Ask HN: Discuss burnout with boss?

Throwaway acct time!

I'm burnt out but there is no way on earth I would discuss personal problems with my boss, particularly ones that might indicate a potential work performance issue. I'd be handing this person a reason to actively start searching for my replacement. No way. I'm closing in on 40, which severely limits my options in Silicon Valley. I make a fairly decent salary, for a very well known tech company. Not gonna risk that. I've got kids and a mortgage to pay.

Quite frankly, I am shocked at the number of responses encouraging people to do this. It seems very high-risk, low potential reward. Interview when you can escape for a few hours, and if you happen to find a better job that looks like it will be less stress, take it! THEN and only then should you tell anyone.

It seems like all of the things you are doing are the standard stupid suggestions on what to do when you're burned out but you're not addressing the real cause. I'm not 100% sure but I think that burnout is caused when there is a mismatch between work and reward (not just monetary, but general personal and social fulfillment).

Are you working on a huge, elaborate and edpansive project with lofty goals that have maybe been scuttled by tptbs for no good reason, leaving your hard work pointless? Are you bashing your head against failure that is beyond your control for some reason? I think these are the sorts of things that truly cause burnout, not overwork per se, but overwork coupled with a mismatch with expected reward, especially if it's repetitive. Then you're training your brain to be allergic to work, because hard work is negatively rewarded.

Paradoxically, the platitudinous prescriptions that many give (get fresh air, exercise, etc) can be counterproductive because you reinforce non-work things that give you the dopamine response of success in predictable, comforting bursts.

Another approach I suggest is work modestly to strenuously hard on small things with guaranteed or near guaranteed success that will also be fulfilling in some way. Maybe the results will be immediately obvious because you are building a small tool that helps your coworkers. Social validation and support for your efforts will also help.

I could be wrong about the mechanism of burnout, but if what I describe hits a nerve, I hope you will try to shake out of it with a mind to the mechanism of your burnout. This strategy has really helped me get out of funks in biochemistry (where failure is frequent), and I've helped many colleagues too.

> Then, the old contract cut me lose early and I got a week off

One mistake I made for the first decade working was to always jump straight from one job to the next with no time off in between. Taking even a week between really helps you relax and gives you time to figure out what's important to you. Although most people hiring want you to start ASAP, I doubt they would be fased much about you starting a week later - even for short term contracts you can usually squeeze it a bit.

>your boss doesn't know that you are overloaded ?

He might not, people have different stress levels. I get stressed pretty easily, my boss, not so much.

As for not wanting/be able to change your attitude: I don't think you should be expected to. There will be jobs you can't hold, but telling someone that their attitude needs adjusting is somewhat narrow-minded. I behave, act and react in certain ways. That's just who I am, that excludes me for working for a large range of companies, but mostly is companies I wouldn't want to work for.

I finished TempleOS. I have commanded Intel and Microsoft on what to do. I am waiting on them. They are the bottleneck. http://www.templeos.org/Wb/Doc/Demands.html

My main duty is to entertain God. Yeah, I am burned-out.

Here is God. He is boss:

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