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I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

independent.co.uk

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Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#81

Post by mcv »

djmips wrote: post #60
mcv wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not sure why this is voted down. From my chats with women on dating sites, this is accurate. Most of them were constantly flooded with contentless messages like that, which makes it very hard to get a meaningful conversation. Mind you, my experience is all way pre-tinder. I've never been on Tinder, and things may work differently there, because if I understand correctly, you first need both people to already be inter…

You really can't see this being down voted for the (all) dudes are pathetic part?;

That "all" is your own addition, not present in the comment I responded to.

Note that it was a man saying it. And I, also a man, agree: men who just send "Hey" to all women they can find are pathetic. It's a shitty, spammy way to behave on a dating site. It helps nobody.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#82

Post by mcv »

TrickyRick wrote: post #42
Brian_K_White wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Tell me more about the human decency of saying nothing at all to someone end expecting anything at all from them.

Ah you mean like most women who never write the first message to anyone?

Maybe the women who never write the first message and the men who write "hey" to everybody deserve each other.

Though there's an important distinction between writing a message and real-time chat. "Hey" may be perfectly fine for a chat, but not for an email or similar type of direct message. I tend towards the latter.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#83

Post by mcv »

m000 wrote: post #67
mcv wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not sure why this is voted down. From my chats with women on dating sites, this is accurate. Most of them were constantly flooded with contentless messages like that, which makes it very hard to get a meaningful conversation. Mind you, my experience is all way pre-tinder. I've never been on Tinder, and things may work differently there, because if I understand correctly, you first need both people to already be inter…

> Most of them were constantly flooded with contentless messages like that, which makes it very hard to get a meaningful conversation. From my dating-app days, a lot of women profiles were also contentless: A few pretty pics, and a catchline they (more frequent than not) copied from somewhere else. You couldn't really start a meaningful conversation, if you tried. After matching, "hey" or some BS comeback to their ca…

That is true. And I wasn't interested in them. But at least they didn't spam me the way some men apparently spam women with contentless messages.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#84

Post by bradlys »

ildon wrote: post #43
bjornsing wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I wonder if she's ever actually sent a message to someone else. This entitlement of "entertain me peasant" is one of the reasons why I deleted these apps. I could not agree more. It’s a bit disheartening to see somebody think through online dating to this extent, write an article about it and not realize this. Before giving up on these apps I actually tried what happens to be the OP’s main recommendation: I wrote i…

The story with my wife and partner for > 9 yrs started with a simple hi, in person. All that can I say about this is that the selection criteria works both ways. If a person is not willing to give a chance to another person simply based on the first word that comes out of their mouth/keyboard, perhaps it's them that don't deserve a chance

Dating apps are not real life.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#86

Post by hanifc »

bjornsing wrote: post #17
erklik wrote: post #8

> One: present yourself exactly as you are. In fact, the fewer men you appeal to, the better. Two: be picky. Give almost no one a chance. Isn't this literally what already occurs? From the other side, it seems like this is exactly how most women are doing it? I don't see a lot of my female friends going on dates with every guy they match with (which is usually >200 so pretty hard to date 200 people), so they're rathe…

> I wonder if she's ever actually sent a message to someone else. This entitlement of "entertain me peasant" is one of the reasons why I deleted these apps. I could not agree more. It’s a bit disheartening to see somebody think through online dating to this extent, write an article about it and not realize this. Before giving up on these apps I actually tried what happens to be the OP’s main recommendation: I wrote i…

> Before giving up on these apps I actually tried what happens to be the OP’s main recommendation: I wrote in my profile “If you are not interested in a friendly respectful chat starting with a simple ‘Hi’ please swipe no”. Unsurprisingly it didn’t work…

I find that it's better to mention what you do want rather than what you don't want. People seem to respond better to positivity than negativity.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#87

Post by bradlys »

jeltz wrote: post #23
pizza234 wrote: post #12

This is the perspective of a woman. Personal experience as a man: > present yourself exactly as you are > be picky with this approach, I'd get exactly zero attractions, to put it in her terms, which doesn't reflect my real world dynamics.

I am just an average looking short scrawny guy and I would not say it is that hard to get matches for me on Tinder. Some even write to me first. I would say the first advice is very true (within reason) even for men but that since there are fewer women on dating apps than men we cannot afford to be as picky. I feel presenting yourself as you are (but slightly improved version) is just sound advice because you do not…

> I am just an average looking short scrawny guy

Anytime this gets posted along with "and I get lots of matches" - it is almost universal that the person is in-fact not an average looking guy. Post pics and numbers of matches/week - you're very unlikely to be average looking if you claim to do well.

The overwhelming amount of men who post on dating profile advice subreddits like tinder, hinge, etc. and are average looking men with reasonable profiles who get 0 matches proves your point to not be a reasonable expectation.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#88

Post by dragonwriter »

erklik wrote: post #8

> One: present yourself exactly as you are. In fact, the fewer men you appeal to, the better. Two: be picky. Give almost no one a chance. Isn't this literally what already occurs? From the other side, it seems like this is exactly how most women are doing it? I don't see a lot of my female friends going on dates with every guy they match with (which is usually >200 so pretty hard to date 200 people), so they're rathe…

> Isn't this literally what already occurs?

It’s the exact opposite if the direction of change fron people’s normal inclinations the typical advice goes for improving results. But most people are selective enough naturally (and rightfully so) that, yes, even aoplying the typical advice to try to filter out as few people as possible either with the profile or with how they react to others profile or contacts, they are still filtering out the vast majority of the space.

> This entitlement of "entertain me peasant" is one of the reasons why I deleted these apps.

Wanting to eliminate as much as possible of the dating space with incompatible goals or personality is not “entitlement”, Your attitude, that you are somehow owed people not respecting themselves enough to do that, is.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#89

Post by dragonwriter »

bradlys wrote: post #84
ildon wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The story with my wife and partner for > 9 yrs started with a simple hi, in person. All that can I say about this is that the selection criteria works both ways. If a person is not willing to give a chance to another person simply based on the first word that comes out of their mouth/keyboard, perhaps it's them that don't deserve a chance

Dating apps are not real life.

Particularly, in person meeting is biased by lots of subtle filters (some of which correlate with compatibility) that matching on a dating app, especially with profiles on either side consciously designed to maximize matches, lacks.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#90

Post by dragonwriter »

mcv wrote: post #79
raverbashing wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The top comment there is very on point

Absolutely. There's definitely a risk in being too picky. You should be somewhat picky; you don't want to date just anyone, do you? But you also need to understand that nobody is perfect. As with job candidates, meeting 50% of the requirements is pretty good. The important part is that they've got enough to interest you, and that their annoyances (everybody has some) is stuff you can tolerate. Of course there are red…

> As with job candidates, meeting 50% of the requirements is pretty good.

If a candidate (for anything) meeting 50% of requirements is “pretty good”, whoever created the list of requirements does not understand the concept of requirements.

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