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Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

nytimes.com

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Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#631

Post by ahtu123 »

VLM wrote: post #78

If everyone started out identical, however unlikely that is, and hobby interests compounded like interest, increasing the balance of ... warhammer 40K, for the sake of example, by 1% every year, then at age 18 you'd have identical interests and experiences and therefore make shallow friends with all kinds of randos who will diverge dramatically in the future, and by age 50, 1% compound hobby interest per year means y…

It works well the other way too. Go to a bookclub about a topic you're interested and you might be surprised to find how much in common you have with people who you otherwise might have thought were completely different (different career, family, gender, nationality). I haven't made any friends that way but often the talks we have feel like everyone is old friends in the moment.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#632

Post by ahtu123 »

colmvp wrote: post #4

I can’t seem to read this right now since I’m over my limit of free articles but I’ll say that Meetup.com has been really helpful to find interesting people in the same boat. My recommendation to people is to find a meetup (doesn’t have to be from Meetup, could be a sports league, religious group, volunteering...) that meets frequently so that you have a chance to slowly get to know the same group of people over a co…

Also don't give up on the first dud of a meetup. You need to check out a handful to find a good fit.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#633

Post by mcjiggerlog »

julianilson wrote: post #590
kokey wrote: post #508

As someone who has been an expat in several locations and also divorced, I have found that it's not really due to age but down to where the people around you find themselves in their life and where you find yourself in life. When young people go to college a significant portion of them are in a situation where they would need to seek and develop new friendships. The same happens if you move to a location which has a…

Fellow expat here. This problem had been on my mind for years. Like you said, the main challenge is how to spot the most compatible people in a sea of strangers that are in a similar phase in life. I built We3 to try to make this easier (and it looks like it's working!). We launched recently and matched around 30k people already. It's a mobile app where profiles are private. And it connects people in groups of 3, but…

Looks like a cool tool, but I just wanted to add that I'm a man with at least 50% female friends, so restricting me to only making friends with men is a shame.

I think we've moved past the whole "not being able to be friends with someone of the same gender" thing (nevermind the fact that people of the same gender can date!). There are probably better ways to tackle people using the app for dating.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#634

Post by urlwolf »

bawana wrote: post #244

The older you get, the clearer you see the end of the tunnel. You've heard the quip 'Life is too short'. Well, the work of making friends , of defining how much committment there is to a relationship, etc...is not worth it. Happiness is something only you can allow yourself to have. And once you realize this, who needs the risk of having an emotional downside through a new relationship when you might not have enough…

This is very interesting. First time I hear anyone say that cultivating friendship is not worth it.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#635

Post by patorjk »

erikb wrote: post #543
patorjk wrote: post #9

This was something that was discussed recently in one of the Pokemon Go FB Messenger groups I'm in. The group is mostly people in their 30's and 40's, and some of the people don't have any friends outside of the group. The game has basically brought them a network of friends that they didn't have before. And because "raids" (in-game battles of giant Pokemon) require multiple people and for you to physically go somewh…

do you have a resource (blog, youtube video, etc) where one can get a quick overview of Pokemon Go? When I played it there was not much you could do, so I dropped it completely. I may still have the app installed though.

I'll list some sites below. Though the new main focus of the game is "raids". When you open the game you'll encounter gyms at various locations. 2-3 times a day a gym will have a Raid Boss (you'll know a Raid Boss when you see it, because you have to use a raid pass to fight it - you get 1 pass a day, though you can get more by using coins, which you get by taking and staying in gyms, or by paying for them). The boss will be rated from 1 to 5 stars (1 being easy - a single player can take it down; 5 being the hardest, requiring several players, though defeating a level 5 Raid will earn you the possibility of catching a legendary Pokemon).

The hardest part of the game is getting enough players to take down a high level boss, which is why people have taken to joining chats to coordinate raids. Though this may be different for highly populated areas, and it's still possible to just randomly show up at a raid and find people waiting for it to start.

* https://pokemongo.gamepress.gg/

* https://rankedboost.com/pokemon-go/

* https://thesilphroad.com/

* https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrtyNMe3xtv3CLg5QR78HzQ/vid... - Best youtube channel I've encountered, though it's done in vlog style, so it's probably quicker to get information from the sites above.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#636

Post by [deleted] »

thecrazyone wrote: post #536
dmichulke wrote: post #516

Earlier quoted context omitted.

1. I only ever heard of this as a dilemma and not a paradox 2. There is this recruiting problem where you have to decide which secretary to hire before having seen all of them. The optimal solution is to see the first 37% ( 1/e ) and then hire the first that is better than the previously seen best. Putting that into lifespan of ~75 ys and assuming we don't really start sampling until we are 15, we end up with an opti…

Oh! I used a similar mathematical model while finding a spouse. I figured, that for me, 37% (1/e) worked out to 13 people. This (finding people) is a space I've spent a lot of time doing, planning, understanding, and thinking about :) Also, there are a lot of scientific papers on how to model these in scholar.google.com (sorry that I don't have links that I can give right now)

[deleted]

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#637

Post by hx2a »

77pt77 wrote: post #211
hx2a wrote: post #26

I'm 42, and I wish someone told me in my 20's it would be harder to make new friends as I got older. I would have done things differently. I would have put more effort into making friends then. I am able to make new friends, but they end up being more like acquaintances most of the time. Currently I am in grad school, and that's working out well for me. There's something about the shared camaraderie and shared suffer…

> I'm 42 > Currently I am in grad school A post about being in grad school at 42 would be something I'd read.

Really? Interesting. I can do that. How would be the best way to go about that on HN? I'm new here and haven't seen any posts like that. Just start a thread with some info and answer questions?

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#638

Post by cortesoft »

loorinm wrote: post #364
cortesoft wrote: post #118

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What emotions, though? He just sounds like an angry person. I am sure dealing with that is a burden on your mom, but an angry person is going to be a burden no matter how many friends they have.

That’s a pretty sad view on humanity isn’t it? When they get angry throw them in the garbage?

I never suggested they be thrown in the garbage. I was just saying that dealing with an angry person is a burden.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#639

Post by hx2a »

Yaggo wrote: post #469
hx2a wrote: post #26

I'm 42, and I wish someone told me in my 20's it would be harder to make new friends as I got older. I would have done things differently. I would have put more effort into making friends then. I am able to make new friends, but they end up being more like acquaintances most of the time. Currently I am in grad school, and that's working out well for me. There's something about the shared camaraderie and shared suffer…

This. I realized too late that student life (college, university) is not about studying but for making life-long friends, building the base for your network.

Happily the grad program I am in now is great for building a network of friends. Not only with the current students but the alumni as well.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#640

Post by vanderZwan »

julianilson wrote: post #590
kokey wrote: post #508

As someone who has been an expat in several locations and also divorced, I have found that it's not really due to age but down to where the people around you find themselves in their life and where you find yourself in life. When young people go to college a significant portion of them are in a situation where they would need to seek and develop new friendships. The same happens if you move to a location which has a…

Fellow expat here. This problem had been on my mind for years. Like you said, the main challenge is how to spot the most compatible people in a sea of strangers that are in a similar phase in life. I built We3 to try to make this easier (and it looks like it's working!). We launched recently and matched around 30k people already. It's a mobile app where profiles are private. And it connects people in groups of 3, but…

I like the idea, but aren't you worried that Grant Morrisson or DC will complain about the name?

[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/We3

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