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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#771

Post by hownottowrite »

meristohm wrote: post #746
hownottowrite wrote: post #217

Mourning the loss of one’s youth is pretty typical. You lose a step. You didn’t do what you hoped you would do. You wasted your time. So forth and so on. Don’t worry. It gets better. This is all part of the process of life. My recommendation is that you read Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” I’m 52 here. I was a prolific programmer in my 20s. A go-go ma…

I think of people with whom I have good relationships as buoys, and your description of “whys” inclined me to add them as buoys, too; bulwarks against despair and for inspiration. Thanks as well for the nudge to read Man’s Search for Meaning. Listening to Blindboy talk on his podcast about Frankl is as far as I’ve gotten. Having a child, especially one with disabilities that require extra daily attention, provided/pr…

Excellent pun and glad I could be of help. I have kids too and I work with many other children I tend to think of as my kids as well. They are always a joy and a balance. Good luck to you!

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#772

Post by mikewarot »

Is there some pet peeve you have about the world, which you wish to change? If there is, and you can put your finger on it, making it happen could be a very fulfilling thing to do.

I just figured out my pet peeve, the design principle I wish to impart to the world... after watching this video recommended in a different thread

Bret Victor Inventing on Principle -- https://youtu.be/8QiPFmIMxFc

I wish you luck if you find yours.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#773

Post by willis936 »

urban_strike wrote: post #225
dr_faustus wrote: post #103

I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…

> I have a hard time to see any relevance in a life without children anymore. In my view, having kids is a great way to take off the existential pressure of life being meaningless, by just having a default "do it for them" answer to every single question or hardship in life. And what then will give your child's life such a straightforward meaning? Well, just have kids of their own I guess, and their kids the same, al…

I haven't had kids yet, but I think having them is the most important thing I can do with my life. I can't fix society's problems. I can't even be sure I helped a nonzero amount even if I exerted myself to exhaustion for my entire time on Earth. What I can do is raise someone who is exposed to my principles and ideals. I can carry my meme on so that they may exert themselves for a lifetime that yields an infentesimal result. It's the only way we'll ever make it.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#774

Post by softwarebeware »

I turn 42 this year. My feeling is that there’s always something you haven’t tried. Over the years, I’ve changed careers, failed to change careers, went back for a masters degree, tried totally unrelated hobbies, and more. I’ve done community radio, had writing published, played in bands on the radio, started blogs and apps, and more. If it’s getting stale, look for a change of context, maybe even move cities. But often you can just follow your interest into something new. Works for me at least

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#775

Post by unixhero »

CRConrad wrote: post #749
RickJWagner wrote: post #744

Earlier quoted context omitted.

56 and still technical here. Learn, learn, learn. Find the new hotness (at least one that has staying power). For me, kubernetes is the latest 'big hill'. It seems to have legs for years ahead, and plenty of technical details that prevent anyone from completely mastering it.

> Learn, learn, learn. Find the new hotness 58 in a few weeks, and seriously considering going the other way: To jump off the treadmill of new fads and concentrate on / return to basics. "Big Data!" "Data Lake!" Data Vault!" "Apache Spark!" "Kafka!" "Cloud this!" "Cloud that!" "Cloud the other!""Snowflake!" "R!" "Python!" "Pandas!" "This new ETL tool!" "That new ETL process!" "This other new ETL tool!" "That other ne…

Pandas is a pretty fantastic tool for ETL.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#776

Post by xwdv »

Viliam1234 wrote: post #728
xwdv wrote: post #627

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The reason you feel this way is because you’ve never been on the other side. Imagine reaching mid thirties, no more friends, no partner, no real prospects, and getting older is making it harder to attract quality females. Your only source of somewhat human interaction is writing on the internet. It is a life of quiet desperation. There is only one goal, to accumulate money, watch graphs go up and to the right. Money…

> Money is the only way to have relevance in this society, the only salvation from becoming invisible in the dating pool. This depends on what bubble you are in. It might be true for most of the society, but there are many subcultures that have different values. Think about any job that is not associated with making money, or any hobby that does not require buying expensive stuff; you will probably find such people t…

Picking up hobbies to meet women is miserable. I actually do not want to meet any kind of women while doing my hobbies, I do not want something pure to be distracted with prurient thoughts.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#778

Post by amznbyebyebye »

jaybrendansmith wrote: post #754
alangibson wrote: post #79

This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust. What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily…

I believe 35 is a tough age. You've effectively achieved Journeyman level. No, seriously, you're past the Apprentice level, and you've completed all the 300-400 level life courses. You're ready to become a Master. Unfortunately, you need to go on a journey to discover your masterwork. That may take a while. For me it took another 10 years. But trust me, you will find it, if you're willing to take a step sideways in y…

Wow brilliant comment. This masterwork concept - I love it. Something only you can solve. Wow. Solving this type of problem it brings a wealth greater than any type of FAANG paycheck, win or lose.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#779

Post by amznbyebyebye »

hackerfromthefu wrote: post #383
subpixel wrote: post #148

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The big difference is that settling down gives you things to care about deeply. Your family, the community your kids will grow up in, the experiences and skills you want your kids to grow up with. Absent that, my life was one long drawn-out example of “fear of missing out” and I flitted from thing to thing, place to place. Just make sure you marry above your station, emotionally.

This sounds like incredible advice, if you can it would be wonderful to learn more of your thinking about marrying above your station, emotionally?

You won’t know, they age like a fine wine - haven’t you heard? You will see very different facets of their personality- before you’re married, after you’re married, after you’ve had kids, after she stops being able to have kids, after the kids have gone off to college.. they are all the same person underneath it all, but you won’t know, you can’t.
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