trout

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#116

Post by pwdisswordfish »

Baeocystin wrote: post #46
bitL wrote: post #5

Am I the only person that feels "hacking other people" for my own benefit is wrong?

It's not a hack. It's SYN/ACK.

You know you're in a place for nerds when you see social interaction being explained in terms of TCP/IP instead of the other way around.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#117

Post by rimliu »

dkarapetyan wrote: post #57
xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

Are you for real? Develop substance my friend. The rest is all cosmetic and won't take you far.

If you are not attractive the likely scenario is that not many will want to be around you long enough to discover substance.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#118

Post by Kiro »

AndrewOMartin wrote: post #36

I've been the recipient of active listening on more than one occasion and it's made me want to tear that persons lungs out through their mouth. It feels like you're the victim of a corrupt bureaucrat's evil stalling tactic.

Care to elaborate? What exactly did the person do wrong? Seems like a very strange thing to be upset about.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#119

Post by brenschluss »

shiz wrote: post #104
vinceguidry wrote: post #78

Everything about this is highly contextual and varies across cultures. Smiling in some situations makes you look powerful, in many others it makes you look weak. Being very animated can make you look carefree in some situations and just wild in others. The more time I spend in cultures that I didn't grow up in, the more convinced I become that there just aren't any universalities in this direction. Any attempt to do…

I'd like to know the culture where smiling is seen differently. It is the global symbol of happiness and tells everybody on earth "i'm a friend" or at least "i'm friendly".

Ever been to Eastern Europe or Russia?

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#120

Post by Broken_Hippo »

shiz wrote: post #104
vinceguidry wrote: post #78

Everything about this is highly contextual and varies across cultures. Smiling in some situations makes you look powerful, in many others it makes you look weak. Being very animated can make you look carefree in some situations and just wild in others. The more time I spend in cultures that I didn't grow up in, the more convinced I become that there just aren't any universalities in this direction. Any attempt to do…

I'd like to know the culture where smiling is seen differently. It is the global symbol of happiness and tells everybody on earth "i'm a friend" or at least "i'm friendly".

There are a lot of examples of the differing meaning of a smile when you google it. Sometimes it is simply not appropriate to smile. I'm not sure if there are any culture that sees them as entirely evil, but a few do have a concept of an evil grin, a concept that sits alongside the smiles being friendly. It doesn't seem to be a stretch that a mistimed smile might make you look like a loon and other such differing beliefs.

https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2016/05/culture-... https://blog.allpsych.com/smiling-means-different-things-in-... https://www.translatemedia.com/us/blog-us/the-meaning-of-a-s...

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