It sounds like your primary problem here is anxiety. You may want to look into seeing a psychiatrist and getting some medication. It's been very helpful for me, especially in social contexts like pull requests. But without or without medication, it's a problem you need to be mindful of and work towards on a daily basis. It isn't easy, and I frequently find myself feeling a lot like what you're describing, but it has been getting better for me. Don't give up.
Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?
101–110 of 249 posts
Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?
#102Hey, OP. Impostor syndrome sucks. Everyone has it. This industry is a bunch of nerds (and this part is not pejorative, I am one) who spent most of their lives being identified by how smart they were and they are culturally incentivized (and this one is pejorative, because tech culture is trash, but it's not your fault unless you perpetuate it, so don't!) to be desperate to win the approval of their peers by how bulgi…
This is excellent advice, I'd like to emphasize one point that gets missed a lot, change the game.
The basis for the negativity here is a "score" which you, the OP, have scored in a way that makes you feel like a loser. Try not to get suckered into that. It is really hard to do but write down all of the things you aspire to. It can be trivia knowledge it can be computer languages known, it can be chemical constants memorized it can be states capitals. Doesn't matter what but it has to be honest and come from inside you.
You might say, "I want to be a valued employee." (a bit self serving but its an example). Now you need want to find out an objective way to evaluate your value. Talk to your boss, talk to your peers, talk to others. Ask them what do they consider valuable in employees. Collect all of that data and write it down, now rank it based on your internal values. What do you consider makes you a valuable employee. If there are things that aren't on the list write those down. Do one last checked with your boss and peers about what you think the top 10 things are that make someone valuable to see how close you are to consensus. Now for each of the things on your list, write down three things; first a way that value is demonstrated, second a way that value is diminished, and third an activity that you can practice that will contribute positively to that value.
It may seem like a crazy thing to spend your time on but the key is that you will have turned a fuzzy thing into something that can guide your actions. And if you ever want to know if you're valuable you can go through the list and see the things you've done to contribute to your value. And when you're thinking about what to get done you can prioritize by your value structure. This is basically a away for you to convert an implicit (and ever changing) score, into an explicit and measurable thing.
Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?
#103Been through exactly same phase. Looking back I did this:
1. Keep trying, never stop 2. Be with positive people , friends 3. Engage in somtheing else like sports....takes your mind off... I played cricket and went to gym every day....wasn't easy but it helps slowly 4. Work hard, don't give yourself that free time to think.... You know what Empty mind is capable of.... 5. Don't hesitate to take a step back, you dont have to be genius or do what others are doing..
Best of Luck
Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?
#104Hey, I'm a software engineer just like you, I was laid off and spent 6 months trying to get a job. It took awhile to get a job offer, and then took awhile to find the right one (I applied to 40+ companies). I went through a deep depression with every rejection. It was very discouraging. As you say, it can feel hit or miss, and it's tough to get the answer right under pressure, and very difficult. So here's my advice from my own experience:
1. Absolutely go find a therapist. No matter the stigma, even if your wife or someone else disapproves. Find a few that seem right, and pick the one that feels best, and they will help ground you in reality.
2. Consider Meditation. Research it online, whether it's literal guided meditation (headspace and calm are good apps for this) or in another form (sport, gardening, hobbies). This can help you get by in some tough spots.
3. Improve yourself. If you had not practiced for interviewing, you can start and apply again in a few months. There are many resources (hackerrank, Cracking the Code interview) etc. Practice over and over, that's what makes good people great. You will fail more times than succeeding and that's fine, there's no reason to be ashamed. Just don't quit. Many of the great people of our day became great through practice. If engineering is what you care improve, or you're passionate about something else, then start practicing and improving in that. It'll help with your self worth when you can see your own progress in things you care about. Be that a cool raspberry pi project, a dinky website, or something else.
If it all sounds rather handwavy and you'd rather stick with a concrete approach consider: Serotonin, Dopamine, Endorphins, Cortisol. Begin activities or methods that will regulate/raise the former three, and lower the latter. Finding the motivation to do any or all of these will not be easy, you probably won't want to many days, as that can be the nature of depression, but start with one, or a little bit of one and build. Any of the above can help with that.
Stay the course and remember, you are more than a job, more than what your peers think of you, more than what your manager thinks of you, more than the puzzles you could or could not solve, more than your perceived intelligence, more than your savings, and more than what your wife thinks is OK when it comes to staying or leaving your job. You have all the tools to be happy, you just have to sift through the clutter to find them :).
Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?
#105Working with smarter people in the room who give you valuable feedback on your code (valuable assumes they don't just just tell you what to change, but also why, so you can make better judgements) means you are becoming a better developer. You are lucky to have that.
Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?
#106OP:
PLEASE POST AN EMAIL ADDRESS. Just make a fake one. You need to know something.
Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?
#107Earlier quoted context omitted.
> It's -stupidly- rare for people to 'figure out' the question in an interview ...really? I've heard of people failing interviews at the Big4 because they solved the problem, but did it sub optimally.
Generally people are looking for a preferred solution, solving the problem, but not in the preferred way is usually not enough. This isn't good or anything (though, sometimes there's the really obvious super slow way, and its appropriate to ask for something better), its just the way it is. This is especially pronounced with junior interviewers, I've gotten dinged for missing capitalization on one variable in an othe…
Amen. I would give you gold if we were on Reddit.
Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?
#108Earlier quoted context omitted.
IBM research and pro tennis. Has to be trolling!
I was on a tennis scholarship and played a season of pro tournaments until it was apparent that tennis was not my future. Joined IBM upon graduation. Why is this not plausible?
>>Why is this not plausible?
Because your probably the only person in history to have played professional tennis and worked at IBM research? I await your counterexample to disprove this reasoning. :)
Seriously, I think the trolling comment was sarcasism, and your post was actually good advice for the OP.
Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?
#109Why are you defining yourself by your job?
First of all, you work at a Big 4. You're already in the top 90% of companies that are hiring.
Second, even if you're only able to get an offer at some "unprestigious" company - who cares? You're more than a job. You're a unique individual with a unique perspective and a ton to offer to this world.
You got into a Big 4. That is not an easy feat, and clearly you are a smart individual.
Recognize that you're in control of your own life. If you want it bad enough, then work for it, and you will achieve it. I don't know what type of work you're doing, but I'd wager it's probably not unsolved cutting edge theoretical physics type work. That's fine. My point is that you can prepare for it. And if you don't want to prepare for it - don't. Who cares, it's your life, live it how you want.
Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?
#110Many great comments here which hopefully help, and I'm not going to address the anxiety/depressive side of the coin - others have done that better.
One piece of advice I got from a manager around interviewing was to be trying to interview somewhere every 3 to 6 months. He's incredibly happy in his role but he interviews to a) find out about new opportunities/products/technologies but b) so that when he finds that one job he really wants he is well versed and ready to nail the shit out of the interview.
You're clearly a smart guy. Do a little study on interview techniques + up the volume of interviews (plus reduce the stress/emphasis on any one interview) and I think you'll surprise yourself with how great you really are.