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Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

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Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#71

Post by pyre »

michaelchisari wrote: post #65
Yhippa wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have been thinking about why Tinder seems like a bad deal for my lady friends. It seems that women used to hold the power in online dating but for whatever reason Tinder has turned into a site that reduces the cost (time investment and biological risk) to sleep with strangers. It seems that as that's picked up the new norm is a "race to the bottom" for women who want traditional relationships.

women used to hold the power in online dating Anyone who has ever seen a pretty woman's okcupid inbox can attest that being dog-piled by hundreds of desperate men is an odd definition of "power". Tinder at least requires a mutual match.

It's "power" in the same way that a hiring manager inundated with resumes from desperate job-hunters is in a position of power over them.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#72

Post by benten10 »

GuiA wrote: post #44
Osmium wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> For the most part, I find that most online social media just degrades human interaction. Twitter encourages short shallow quips, Facebook shows me my friends arguing angrily and pointlessly over random articles, dating apps encourage some of the behaviors described in the article. Heck, even HN encourages a certain kind of attitude that I don't find that great, all in all. I don't know. I think, perhaps, in the 're…

I absolutely don't disagree with you. I've tried a more temperate approach like the one you describe; and I can get it with some degree of success for a while, but it never lasts long. Hence why I'm a bit more aggressive in my approach now. I'm glad it's working for you though!

I thought I agreed with you about 'cheaping of human communication' until a couple of years ago. I believed that Snapchat was the worst thing to happen to human communication, and somehow that human interactions had been fundamentally changed for the worse.

Then last year, I went on a 2-month long backpacking trip. I don't have facebook et al. and blogs are too tiring, so I decided to get snapchat just for the trip. A year later, I've gotten ~20 people to join snapchat, just to keep in touch with me. : )

For me, it's the model of human communication that matters: I don't necessarily want you to remember exactly what I said to you 12.27465 years ago. I know most of the HN and Reddit crowd aspire for the perfect object Vulcan mind, with perfect recollection either, but for me, the value of interpersonal communication lies in the fact that it's REALLY fallible. Not only do we NOT remember things as they are, even if we do remember something right, the act of remembering it messes up the actual memory. For me, that's essential. Our social interactions haven't evolved to reflect a perfect recollection but to accommodate our limitations. We are imperfect, and I like my mode of communication to reflect that.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#73

Post by sheepmullet »

michaelchisari wrote: post #58

This article makes a big assumption that women only use sex to get to relationships, and men only use relationships to get to sex. Plenty of women casually date with no interest in serious relationships, for the same reasons that men do: They value their independence, they're focused on their careers, they like to be able to travel or meet new people. It's antiquated to think that women who go on Tinder are hopelessl…

> We break up easier, divorce easier, and refuse to live unhappy lives because the idea of being alone is no longer terrifying.

And funnily enough we seem to be a hell of a lot less happy.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#74

Post by Balgair »

hedgew wrote: post #39

It's a problem of overvaluation. Men are less selective about who they have casual sex with, so the most attractive men consistently and constantly meet up with women they'd never actually date. For the few men it works great. For most women it works well for a while, but ends in disappointment. For the vast majority of men, the deal is the worst; they are considered unsuitable because women can do better (in 10 minu…

This is nothing new for Humans either: http://arstechnica.com/science/2015/03/neolithic-culture-may...

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#75

Post by curiousjorge »

pavlov wrote: post #3

But others lament the way the extreme casualness of sex in the age of Tinder leaves many women feeling de-valued. “It’s rare for a woman of our generation to meet a man who treats her like a priority instead of an option,” wrote Erica Gordon on the Gen Y Web site Elite Daily, in 2014. If a woman doesn't want to feel like an option, shouldn't she stay far away from Tinder? It's not like there isn't a million other way…

contraception has empowered women on the same level as men, who traditionally always had the pick of the litter, still carry the artifacts of oppression, slut shaming, etc.

it's not a stretch to say that contraception technology has directly catapulted women's rights and are becoming more equal to the male counterpart.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#76

Post by pyre »

lqdc13 wrote: post #37
rrss1122 wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Possibly, but presumably they would join Tinder because those other ways didn't produce results.

Other ways require more energy. Many people don't like answering questions about themselves or filling out a profile so they flock to the quick meet app. Honestly, I think it's completely their fault for expecting a long term relationship from Tinder.

Well, Tinder doesn't even position itself as a place to find long-term relationships, so trying to make it work in such a way is an uphill battle from the get go.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#77

Post by dethstar »

Yhippa wrote: post #45
bradford wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You say that Tinder reduces the "time investment and biological risk" of [sex]. I'm not a Tinder user, how does it reduce the biological risk? wouldn't the risk of an STD be just as great, if not greater, than the status quo?

Just a theory of mine. I feel that the odds would be greater going to a bar and doing the usual pick up routine vs vetting them ahead of time.

You really can't know though, unless it's explicitly stated in their profile which I doubt it's very common.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#79

Post by pyre »

sheepmullet wrote: post #73
michaelchisari wrote: post #58

This article makes a big assumption that women only use sex to get to relationships, and men only use relationships to get to sex. Plenty of women casually date with no interest in serious relationships, for the same reasons that men do: They value their independence, they're focused on their careers, they like to be able to travel or meet new people. It's antiquated to think that women who go on Tinder are hopelessl…

> We break up easier, divorce easier, and refuse to live unhappy lives because the idea of being alone is no longer terrifying. And funnily enough we seem to be a hell of a lot less happy.

The cost of a bad marriage seems like "less" so some people are less discriminating in deciding to take the plunge.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#80

Post by dharma1 »

GuiA wrote: post #16

For the most part, I find that most online social media just degrades human interaction. Twitter encourages short shallow quips, Facebook shows me my friends arguing angrily and pointlessly over random articles, dating apps encourage some of the behaviors described in the article. Heck, even HN encourages a certain kind of attitude that I don't find that great, all in all. I know that it's not black or white, and tha…

I can relate to this. Good post. What kind of music do you make?
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