I always try to play the game of "don't say a thing about yourself until someone asks" and it always works wonders. Everyone loves me since all I do is ask questions, giving them an opportunity to speak about themselves. It seriously makes me hate people though since so few actually asks anything back.
How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
121–130 of 205 posts
Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
#122I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…
Please stop, you are wrong. Im attractive and people hate me. Have you ever considered whats its like to be attractive? People are instantly jealous of you and hate you. And they make sure to lay judgement into you -- if you arent whip smart they will tear you down just like anyone else. I know ugly, average looking and good looking people who all do very well with people and in life. It comes down to your intelligen…
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Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
#123Skimming through the article, I observed that they missed the most important step one must do to get better at talking to people: Practice! One doesn't learn how to write code without writing code. One also doesn't learn how to tie their shoes without actually tying shoes. So it follows that one doesn't learn how to become good at people without talking to people. You've gotta go out! And I'm not talking about grabbi…
Please, don't practice on me. Maybe to some it is fine to approach people and be rejected, but for me it is not ok being interrupted by random strangers.
Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
#124I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…
Don't confuse looks and attractiveness. In person attractiveness is mostly not about looks.
One of the ugliest men I know is also the most attractive to others (yes both sexes): confidence, warmth, a dash of rascality and a great sense of vitality and fun.
People want poetry in their lives...not to admire each other's perfect eyelids.
Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
#125Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'd like to know the culture where smiling is seen differently. It is the global symbol of happiness and tells everybody on earth "i'm a friend" or at least "i'm friendly".
Ever been to Eastern Europe or Russia?
It is still a sign of happiness there. Only these people do not believe that one can be happy all the time so constant smiling comes off as insincere.
There is a Russian saying "Смех без причины - признак дурочины" — smiling without a reason is a sign of stupidity.
Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
#126I started paying attention to people and discovered a lot of this on my own over the course of three years. At some point i realized that whenever i talked to someone their eyes would glaze over and their face would go stony. Then theyd talk to someone else and their eyes would become focused and their face alive and animated. Laughter. I figured out this was because they didnt care about what i was saying or about m…
There is a lot of wisdom in your comments here. Especially impressive for the fact that the whole situation is obviously counter-intuitive for you.
Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
#127I always try to play the game of "don't say a thing about yourself until someone asks" and it always works wonders. Everyone loves me since all I do is ask questions, giving them an opportunity to speak about themselves. It seriously makes me hate people though since so few actually asks anything back.
Something happens to me with a certain frequency and I have yet to understand it. In a social group of people who are just getting to know each other, there are people I run into who only ask questions, and so I find the constant question-asking to be a defense mechanism (if that's the right term). That is, "I don't know how to go about talking to random people but if I just keep the questions coming, it'll be easier for me."
So there are times when I feel all I've done is talk about myself and it makes me uncomfortable in the end. The only option open to me in these circumstances is to force the direction of the conversation on them. When I've just uttered the last word to the answer of the question they've asked, they ask me a follow-up before I've taken my next breath, so I'd have to force "enough about me, what's your experience with ____?" When I run into such a person, I usually give up and just answer all their questions. It's not that I don't want to know about them.
Do you find any truth in this or has it ever happened to you, on either end of the spectrum?
Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
#128Earlier quoted context omitted.
Yes! My favorite tactic to get people talking about themselves comes from Paul Ford: Just ask the other person what they do, and right after they tell you, say: “Wow. That sounds hard.” Because nearly everyone in the world believes their job to be difficult. I once went to a party and met a very beautiful woman whose job was to help celebrities wear Harry Winston jewelry. I could tell that she was disappointed to be…
"She kept touching me as she talked. I forgave her for that." Salesmen/Saleswomen know a pat on the back or a touch on the arm can be very disarming. When a stranger touches me purposefully I cannot help but scrutinize the "why?".
They touch you to make you feel something when they say the words.
The pros even touch you at a specific words in their sentence so you subconsciously remember those words.
Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
#129Earlier quoted context omitted.
I can't quite put a finger on it but "Wow. That sounds hard." potentially risks coming off as patronizing.
I prefer "That's really interesting; what's a day in your life like?" People love talking about this because people spend most of their lives working, so most of their life is work.
I find this to be a good approach too, unless they're in the midst of a PhD program, then they have zero interest in talking about their day cause their dissertation is all-consuming.
Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
#130I always try to play the game of "don't say a thing about yourself until someone asks" and it always works wonders. Everyone loves me since all I do is ask questions, giving them an opportunity to speak about themselves. It seriously makes me hate people though since so few actually asks anything back.
I'm kind of the same. It's amazing how few people will actually ask about you. I often wonder if I'm giving them the rare opportunity to talk about themselves, or if they're like this all the time.