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My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

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Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#41

Post by apalmer »

yeukhon wrote: post #21

I don't believe in therapy. I have multiple major depressions throughout my life, and I entered a new one two and a half years ago. I don't believe in therapy because therapists don't offer anything new but the same comments and advice I get from books and television shows. Morning commute and night commute are the darkest hours of my every day life. Sleeping in doesn't help me because my mind is full of ideas and fe…

Its not working out for you, maybe it doesnt work for you. Therapy works for many people however so I would suggest you do not put people off from it although it does not work for you.

As far as it goes i dont think therapy works by teaching you something 'new' that you cant get out of a book. Thats like saying excersize doesnt work because you have done all the motions before. Therapy when it works is largely about opening yourself up and committing to reprogramming yourself and going through a bunch of effort and seeing that going through the mechanical process of therapy does have some minimal value and realizing you are in control of your own mind to some degree and using that tiny minuscule victor as a 'hope' that keeps you moving forward.

I wish you well, i wish i could say more. I feel you.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#42

Post by a3n »

grahamburger wrote: post #33
DanBC wrote: post #25

I'm often surprised by non-doctors giving medical advice to someone who has a potentially fatal illness. It feels really irresponsible to me. As irresponsible as telling a cancer patient to try carrots. Although I accept that you're showing compassion, and that's important. And that you're not being judgemental. And that you have some evidence that exercise works to treat depression - you're not talking obvious nonse…

I get so tired of comments like yours. What are we supposed to do then? Just give up and watch them go? If someone can't or won't go to the doctor, they're done for? What about all of the other people reading, who might now or at some time in the future suffer from depression? Is it really 'irresponsible' to suggest that there are ways to prevent/decrease depression besides going to the doctor? Compare it to cancer.…

> I get so tired of comments like yours. What are we supposed to do then?

The best first advice is to get professional help. That doesn't mean "get drugs," it means start the evaluation process, which may or may not include drugs, therapy, exercise, whatever.

Go ahead and recommend exercise or herbal remedies or whatever, but I believe one should strongly direct a sufferer to professional help first. The closer and more credible to a person you are, that may be more like telling them to go, or even bringing them there.

Everyone's depression is unique to them. Sure the causes and treatment may be common with other people, but what works for one, or doesn't, is not necessarily the same for another.

Treatment for depression needs to be directed by a doctor or other trained professional.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#43

Post by grahamburger »

0xcde4c3db wrote: post #39
grahamburger wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I get so tired of comments like yours. What are we supposed to do then? Just give up and watch them go? If someone can't or won't go to the doctor, they're done for? What about all of the other people reading, who might now or at some time in the future suffer from depression? Is it really 'irresponsible' to suggest that there are ways to prevent/decrease depression besides going to the doctor? Compare it to cancer.…

> Is it really 'irresponsible' to suggest that there are ways to prevent/decrease depression besides going to the doctor? If the methods you suggest don't actually help, it risks making the depression worse, because it matches the pattern of "Why try anything? Nothing works.".

> "Why try anything? Nothing works."

That seems like a better outcome all around than not knowing what to try. At least you know you have some options. For some people, it might help - at least enough to get them to the next step.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#44

Post by kzhahou »

shanusmagnus wrote: post #30
DanBC wrote: post #25

I'm often surprised by non-doctors giving medical advice to someone who has a potentially fatal illness. It feels really irresponsible to me. As irresponsible as telling a cancer patient to try carrots. Although I accept that you're showing compassion, and that's important. And that you're not being judgemental. And that you have some evidence that exercise works to treat depression - you're not talking obvious nonse…

The evidence for physical activity being good for just about every ailment under the sun is about as incontrovertible as the evidence for water being wet. Considering that it's vitally important, often ignored, devoid of negative side effects, and free to implement, I think you're the one being irresponsible.

It might help, but the advice to Get Physical, just by itself, isn't useful. The disease itself works against a will to exercise.

The best advice and only one worth giving is to please seek professional help if you think (or know) you have depression.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#45

Post by nextos »

novakinblood wrote: post #11

All I can say is you're not alone. I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, have 4 kids (youngest is 7months) and I'm going through therapy and working on medication. It's aggravating because for me the medication takes time to make a difference. Also I'm working on 2 engineering jobs to make ends meet. The thing that has helped is opening up to a select few of friends. I am not the kind of person to open…

Have you checked your thyroid? There's a potential causal link between hypothyroidism and depression.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#46

Post by a3n »

depressedfather wrote: post #2

I'm like her dad. Reading her story may have altered my path, for the sake of my daughters, for a bit longer, I guess. I design software, I code, test and deploy. They think my work is good. It doesn't matter. I work until I'm tired and then I sleep. I hide my tears from my family. There's no joy in any of these projects, and I've lost all interest in my past side projects. I work so much I barely see my daughters be…

> I hide my tears from my family.

Are you sure they don't see it? And if they see it, do they understand it for what it is, or do they misinterpret it?

Make an appointment on Monday 3/28 with your doctor, or with an EAP service if that's available to you, or county health, etc. Be clear about what the appointment is for, and get the soonest possible appointment (that day if possible).

I'm being successfully treated for depression. My depression and treatment is not your depression and treatment, but it's likely that there is effective treatment available for you.

Put it on your calendar right now to make the appointment on Monday. Your depression may be discouraging you from taking steps. Push through the fog, make and keep the appointment.

If you feel overwhelmed before Monday, call the emergency number. You're not wasting anyone's time, that's why they're working at the jobs they have.

Call Monday.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#47

Post by grahamburger »

a3n wrote: post #42
grahamburger wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I get so tired of comments like yours. What are we supposed to do then? Just give up and watch them go? If someone can't or won't go to the doctor, they're done for? What about all of the other people reading, who might now or at some time in the future suffer from depression? Is it really 'irresponsible' to suggest that there are ways to prevent/decrease depression besides going to the doctor? Compare it to cancer.…

> I get so tired of comments like yours. What are we supposed to do then? The best first advice is to get professional help. That doesn't mean "get drugs," it means start the evaluation process, which may or may not include drugs, therapy, exercise, whatever. Go ahead and recommend exercise or herbal remedies or whatever, but I believe one should strongly direct a sufferer to professional help first. The closer and m…

Of course, suggest getting professional help first. But as a random internet board commenter, I can't drive them to the doctor. And for many people suffering from depression (I've been there, many of us have) getting to the doctor may as well be getting to the moon. But for me, if I could just get outside, things started to look just a little bit better, and maybe I could make it down the street. And then things looked a tiny bit better again, and pretty soon I could remember that there were people who cared about me. I doubt I'm entirely unique. Maybe there's someone reading this thread for whom the first step to getting help is just to get outside, and I'd call it irresponsible withhold that information.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#48

Post by 0xcde4c3db »

grahamburger wrote: post #43
0xcde4c3db wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Is it really 'irresponsible' to suggest that there are ways to prevent/decrease depression besides going to the doctor? If the methods you suggest don't actually help, it risks making the depression worse, because it matches the pattern of "Why try anything? Nothing works.".

> "Why try anything? Nothing works." That seems like a better outcome all around than not knowing what to try. At least you know you have some options. For some people, it might help - at least enough to get them to the next step.

What I'm saying is that when you convince a depressed person to spend their scarce reserves of effort on useless measures, you risk diminishing their ability to convince themselves that the "next step" is worth taking.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#49

Post by a3n »

shanusmagnus wrote: post #30
DanBC wrote: post #25

I'm often surprised by non-doctors giving medical advice to someone who has a potentially fatal illness. It feels really irresponsible to me. As irresponsible as telling a cancer patient to try carrots. Although I accept that you're showing compassion, and that's important. And that you're not being judgemental. And that you have some evidence that exercise works to treat depression - you're not talking obvious nonse…

The evidence for physical activity being good for just about every ailment under the sun is about as incontrovertible as the evidence for water being wet. Considering that it's vitally important, often ignored, devoid of negative side effects, and free to implement, I think you're the one being irresponsible.

Anecdote of one: Looking back, I've been depressed most of my adult life, from 20 to my current 58. A few years ago I went to CrossFit for a couple years. I went from not being able to do a single pullup, to being able to crack off 20+.

It didn't help. For me. I still wanted to kill myself, and all the while I went to the gym I felt it was pointless.

Again, that's an anecdote of one. The cause of my depression and someone else's, and the effective treatment, are potentially very different.

Great if exercise helps a particular depression. But if it doesn't, the that person is fit and depressed.

A mental health professional is the best bet.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#50

Post by nommm-nommm »

DanBC wrote: post #25

I'm often surprised by non-doctors giving medical advice to someone who has a potentially fatal illness. It feels really irresponsible to me. As irresponsible as telling a cancer patient to try carrots. Although I accept that you're showing compassion, and that's important. And that you're not being judgemental. And that you have some evidence that exercise works to treat depression - you're not talking obvious nonse…

This happens with any chronic illness especially ones where the cause and treatment are vague.

"You need to do X."

Suffer from a chronic illness and you'll get all sorts of unsolicited comments from strangers to give up or get more Y. While perhaps we'll meaning these comments are grating, overly simplistic, and unhelpful - most people have tried everything under sun and more. Their medical issues aren't as simple as you make them out to be.

Exercise is probably helpful for someone moderately depressed or just feeling a little down. Probably not very helpful for the seriously depressed. I know it was unhelpful and somewhat harmful for my [very serious] depression.

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