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How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

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Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#61

Post by bnjms »

rrherr wrote: post #4
tyingq wrote: post #2

The best bit of advice in the article: The right question is “How do I get them talking about themselves?“ I've noticed that even if the only thing you do is ask someone their opinion, and listen attentively, there is some sort of distortion field effect. They will often later recall you as knowledgeable, insightful, etc...even though you never did anything but ask questions.

Yes! My favorite tactic to get people talking about themselves comes from Paul Ford: Just ask the other person what they do, and right after they tell you, say: “Wow. That sounds hard.” Because nearly everyone in the world believes their job to be difficult. I once went to a party and met a very beautiful woman whose job was to help celebrities wear Harry Winston jewelry. I could tell that she was disappointed to be…

What a lovely little piece with some delightful quotes. Thank you for sharing.

I’ve found that people will fear your enthusiasm and warmth, and wait to hear the price. Which is fair. We’ve all been drawn into someone’s love only to find out that we couldn’t afford it.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#62

Post by matrix_escape »

dkarapetyan wrote: post #57
xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

Are you for real? Develop substance my friend. The rest is all cosmetic and won't take you far.

You are wrong actually. Maybe you havent had the experience of being bad looking, but people will treat you very differently in everything they do.

Objectively, its a big advantage to being good looking, once you get past your own biases of not wanting to believe it.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#63

Post by xor1 »

dkarapetyan wrote: post #57
xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

Are you for real? Develop substance my friend. The rest is all cosmetic and won't take you far.

I have substance. You're completely delusional if you think that being good-looking will ever be anything other than a benefit. An extremely significant one at that.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#64

Post by Baeocystin »

throwaway2016a wrote: post #48
Baeocystin wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It really, honestly doesn't. A good conversationalist knows how to draw trust from their partner. One of the great benefits of learning how to listen and respond with genuine interest is that you can pierce the walls people put up. There is no one 'key'; it only comes with practice.

Personally, I have never met an adult[1] in my life who can start a sentence with "Wow" and come off as convincing. "Wow" just sets off my bull shit detector (rightly or not). Albeit that doesn't prove you are wrong. It could also mean I haven't ever met a "good conversationalist" who has used that word with me. Seeing as I have read "How to Win Friend's An Influence People" (twice) and 90% of the people I know do th…

When considering soft things like conversational flow, try not to get too focused on the use of any one particular word. Look to the intent behind the phrase. "Wow, that sounds hard" is fundamentally 1) an expression of genuine acknowledgement, and 2) an opening to learn more about what is clearly important to the person you're talking to.

The skill is in finding something about your partner that you can say these things honestly about. You do that, and whatever actual words you use to express it don't really matter that much. The emotional intent behind your words will ring clear.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#65

Post by Baeocystin »

tyingq wrote: post #50
Baeocystin wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It really, honestly doesn't. A good conversationalist knows how to draw trust from their partner. One of the great benefits of learning how to listen and respond with genuine interest is that you can pierce the walls people put up. There is no one 'key'; it only comes with practice.

I disagree. If you're already defensive about your job, you may be prone to misinterpret that statement as sarcasm, even when delivered perfectly. I imagine there's safer comments or questions you could go with.

You're right, in that there are some people that are minefields. But I do think most people who aren't natural conversationalists greatly overestimate their number. Most folks genuinely want to connect, and it only takes the slightest of pushes to break the ice. Extrovert, introvert... It doesn't really matter, in terms of short-length discussion. People are people.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#66

Post by jaequery »

xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

Idk, although I kind of get the gist of what you are saying, I've met plenty of unattractive people who are pleasant to be with. And for whatever reasons, I'm more attracted to talking to these (unattractive) people than some Brad Pitt look-a-likes. They tend to make me feel more at ease. Different strokes for different people I guess.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#67

Post by onmobiletemp »

xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

Please stop, you are wrong. Im attractive and people hate me. Have you ever considered whats its like to be attractive? People are instantly jealous of you and hate you. And they make sure to lay judgement into you -- if you arent whip smart they will tear you down just like anyone else. I know ugly, average looking and good looking people who all do very well with people and in life. It comes down to your intelligence, not how you look. Please dont mutilate your face like a south korean teenager. Just like them you will find thay its not worth it.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#68

Post by throwayedidqo »

onmobiletemp wrote: post #67
xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

Please stop, you are wrong. Im attractive and people hate me. Have you ever considered whats its like to be attractive? People are instantly jealous of you and hate you. And they make sure to lay judgement into you -- if you arent whip smart they will tear you down just like anyone else. I know ugly, average looking and good looking people who all do very well with people and in life. It comes down to your intelligen…

Are you female? Most of my attractive male friends are surrounded by both sexes but being an attractive female seems to make you a pariah.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#69

Post by xor1 »

jaequery wrote: post #66
xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

Idk, although I kind of get the gist of what you are saying, I've met plenty of unattractive people who are pleasant to be with. And for whatever reasons, I'm more attracted to talking to these (unattractive) people than some Brad Pitt look-a-likes. They tend to make me feel more at ease. Different strokes for different people I guess.

>And for whatever reasons, I'm more attracted to talking to these (unattractive) people than some Brad Pitt look-a-likes. They tend to make me feel more at ease.

I'm actually really interested in why you feel this way, if you could go into more detail.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#70

Post by gliese1337 »

dkarapetyan wrote: post #57
xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

Are you for real? Develop substance my friend. The rest is all cosmetic and won't take you far.

Given that the whole point of the post you're responding to seems to be precisely that cosmetics do in fact take you quite far, and substance isn't, in his experience, as important as he was led to believe... I rather doubt simply asserting that looks don't matter is going to change his opinion.
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