Read some Aldous Huxley and see if that changes you ;)
I can appreciate the fact that you reached out for advice -- thanks for that! I'm curious to know what parts of Aldous Huxley's work would present an inspiration for change here?
I wish you the very best and I'll leave you with a quote from the man himself:
"Every man who knows how to read has it in his power to magnify himself, to multiply the ways in which he exists, to make his life full, significant and interesting."