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My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

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Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#181

Post by mendelsd »

nextos wrote: post #45
novakinblood wrote: post #11

All I can say is you're not alone. I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, have 4 kids (youngest is 7months) and I'm going through therapy and working on medication. It's aggravating because for me the medication takes time to make a difference. Also I'm working on 2 engineering jobs to make ends meet. The thing that has helped is opening up to a select few of friends. I am not the kind of person to open…

Have you checked your thyroid? There's a potential causal link between hypothyroidism and depression.

Depression is in fact a well-known symptom of an underactive thyroid [1].

Bear in mind that the reference range doctors use to determine whether your thyroid is healthy is considered too wide by some experts [2] - this will result in false negatives.

The treatment for thyroid disease and resultant thyroid underactivity is (synthetic) replacement thyroid hormone. I'd rather take a replacement hormone than a pharmaceutical drug with its side-effects. Not to mention hypothyroidism is a risk factor for heart disease and more, so better to address it than treat individual symptoms.

[1] http://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/health-topics/en...

[2] http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16148345

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#182

Post by waffl »

I've read through almost this entire thread and was wondering if anyone has advice for someone whose is trying to support a loved one through a fairly significant depressive episode?

While I imagine that the major benefit comes from personal will within the depressed individual, does anyone have any positive experience where a loved one or friend was able to provide support in a meaningful and beneficial way?

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#183

Post by studentrob »

grahamburger wrote: post #47
a3n wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I get so tired of comments like yours. What are we supposed to do then? The best first advice is to get professional help. That doesn't mean "get drugs," it means start the evaluation process, which may or may not include drugs, therapy, exercise, whatever. Go ahead and recommend exercise or herbal remedies or whatever, but I believe one should strongly direct a sufferer to professional help first. The closer and m…

Of course, suggest getting professional help first. But as a random internet board commenter, I can't drive them to the doctor. And for many people suffering from depression (I've been there, many of us have) getting to the doctor may as well be getting to the moon. But for me, if I could just get outside, things started to look just a little bit better, and maybe I could make it down the street. And then things look…

Amen. The drones in this thread calling only for professional help and accepting no other comments are mind numbing and pedantic.

Depression can be deadly but it isn't the same as cancer. Good friends and family support and understanding don't make cancer any better. They may not always help with depression either but it is possible.

So, there is no problem calling for people to propose professional help first. But in a thread where that is mentioned a hundred times, to demand that every commenter preface their feedback with this line seems so pedantic to me.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#184

Post by smoyer »

samstave wrote: post #162
smoyer wrote: post #13

I'm pretty sure that I don't have depression but I've certainly felt "stuck". The responsibility of raising a family can be a heavy load - and a responsible father feels that weight. An irresponsible father doesn't feel the weight and it has little bearing on his decisions. Kudos for being a real dad - you'll imprint important life lessons on your daughters whether you realize it or not. My eldest daughter (almost 23…

Thank you for this comment. As a father of 3, I know the feel of the load, but its important to note that it also needs to be a partnership to succeed - no single person can carry the load of several children alone. Also, your site is down...

I completely agree ... my wife is indeed my partner and I can't imagine life without her. Picking the right partner makes a big difference too!

WRT my site(s) ... I lost a server to hackers due to a RoR exploit (I was only running Redmine). As patio11 advises, don't use RoR unless you're willing to dedicate yourself to understanding how to keep it secure. I'm in the process of converting the content to markdown to be processed with a static code generator. I've got some old writing on CodeSnipers (Keith Casey's mid-2000s experiment) - http://codesnipers.com/?q=blog/steve-moyer

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#185

Post by dennisgorelik »

innertracks wrote: post #76

7.62x39 was going to be my bullet of choice. 10 years or so of depression was enough. Until I saw my 3 year old daughter down the hall while I was heading to the closet to get the rifle. In that moment, I chose to endure the pain for her. Not that I didn't think about it again, many times, over the years. A friend happened to call a few days later. He convinced me to schedule a doctor's appointment that day. Tip: The…

How do you know that improvement didn't simply come with age?

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#186

Post by Nrsolis »

depressedfather wrote: post #174
Nrsolis wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm going to post here under my real nick and hope you read my comments: I was in a depressive state for close to twenty years. The loss of my mother at 10 put me there and instead of getting better I settled into my depression for the next twenty. Twenty years. I was irritable and emotional. I had few friends and I made the friends I did have pay for their mistake of being my friend. I made bad decisions and burned…

Thank you. It's been 40 years. When I was a teenager I didn't think I'd last that long. I will seek a therapist tomorrow. I don't quite understand how I can remain productive at work and everything else is a vast sea of sadness and anger.

You're free to reach out to me if you'd like to talk. I'm not a therapist but I might be able to provide some encouragement and advice on finding a path to wellness.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#187

Post by innertracks »

depressedfather wrote: post #173
ramblinreck wrote: post #167

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Daughters can be wonderful creatures. Mine has helped me in so many ways she will never realize. I too found my way thru the fog to the light.

I'm afraid I'm a weight on them.

Please do not ever give up.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#188

Post by innertracks »

dennisgorelik wrote: post #185
innertracks wrote: post #76

7.62x39 was going to be my bullet of choice. 10 years or so of depression was enough. Until I saw my 3 year old daughter down the hall while I was heading to the closet to get the rifle. In that moment, I chose to endure the pain for her. Not that I didn't think about it again, many times, over the years. A friend happened to call a few days later. He convinced me to schedule a doctor's appointment that day. Tip: The…

How do you know that improvement didn't simply come with age?

Some improvement did come with age. Perspective is amazingly helpful.

Along the way though I was able to find things that helped very noticeably. Some were physical, some were mind related, some were social, etc...

Bits and pieces that when put together did make a difference. Learning to take care of myself and remember to continue doing those things that were healthy for me has probably been a benefit of age as well.

The pieces of my puzzle: Therapy, hypnotherapy, dance (Argentine Tango), exercise, sleep, meditation, hydration, light levels, type of work, healthy relationships.

This was huge: Someone pointed out how I loved myself enough to be willing to destroy myself with such violence. Quite a shift in perspective! The realization of that love for self helped me switch to an amazingly hopeful resourceful place. The shift is difficult to describe though very real for me.

EDIT: Added to the puzzle pieces list.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#189

Post by uptown »

depressedfather wrote: post #172
innertracks wrote: post #76

7.62x39 was going to be my bullet of choice. 10 years or so of depression was enough. Until I saw my 3 year old daughter down the hall while I was heading to the closet to get the rifle. In that moment, I chose to endure the pain for her. Not that I didn't think about it again, many times, over the years. A friend happened to call a few days later. He convinced me to schedule a doctor's appointment that day. Tip: The…

I'm glad you've overcome this. For my part it's been 30 years, probably 40 if my childhood memories make any sense. I've started to notice that my daughters switch from laughter to sadness when their gaze reaches me. I'm not sure staying around is helping them.

I keep checking back on this post because the discussion here is some of the most real stuff I've read on HN. Thank you for spurring that. The world, and most people's lives are a messy thing. But I can assure you your daughters will be irreparably worse-off if you were to end your life. That you worry about what is best for them tells me that you care deeply for them, as I'm sure they care about you. Please don't break that connection. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'd absolutely recommend a professional over what I'd be able to provide, but I'd be happy to listen or talk if you'd rather speak with a stranger. My contact info is in my profile.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#190

Post by smoyer »

studentrob wrote: post #158
smoyer wrote: post #13

I'm pretty sure that I don't have depression but I've certainly felt "stuck". The responsibility of raising a family can be a heavy load - and a responsible father feels that weight. An irresponsible father doesn't feel the weight and it has little bearing on his decisions. Kudos for being a real dad - you'll imprint important life lessons on your daughters whether you realize it or not. My eldest daughter (almost 23…

Whoa best comment right here! Sorry I know I'm not adding anything substantive. I just think this guy is super friendly.

It might be the longest comment on this thread, but those who added their comments and have fought through depression themselves offer a far more compelling argument that the OP should a) seek help and b) can beat this condition. The reality is that the "career advice" I offered is what I would offer to anyone who chronically over-worked themselves.

I hope I'm friendly (in general). I like this community because you can be friendly and still disagree - debate is different from argument and I often learn something even from those I disagree with. If you look through my comments you'll find instances where I revert to "that Internet jerk", but hopefully they're a pretty small percentage.

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