171–180 of 199 posts
7.62x39 was going to be my bullet of choice. 10 years or so of depression was enough. Until I saw my 3 year old daughter down the hall while I was heading to the closet to get the rifle. In that moment, I chose to endure the pain for her. Not that I didn't think about it again, many times, over the years. A friend happened to call a few days later. He convinced me to schedule a doctor's appointment that day. Tip: The…
7.62x39 was going to be my bullet of choice. 10 years or so of depression was enough. Until I saw my 3 year old daughter down the hall while I was heading to the closet to get the rifle. In that moment, I chose to endure the pain for her. Not that I didn't think about it again, many times, over the years. A friend happened to call a few days later. He convinced me to schedule a doctor's appointment that day. Tip: The…
7.62x39 was going to be my bullet of choice. 10 years or so of depression was enough. Until I saw my 3 year old daughter down the hall while I was heading to the closet to get the rifle. In that moment, I chose to endure the pain for her. Not that I didn't think about it again, many times, over the years. A friend happened to call a few days later. He convinced me to schedule a doctor's appointment that day. Tip: The…
Daughters can be wonderful creatures. Mine has helped me in so many ways she will never realize. I too found my way thru the fog to the light.
I'm like her dad. Reading her story may have altered my path, for the sake of my daughters, for a bit longer, I guess. I design software, I code, test and deploy. They think my work is good. It doesn't matter. I work until I'm tired and then I sleep. I hide my tears from my family. There's no joy in any of these projects, and I've lost all interest in my past side projects. I work so much I barely see my daughters be…
I'm going to post here under my real nick and hope you read my comments: I was in a depressive state for close to twenty years. The loss of my mother at 10 put me there and instead of getting better I settled into my depression for the next twenty. Twenty years. I was irritable and emotional. I had few friends and I made the friends I did have pay for their mistake of being my friend. I made bad decisions and burned…
I'm like her dad. Reading her story may have altered my path, for the sake of my daughters, for a bit longer, I guess. I design software, I code, test and deploy. They think my work is good. It doesn't matter. I work until I'm tired and then I sleep. I hide my tears from my family. There's no joy in any of these projects, and I've lost all interest in my past side projects. I work so much I barely see my daughters be…
>If I stop working we'll be bankrupt within months. Is it possible to cut your cost of living significantly (by 50% or more through some extreme changes)? When the alternative is suicide, I'd imagine that almost _anything_ else is acceptable. I know you don't have the energy for this lifestyle refactor since you're working two jobs and depressed. Can your wife take on this responsibility? Lastly, bankruptcy is a grea…
I'm like her dad. Reading her story may have altered my path, for the sake of my daughters, for a bit longer, I guess. I design software, I code, test and deploy. They think my work is good. It doesn't matter. I work until I'm tired and then I sleep. I hide my tears from my family. There's no joy in any of these projects, and I've lost all interest in my past side projects. I work so much I barely see my daughters be…
> I hide my tears from my family. Are you sure they don't see it? And if they see it, do they understand it for what it is, or do they misinterpret it? Make an appointment on Monday 3/28 with your doctor, or with an EAP service if that's available to you, or county health, etc. Be clear about what the appointment is for, and get the soonest possible appointment (that day if possible). I'm being successfully treated f…
I'm like her dad. Reading her story may have altered my path, for the sake of my daughters, for a bit longer, I guess. I design software, I code, test and deploy. They think my work is good. It doesn't matter. I work until I'm tired and then I sleep. I hide my tears from my family. There's no joy in any of these projects, and I've lost all interest in my past side projects. I work so much I barely see my daughters be…
What city do you live in? Maybe if you share that some people here could give you a good therapist referral - and the therapist can give you suggestions for a psychiatrist to perhaps try some medication in addition to counseling.
I have been in and out of depression and obsessive isolation. The one thing that gets me through the hell that comes with it is my ability to (eventually) reach out to my friends and family. If you're ever feeling like you can't get through the dark times, please reach out to those who care about you. Even if those relationships are purely online. It helps to be reminded you're not alone, even when that seems like a…
7.62x39 was going to be my bullet of choice. 10 years or so of depression was enough. Until I saw my 3 year old daughter down the hall while I was heading to the closet to get the rifle. In that moment, I chose to endure the pain for her. Not that I didn't think about it again, many times, over the years. A friend happened to call a few days later. He convinced me to schedule a doctor's appointment that day. Tip: The…
I'm glad you've overcome this. For my part it's been 30 years, probably 40 if my childhood memories make any sense. I've started to notice that my daughters switch from laughter to sadness when their gaze reaches me. I'm not sure staying around is helping them.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Daughters can be wonderful creatures. Mine has helped me in so many ways she will never realize. I too found my way thru the fog to the light.
I'm afraid I'm a weight on them.
Explain, if they're old enough. Find help (online or offline) in finding out at what you can explain to them. Find help to get rid of your stories without having to tell them to your kids if you don't need that.
Being afraid comes with the territory I guess. Acknowledge that. Accept it. Explain it. Explain that you cannot always acknowledge or accept it. Accept that you cannot always explain it.
Do your best, how messy it is.
And maybe you know all this, maybe you do all this. I don't know you, don't know your story. But it is as it is. You cannot give them another father. You probably cannot change how you feel. So they have to live with it, as you, and find a way.