711–720 of 745 posts
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The guidelines ask that we don't comment on downvotes: > "Please don't comment about the voting on comments. It never does any good, and it makes boring reading." https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
I apologize and retract my comment - cannot delete it now. Do you have a bot that looks for downvote keywords?
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Only if you already have especially likable personality, otherwise you do have to be proactive. For me, if I waiting for people to invite me first I end up with 0 friend. It does seem rude and desperate in the beginning but I have to learn to not think it that way.
>if I waiting for people to invite me first I end up with 0 friend but then those other people are begrudgingly inviting you out of politeness since you asked, rather than being a genuine invite
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1. I only ever heard of this as a dilemma and not a paradox 2. There is this recruiting problem where you have to decide which secretary to hire before having seen all of them. The optimal solution is to see the first 37% ( 1/e ) and then hire the first that is better than the previously seen best. Putting that into lifespan of ~75 ys and assuming we don't really start sampling until we are 15, we end up with an opti…
Oh! I used a similar mathematical model while finding a spouse. I figured, that for me, 37% (1/e) worked out to 13 people. This (finding people) is a space I've spent a lot of time doing, planning, understanding, and thinking about :) Also, there are a lot of scientific papers on how to model these in scholar.google.com (sorry that I don't have links that I can give right now)
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There's an old saying: "A conservative under 30 has no heart. A liberal over 30 has no brain." People age, and that includes their personalities.
It's not a great saying, and it is a myth that people naturally become conservative as they age.
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I'm 33, and my experience has basically been the same as the GP. Past a certain point, you never see your friends again unless they're accompanied by their SO, and once they have kids, their lives revolve around their kids and nothing else. And I'll always remember the culture shock when I a new job where my coworkers were mostly in their 30s while my coworkers at my last job were all in their 20s. Office conversatio…
That does not sound like they don't have friends, that sounds like they talk about what is current or important for them with their friends in the office.
I meant that the kinds of conversations that typical 30-somethings have are conversations that starkly remind me that people my age and older by and large aren't people I identify with.
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The thing though is that I want a peer. I want someone with a similar outlook on life who I can muddle through life with. The people you describe all sound like fascinating characters, but they're not peers. I'm 33, and I don't even see people my age as peers. I'm still a big kid at heart, and when I see people my age who are getting married, having kids, climbing the career ladder, it just reinforces that people my…
I'm a child-free man. My best friend of 12 years is a mother of 2, and 10 years older than me. We're extremely similar people, with extremely similar interests. We just have completely different daily lives. I'd really struggle to think of her as not a peer. But my identification goes in the opposite direction - I identify more more older people. So it's possible you could find peers among 20-somethings?
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It feels like you're ignoring the biological realities behind some mental health conditions. In this case, ADHD. You can't just dismiss deficits in executive function as "not caring". This lecture is a great one on the subject: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmV8HQUuPEk&t=13s Or less specifically you can read: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivit... The reality is that the circuits in the bra…
If you read my other comments you will notice that I do not ignore the real problem. You seem to be in the minority who actually has a medical condition and being late is probably one of the many impacts and maybe not the worst. I am arguing with all the special flowers who "just cannot be in time", because this is fashionable, a mark of superiority or basic assholness.
A lot of times I can "smart" my way out of the worst problems. For instance I missed a flight that was taking me to a cruise the next morning. The airport staff were unhelpful; there weren't really any more flights that night.
But I figured out on my phone that I could switch both source and destination airports and make a new flight. So for the "small" price of a $350 last minute ticket and $60 cab ride, I "solved" my problem. I literally booked the flight on my phone while in the cab between the airports.
A large price to pay for being 15 minutes late, but I saved myself from missing the entire cruise at a cost of thousands.
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Sigh. I'm truly old. That's what etiquette is for, so you have a framework to know that context.
Well, alternatively, we can use our brains and think about questions like "if I am late to this event, will other people be waiting for me/disturbed?" to determine how serious a violation of etiquette it would be to be late.
I didn't mean to imply it's a magic cure-all, just that it's a pre-shared context that makes it easy to make those decisions.