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On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

residentcontrarian.substack.com

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Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#971

Post by everdrive »

gautamcgoel wrote: post #827
everdrive wrote: post #755

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Is it bad that women don't find some men attractive, Not at all, especially because it's most likely that they can't help it. It'd be like asking me to find ugly girls sexually attractive. Even if I felt it would be the best the to do morally, I couldn't will myself to it: it's out of my control for the most part. And so it is with women: we really shouldn't hate someone for their innate preferences. (and especially…

Can you please expand on what you learned? I'm sure those of us in their twenties would love to hear more.

I wrote a pretty long reply here, but it's apparently too long for HN. Do you happen to know a good place I could post it?

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#972

Post by majani »

ceilingcorner wrote: post #240

These issues are far more serious than is known and commenters saying “too bad, you don’t deserve to date someone” really don’t understand how ineffective this approach is. You can’t just shame tens of thousands of men into accepting a substandard life. Disclaimer: I am not making any ethical judgments here, just observing. This problem didn’t really exist before for three reasons. One, widespread access to prostitut…

Monogamy appears to have been successfully enforced for just a brief period of 150 years after the industrial revolution. Studies that show that polygamy was rife before the industrial revolution and now the digital age seems to be bringing back poly relationships in a way.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#973

Post by llampx »

kaba0 wrote: post #888
skystarman wrote: post #622

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have no data on this but my anecdata tells me that if a woman is in a poor state but is attractive plenty of men will be willing to treat her nicely and not consider her "pathetic" at least long enough to sleep with her. Doesn't really work the same way for dudes

And how is it a good rebuttal? It means that some men would exploit a women in poor mental health for a one-nighter.. They will most definitely not put up with her illness and dump her after a short play. The only difference is that a “weak men” may not be as desirable to have a one-nighter with.

Yup men bad.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#974

Post by kaba0 »

llampx wrote: post #973
kaba0 wrote: post #888

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And how is it a good rebuttal? It means that some men would exploit a women in poor mental health for a one-nighter.. They will most definitely not put up with her illness and dump her after a short play. The only difference is that a “weak men” may not be as desirable to have a one-nighter with.

Yup men bad.

some

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#976

Post by waterhouse »

toyg wrote: post #281
hn8788 wrote: post #274

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That doesn't work out as well as it sounds. Unsuprisingly, the amount of women willing to have sex with strangers for money is relatively low. Studies have shown that legalizing prostitution increases the rate of human trafficking to meet the greater demand. https://orgs.law.harvard.edu/lids/2014/06/12/does-legalized-...

That's a function of massive income inequality across countries, though. Fix that, and the incentive for trafficking disappears.

I don't think it's income inequality. It's legality-of-prostitution inequality. That is, the traffickers decided to move their operations from countries where prostitution was illegal to countries where it's legal, because, all else being equal, it's easier to operate in the latter. The link doesn't claim that the total amount of trafficking increased, and the quoted results don't favor the "net increase" hypothesis over the "movement" hypothesis.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#977

Post by matheusmoreira »

EVa5I7bHFq9mnYK wrote: post #683

There are certain drugs that bring sexual desires to zero, and the experience could be really liberating, as I may personally attest. Life could be easier for those surplus men if they went this route.

"Surplus men"...? So they should just give up and quietly accept their lot in life? That just doesn't seem right.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#978

Post by matheusmoreira »

Invictus0 wrote: post #574

Almost everything on /r/relationships can be boiled down to poor communication on the part of one or more parties. Seriously. If everyone were taught proper communication and confrontation skills, there would be a lot more happy people on this earth. Dead bedrooms: instead of making a spreadsheet of your wife's excuses and passive aggressively emailing it to her, talk to her without anger or blame, explain how you fe…

It has nothing to do with communication. People either desire you or they don't. You can't negotiate desire. I don't understand why anyone would want to be with someone who needs to be convinced and pressured to have sex.

Spreadsheet guy eventually realized this. He saw the pattern for what it was and decided to end it. Yes, he could've handled it a lot better but I still respect him for exiting. He understood what he wanted, realized he was not getting it and decided to get out.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#979

Post by hannasanarion »

baby wrote: post #850
hannasanarion wrote: post #141

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your choices are not limited to "being adhered to a codependent sexual partner" and "being totally disconnected from society trying to live as a Randean ubermench ascetic". It is the belief that those are the only possibilities that makes people incels, not the lack of a chick.

Isn’t the point of incels that they want something that is majorly important in society, yet can’t get it. It’s a bit like telling poor people that they should not care about money.

They want something that they think is important in society, but isn't.

Nobody gives a damn if they have a sexual partner or not, and it is not anybody's obligation to be theirs so that they can achieve their misguided idea of personal fulfillment.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#980

Post by matheusmoreira »

tomp wrote: post #13

For another similarly compassionate view of “incels” see: https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-roman... Edit: fixed link to point to the right article

This is a really good article, thanks. It links to this one which is also great:

https://www.city-journal.org/html/rush-judgment-12282.html

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