Ask HN: How to form deep friendships later in life?

I think the key is that deep friendships take a long time to build. Also, because your personality is already mostly formed, it is hard to meet people that you fit with. When you are very young, it's easy to change yourself to fit the group of people you are with.

My biggest advice is not to rush it. Take every opportunity to spend time with other people, but if you don't "click", don't try to force it. When I first came to Japan I spent a lot of time with people who spoke English. It was something we had in common. In the end it was the only thing we had in common. I had some pretty bad experiences because I tried to hang on to friendships that really weren't good for me or the other person.

As others have mentioned, hobbies are a good way to go. Either find groups to do your hobbies with, or find some new hobbies that will help you meet new people.

One thing I have done in the past year (since I work from home, and often at night) is to wander around my neighbourhood and chat with the retired people where I live. They are lonely too :-).

The weird thing is that most advice you will find in seduction apply in looking for friends

I believe your best bet is to meet other people lost in translation, and especially expats. Ideally not all from your native country: often, such circles (people from country X trying to make themselves an enjoyable life in country Y) tend to encourage their members to bitch on country Y, and that's not the path to happiness.

Internet should help you find people. If you have hobbies, it helps having a common ground to build upon.

About kids, lovers and family: it's quite difficult to share a social life between single people, engaged people and people with kids. If the bond preexists a divergence of lifestyles, it can survive, but each of these lifestyles come with hard-to-reconcile constraints.

Finally, if you can pass the IQ test, Mensa is a nice community of too-smart-for-their-own-good people, looking for meaningful and intellectually engaging bonds.

- People rightfully prefer to be around interesting people. Some people are intrinsically interesting, but everyone can convey "interesting" by being genuinely interested in some aspect of the other person's life. Sometimes this can lead to getting invited to a future event, like an album release party because of a shared DJing interest for example, especially if the interest is niche or rare.

- Pick a friend from work or elsewhere that you'd like to get to know better. Take them out to lunch or coffee. Do the same next week and gradually strengthen your current network. Be sociable, and don't be afraid to have (appropriately) personal conversations or to ask friends for help or advice on something, even if you don't think you need it. They might have excellent advice or know someone who would be able to give you excellent advice.

- Do things on your own. Decide that you're going to a concert|club|museum|movie| on Saturday, and during the days leading up to whatever it is you've decided to do, text friends about it. Say something along the lines of, "Hey, we're going to see so and so at such and such. Let me know if you're interested!" If no one can make it, you'll still have fun if you picked the right place, and there's a fair chance at least one person might be able to join.

- Consciously shape positive, confident thinking. Figure out what you like about yourself that you can be confident about! Nothing good can come from beliefs like "I know our friendships will never go past a certain level" and "the 'making friends' phase is over".