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I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

independent.co.uk

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Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#51

Post by disembiggen »

yulaow wrote: post #13

Looking at aggregated stats like those on tinderinsight this is not an alternative way to date but exactly what most women do on dating apps and it's also an obvious strategy as soon as you realize that, as a woman, you have far more men competing for you (in my nation 91% of tinder users are men [0]) and most of them get quite desperate quite fast If the situation was reversed we men would behave the same most proba…

can confirm, went from being a 5/10 guy to a 5/10 trans woman, attitude changes real fast when you go from 0 matches to too many matches (and loads of guys aren't even interested in trans women!)

The disparity also makes tinder basically useless since it's clear that many guys are just swiping right on everyone, sure in their head they do believe they'll take what they can get, but if they're not doing any filtering then the fundamental contract of the swipe system is broken, that both of you are actively and on consideration interested in one another.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#52

Post by AlecSchueler »

postsantum wrote: post #15

This is just an advertisement of her "consulting". As for the "innovation", that reminds me of "Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?" where OP went on dates with 120 men and rejected every single one

> dates with 120 men and rejected every single one

Is this very surprising? More and more women are choosing not to date men at all because of the low quality of partnership. Men really don't try very hard in terms of supporting the women around them, from my experience.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#53

Post by Version467 »

The contents of this article aren't too interesting, but the topic is.

People using dating apps like Tinder optimise for matching profile attributes. The only information we have to filter people is their profiles. And we assume that a greater number of shared interests/values/etc. will make for a better partner.

But that's not necessarily true. I actually find it quite unlikely to be true. There might be some correlation, but it can't be very strong. If it were, than all the long term happy couples would consist of basically identical people. But that's clearly not the case.

I suspect that most relationships fail not because of true incompatibilities, but because the huge increase of the dating pool size has made us believe that it's about finding the right match, instead of making it. And in that process we have lost some critical relationship skills that are needed to make a partnership work.

That's very unfortunate, but at the same time an incredibly helpful realisation.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#55

Post by disembiggen »

this comment section is a little grim, I guess it's a bit expected that the audience for hacker news skews nerdy, single and male, but it feels worth saying that you're still likely all fairly attractive guys! hang on to a good attitude, care deeply about the things you care about, get a good barber and you'll be out of the dating abyss soon!

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#56

Post by DennisP »

somedude895 wrote: post #5

Another way is to use an app like Hinge instead of Tinder. The pool of people is much smaller, but the app makes it so easy to create an interesting profile with some personality. Plus the fact that you don't simply swipe but are actually incentivized to take a closer look at the profile and respond directly to one of the snippets, which also serves as an instant icebreaker that launches you straight into a conversat…

Interesting, Hinge uses the Gale-Shapley algorithm for their "daily match" recommendation.

For those unaware, the algorithm solves the Stable Marriage problem: find a global set of matches, where there's no pair who prefer each other to their own partners.

https://blogs.cornell.edu/info2040/2021/09/30/hinge-and-its-...

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#57

Post by petodo »

raverbashing wrote: post #25
Brian_K_White wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I never sent a "hey" or wink in my life. This is not some unreasonable bar. Every time I see my female friends inboxes I gag all over agaon. Dudes are pathetic.

Men send "Hey" to weed the bots and fake profiles. It's that simple And even then, "hey" is a correct way of starting a conversation. Sure it can be improved, using something about their profile works better. Though to be honest, women who start with the "entertain me" mentality, that's a good hint that she's not going to work out.

Wouldnt be easier just send message "Hi, I'm sending this message to check whether this profile is bot or fake profile, if it ain't please respond that you are INSERT FUNNY REMARK, thanks." if you really use this message for such purpose and then you can just copypaste it.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#58

Post by petodo »

xupybd wrote: post #2

I've never used a dating app. I knew my wife for years before I asked her out. I can't imagine dating strangers from an app. What do you talk about? How do you get to know someone, one on one in a romantic context? Maybe I'm just too old.

> What do you talk about?

Same as with everyone else I guess, common hobbies/interests or just small talk and if it seems interesting then just meet in person and check if you click?

I've used dating app while living in foreign country not speaking local language with local population very limited English knowledge so dating/IM app is quite obvious choice in that case unless you are after bar girls. Met my wife through dating app.

Though I was also quite chatty going to parks on weekends talking to people/girls/female colleagues but end up with wife from dating app, so it was not that I would meet women exclusively only through those apps.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#59

Post by Brian_K_White »

TrickyRick wrote: post #42
Brian_K_White wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Tell me more about the human decency of saying nothing at all to someone end expecting anything at all from them.

Ah you mean like most women who never write the first message to anyone?

Yes equally as bad.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#60

Post by djmips »

mcv wrote: post #44
Brian_K_White wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I never sent a "hey" or wink in my life. This is not some unreasonable bar. Every time I see my female friends inboxes I gag all over agaon. Dudes are pathetic.

Not sure why this is voted down. From my chats with women on dating sites, this is accurate. Most of them were constantly flooded with contentless messages like that, which makes it very hard to get a meaningful conversation. Mind you, my experience is all way pre-tinder. I've never been on Tinder, and things may work differently there, because if I understand correctly, you first need both people to already be inter…

You really can't see this being down voted for the (all) dudes are pathetic part?;
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