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I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

independent.co.uk

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Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#21

Post by yieldcrv »

somedude895 wrote: post #5

Another way is to use an app like Hinge instead of Tinder. The pool of people is much smaller, but the app makes it so easy to create an interesting profile with some personality. Plus the fact that you don't simply swipe but are actually incentivized to take a closer look at the profile and respond directly to one of the snippets, which also serves as an instant icebreaker that launches you straight into a conversat…

About 5 years late on this observation

Hinge has a leveling program just like Tinder does

You didn’t escape, I’m glad you are entertained

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#22

Post by mcv »

erklik wrote: post #8

> One: present yourself exactly as you are. In fact, the fewer men you appeal to, the better. Two: be picky. Give almost no one a chance. Isn't this literally what already occurs? From the other side, it seems like this is exactly how most women are doing it? I don't see a lot of my female friends going on dates with every guy they match with (which is usually >200 so pretty hard to date 200 people), so they're rathe…

It's not about entertaining, it's about finding someone who is right for you.

And I can confirm that this works both ways. I've always known that most women aren't the right person for me. I don't just want some random woman, I want someone who understands me and who I can understand.

I met my wife online. I forgot what I wrote in my profile, but it was probably slightly funny and self-deprecating, and honest about being a nerd. It had a photo of me in front of the gate of Timbuctoo. My wife recognised it and wrote a message where she referenced Ouagadougou, the capital of neighbouring Burkina Faso. Most Dutch women would completely lack that sort of knowledge, so that immediately drew me in. She's smart, sensible, not a nerd, but gets along great with nerds (one of her best friends was a nerd in denial).

I really do not understand men who just send a "Hey" to every woman they see. Have some standards. And some personality.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#23

Post by jeltz »

pizza234 wrote: post #12

This is the perspective of a woman. Personal experience as a man: > present yourself exactly as you are > be picky with this approach, I'd get exactly zero attractions, to put it in her terms, which doesn't reflect my real world dynamics.

I am just an average looking short scrawny guy and I would not say it is that hard to get matches for me on Tinder. Some even write to me first. I would say the first advice is very true (within reason) even for men but that since there are fewer women on dating apps than men we cannot afford to be as picky.

I feel presenting yourself as you are (but slightly improved version) is just sound advice because you do not want to waste your time anyway with people who are not attracted to you.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#25

Post by raverbashing »

Brian_K_White wrote: post #11
erklik wrote: post #8

> One: present yourself exactly as you are. In fact, the fewer men you appeal to, the better. Two: be picky. Give almost no one a chance. Isn't this literally what already occurs? From the other side, it seems like this is exactly how most women are doing it? I don't see a lot of my female friends going on dates with every guy they match with (which is usually >200 so pretty hard to date 200 people), so they're rathe…

I never sent a "hey" or wink in my life. This is not some unreasonable bar. Every time I see my female friends inboxes I gag all over agaon. Dudes are pathetic.

Men send "Hey" to weed the bots and fake profiles. It's that simple

And even then, "hey" is a correct way of starting a conversation. Sure it can be improved, using something about their profile works better.

Though to be honest, women who start with the "entertain me" mentality, that's a good hint that she's not going to work out.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#26

Post by fleddr »

Product idea: AI bot that turns low effort male chat messages into profound, caring and thoughtful conversation. The Pro edition comes with an in-ear aid, should it come to a real date.

To be countered with Fembot AI Plus, which converts profile fiction into real world filters. "I'm looking for a deep emotional connection" -> "Find me the hottest guy in a 10 mile radius that has no criminal record or hobbies".

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#27

Post by postsantum »

Brian_K_White wrote: post #11
erklik wrote: post #8

> One: present yourself exactly as you are. In fact, the fewer men you appeal to, the better. Two: be picky. Give almost no one a chance. Isn't this literally what already occurs? From the other side, it seems like this is exactly how most women are doing it? I don't see a lot of my female friends going on dates with every guy they match with (which is usually >200 so pretty hard to date 200 people), so they're rathe…

I never sent a "hey" or wink in my life. This is not some unreasonable bar. Every time I see my female friends inboxes I gag all over agaon. Dudes are pathetic.

When I was using Tinder, I went from hey to elaborate openers and then back to hey. There are two reasons to it

1) Is photos are _way_ more important and the first message doesn't really affect the reply rate

2) It's a way to filter out recipients who think they are too good for hey or not going to reply anyway (window shopping or whatever they call it)

>Dudes are pathetic

That was subtle. I recognized the irony only upon looking at your username ;)

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#28

Post by jeltz »

mcv wrote: post #22
erklik wrote: post #8

> One: present yourself exactly as you are. In fact, the fewer men you appeal to, the better. Two: be picky. Give almost no one a chance. Isn't this literally what already occurs? From the other side, it seems like this is exactly how most women are doing it? I don't see a lot of my female friends going on dates with every guy they match with (which is usually >200 so pretty hard to date 200 people), so they're rathe…

It's not about entertaining, it's about finding someone who is right for you. And I can confirm that this works both ways. I've always known that most women aren't the right person for me. I don't just want some random woman, I want someone who understands me and who I can understand. I met my wife online. I forgot what I wrote in my profile, but it was probably slightly funny and self-deprecating, and honest about b…

> I really do not understand men who just send a "Hey" to every woman they see. Have some standards. And some personality.

I cannot say I understand it but many women on Tinder are the same. Zero personality.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#29

Post by bjornsing »

Brian_K_White wrote: post #11
erklik wrote: post #8

> One: present yourself exactly as you are. In fact, the fewer men you appeal to, the better. Two: be picky. Give almost no one a chance. Isn't this literally what already occurs? From the other side, it seems like this is exactly how most women are doing it? I don't see a lot of my female friends going on dates with every guy they match with (which is usually >200 so pretty hard to date 200 people), so they're rathe…

I never sent a "hey" or wink in my life. This is not some unreasonable bar. Every time I see my female friends inboxes I gag all over agaon. Dudes are pathetic.

> Every time I see my female friends inboxes I gag all over agaon. Dudes are pathetic.

I was about to write something about everybody’s time on this planet being limited and how there’s actually a human being on the other side of that chat window. But… an appeal to human decency feels pretty pointless here.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#30

Post by sgu999 »

somedude895 wrote: post #5

Another way is to use an app like Hinge instead of Tinder. The pool of people is much smaller, but the app makes it so easy to create an interesting profile with some personality. Plus the fact that you don't simply swipe but are actually incentivized to take a closer look at the profile and respond directly to one of the snippets, which also serves as an instant icebreaker that launches you straight into a conversat…

Completely agree. I don't know Hinge but I've had good success with OkCupid (and met my partner). It required more thoughts and effort to make the profile, but it was a much more joyful experience than the countless hours spent matching on Tinder for absolutely nothing.
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