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Re: Parent time

#91

Post by blululu »

Kaibeezy wrote: post #3

Parents could have moved to SF, just sayin’ ETA: One set of parents could have moved from east coast to west. They had enough savings and could have found a modest place in a nice peripheral location. We had good SV jobs and would have helped them. They never really liked where they lived, never made the most of it, and only stayed there out of inertia; I hated the weather and sprawly shabbiness, would never have mov…

My Aunt did just that a few years back to be closer to my Cousin and her two kids. Of course she was born in San Francisco so it is maybe less of a leap but she seems really happy with the move. As you get older it is harder to make such changes even though you have more than enough time/money to do it comfortably.

Re: Parent time

#92

Post by dominotw »

mrtranscendence wrote: post #69
dominotw wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because its not an insight?

You might disagree with how profound or surprising it is, but how is it not an insight of some sort? It was at least enough to get the author to make a drastic lifestyle change.

This is a cliche internet reels trope. I call BS on his george story.

Here is one of such "insightful" reels.

https://youtube.com/shorts/kgPTJKwh6vc?feature=share

There are a million of these floating around.

Re: Parent time

#93

Post by sbaiddn »

gorjusborg wrote: post #45
spywaregorilla wrote: post #13

> I was out for a drink with a friend. > As we settled in, George asked about my life and how I was feeling. > “I’m good. Busy!" > He stared blankly through my empty words. > Feeling the pressure of his gaze, I adjusted myself and added that living in California had begun to wear on me, it being so far from my parents on the East Coast. > George: “How often do you see your parents?" > Me: “Maybe once a year now.” > G…

Yeah, I get the feeling George may not exist outside of the author's imagination. Sure, there could be back story that fed that interaction, but I'm betting that didn't happen and it is a way of framing an unpopular decision in a flattering light.

There are Georges everywhere, and Id be surprised if that convo was much more complicated than posted

Re: Parent time

#94

Post by lo_zamoyski »

balderdash wrote: post #47
maerF0x0 wrote: post #4

I cant refind the website right now, but i once encountered an interesting website that took this concept further. It demonstrated that many of us have already spent between 95-99% of the time we will see our parents. Eg: * presume your parents have you at ~30 * Live at home 18years x 365 days per year = 6570 days * You see them a week per year for the remainder of their life = 50 years * 7 days per year = 350 days t…

While not quibbling with the math, I think there are two things that mitigate this meaningfully. 1) quality of the time spent (I have more meaningful conversations in a couple of hours now, than months as a child + much of that time was spent administratively / logistically) 2) voice / video / text communication is not meaningless (I’ve lived >1,500 miles from my parents for the past ~12 years, but on average probabl…

Childhood is much more than logistics and administration. Your parents are there during your formative years, teaching you, often through example. Also, your emphasis on conversation seems strange. As much as I like a good conversation, this is not what defines the parent-child relationship. It is not what makes this relationship valuable above all else. Who would you rather have? A parent who sacrifices immensely for your good, or a good conversationalist who can't be bothered?

Re: Parent time

#95

Post by rcarr »

rossdavidh wrote: post #64
rcarr wrote: post #52

The flip side to this, are some of us who have had to move back in with parents as adults for various reasons. I might miss them when they’re gone, but I also feel like I’ve had enough interaction for one lifetime, especially when they’re also the person that causes me the most stress in life. It is natural to fly the nest. The ridiculous housing market that is forcing generations to live together is not. In tribal c…

You are entirely correct that the housing situation is f'd up. However, careful what you wish for, because when I look at the recent data I see a high likelihood of a massive "correction" arriving soon.

It’s going to be painful but it’s also necessary. The economy needs to be based on productive work, not imaginary money from house price inflation. House prices cannot rise faster than salaries as they have done. It is unsustainable.

Re: Parent time

#96

Post by sbaiddn »

Kaibeezy wrote: post #3

Parents could have moved to SF, just sayin’ ETA: One set of parents could have moved from east coast to west. They had enough savings and could have found a modest place in a nice peripheral location. We had good SV jobs and would have helped them. They never really liked where they lived, never made the most of it, and only stayed there out of inertia; I hated the weather and sprawly shabbiness, would never have mov…

How's it fair to uproot people from their communities, and their other children, at the twilight of their life to fulfill the material greediness of your kids?

Re: Parent time

#97

Post by Scottopherson »

hobs wrote: post #30
spywaregorilla wrote: post #13

> I was out for a drink with a friend. > As we settled in, George asked about my life and how I was feeling. > “I’m good. Busy!" > He stared blankly through my empty words. > Feeling the pressure of his gaze, I adjusted myself and added that living in California had begun to wear on me, it being so far from my parents on the East Coast. > George: “How often do you see your parents?" > Me: “Maybe once a year now.” > G…

I had this conversation randomly with a friend, I was George. It surprised me how hard this hit them, and that they've talked about it many times since then because yeah, its just a little strategic thinking about the world.

I became George after comedian Aziz Ansari had bit on one of his Netflix specials where he does math on how many times you can expect to see your parents.

Re: Parent time

#98

Post by lo_zamoyski »

rcarr wrote: post #89
Kaibeezy wrote: post #3

Parents could have moved to SF, just sayin’ ETA: One set of parents could have moved from east coast to west. They had enough savings and could have found a modest place in a nice peripheral location. We had good SV jobs and would have helped them. They never really liked where they lived, never made the most of it, and only stayed there out of inertia; I hated the weather and sprawly shabbiness, would never have mov…

This. It is the responsibility of aging parents to move to where their children can earn a living, not the other way around. My grandparents lived around two and a half hours away from their daughter (my mother) and I and half an hour away from their son (my uncle). We were pretty poor after the financial crisis so it meant we could only really go visit once or twice a year. My uncle was away a lot (works in the mili…

You may be overgeneralizing your particular situation. These sorts of things are subject to numerous factors and details that vary across families. You have three options: parents move closer to children, children move close to parents, or neither (both operate independently). Which is the best possible move is not the same everywhere and at all times.

Re: Parent time

#99

Post by JshWright »

fareesh wrote: post #6

My parents are my neighbours. It's great. One of the things I value most about how life turned out.

We were neighbors for ~5 years and eventually decided it was working well enough that in 2020 (just before the start of the pandemic, as it turned out) we bought a house with an "in-law" apartment and now my parents live under the same roof. The two spaces are separate (only the laundry room and garage are shared), so we're not right on top of each other, and it's working quite well so far.

My kids are still young (10, 6, and 6), and my parents are in their early 60's. Barring any unforeseen circumstances, my kids will spend the majority of their childhood with nearly daily time spent with their grandparents. Similarly, a lot of end of life questions/complexities are already answered. My parents are in a home where they can age in place and we can provide care for them when their needs increase over the coming decades.

I had some reservations, if I'm being honest (it was my wife and my mom who were the primary drivers of the plan), but having spent ~2.5 years in this arrangement so far, I really wouldn't trade it for anything.

Re: Parent time

#100

Post by fareesh »

Ekaros wrote: post #9
fareesh wrote: post #6

My parents are my neighbours. It's great. One of the things I value most about how life turned out.

I personally prefer to have some distance. In my case 10-15 minute drive. Enough to stop entirely random visits, but still nothing really stopping it.

I work from my old room so they see me all the time. There's never a need to visit
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