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The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

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Re: The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

#61

Post by IAmBroom »

cachius wrote: post #39

>> If I fix the things that aren’t OK, all will be well. If I improve myself enough, if I only work hard enough, I can finally eliminate my suffering. >I hate to inform you, but this doesn’t work. I’m also thrilled to inform you that this doesn’t work. You can stop picking up a lot of boulders. Really reminds me of Oliver Burkeman. Take https://www.oliverburkeman.com/never for a start: I might be stuck with certain i…

"The purpose of psychotherapy is to turn neurotic anguish into ordinary suffering", or something to that effect.

Re: The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

#62

Post by IAmBroom »

mchaver wrote: post #35
PunchyHamster wrote: post #26

> The older I get, the more I think that self-help can be a trap. Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease. I say this after ~20 years of writing self-help and a lifetime of consuming it. so, the self help didn't help and he passed the problem on his readers. Great!

I am sure it helped his wallet though. Be wary of the aging sophist that repents.

I am reminded of the multiple retired US GOP politicians who show a change of heart and break with their party's direction, sometimes admitting they were part of the problem.

Re: The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

#63

Post by Aurornis »

Cthulhu_ wrote: post #47

Self-help books are based on first telling you you have a problem, then selling the solution. I get that some are actually correct, but the industry as a whole can only be sustained by inventing new problems and/or making sure newer generations learn about existing ones. Ferris is a self-help book author, and while I kinda get where he's driving at, it also feels like he's just doing the same thing again, but meta -…

I agree with your assessment.

Tim Ferriss has always been good at identifying the next trends in the self-help space and positioning himself as an expert for trending themes. I think he might be acknowledging that self-help markets are saturated with all of the life extension influencers trying to one up each other with their protocols and supplement stacks.

This might be a trial balloon to see if this topic has legs for another book or product.

Re: The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

#64

Post by mjklin »

eucyclos wrote: post #9

I enjoy self improvement, but there is something deeply therapeutic about self non - improvement. I don't say 'self acceptance' because that's often described as a necessary precursor to changing whatever we find difficult to accept about ourselves.

In his Essays, Michel de Montaigne had a neighbor whose doctor told him not to eat a certain dish. When Montaigne asked him why he ate it anyway, he said he needed something to curse at.

Re: The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

#65

Post by rramadass »

Nonsense; This guy (and others of his ilk) is just a hustler.

People seem to lose all their common sense as soon as somebody trots out easy-sounding-without-effort-for-the-price-of-a-book soothing advice to solve all their problems.

Meanwhile the real "self-help" exists in plain sight in the domains of Philosophy and Psychology coupled with an understanding of Neuroscience/Biology.

People should checkout Hindu Philosophies of Samkhya and Yoga, Buddhist Philosophies of Japanese Zen and Tibetan Lojong, Greek/Roman Stoic Philosophies of Epictetus, Seneca, Cicero, Marcus Aurelius.

On the Psychology side checkout Self-Determination Theory, Applied Behavioural Analysis and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

On the Neuroscience/Biology front checkout the importance of circadian rhythms/diet/exercise/sleep along with needed essential minerals/vitamins/etc.

That will give you all the information you need to devise your own workable self-help regimen.

Re: The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

#66

Post by Muromec »

Aurornis wrote: post #63
Cthulhu_ wrote: post #47

Self-help books are based on first telling you you have a problem, then selling the solution. I get that some are actually correct, but the industry as a whole can only be sustained by inventing new problems and/or making sure newer generations learn about existing ones. Ferris is a self-help book author, and while I kinda get where he's driving at, it also feels like he's just doing the same thing again, but meta -…

I agree with your assessment. Tim Ferriss has always been good at identifying the next trends in the self-help space and positioning himself as an expert for trending themes. I think he might be acknowledging that self-help markets are saturated with all of the life extension influencers trying to one up each other with their protocols and supplement stacks. This might be a trial balloon to see if this topic has legs…

the post itself sells at least two books on buddhism already

Re: The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

#67

Post by Throaway1985123 »

matwood wrote: post #57
DieErde wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree that more empathy would enrich mundane interactions. But I also think it is worthwhile to look for other adventurous people with whom I can share my own interests.

Adventure can take many forms, you just have to look outside yourself to see. For example, I’ve flown to Paris many times, that’s no longer an adventure for me (though I do love visiting the Louvre any time I’m in Paris). Finding adventure and interest in everyday life whether it’s traveling to a new place or visiting my local coffee shop is the real adventure for me. So many people are amazing, but you have to be cu…

K but the person in his example said he was fine doing the same thing he had been doing for the bast decade, not that he didn't want to go to Paris cause hed already gone there. People enjoy their little ruts because they dont want to leave their comfort zone.

Re: The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

#68

Post by watwut »

apsurd wrote: post #21
mettamage wrote: post #15

> Self-help is dangerous precisely because it easily becomes self-fixation. In my self-help journey I came across meditation which ultimately led me to altruistic-based practices. So can't relate. > A focus on improving the self usually first requires finding problems with the self Oh I got in there the other way around. I wanted a few things out of life socially speaking but society was blocking me somehow. So I wen…

There's a lot of "I"s in your paragraph there. I think it's worth it to be ok with everyone being a little bit in the same boat of wanting to self-help, then becoming enamored with buddhist ideas, then grappling with everyday being just another human. In whatever order. I'm sure you mean well but just kinda irked me that you immediately put in the effort to "nope can't relate"

If someone makes generic statements that apply to all, it is 100% ok to answer with I cant relate.

Frankly, even superior. Too many people frame own feelings and individual experiences and general universal or even rational truths.

Re: The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

#69

Post by 47282847 »

DieErde wrote: post #32
rendx wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have you actually shown genuine interest in their adventures, or is it you who defines what is adventurous and what is not, and not see that they defend against your interests, and by that protect their own? Why do you feel the need to make decisions for them? Is it you that is unhappy about their choices, or is it them? (How did your parents react to your wishes and desires? Was your autonomy celebrated, or dismisse…

I'm not making decisions for anybody. You can stay at home and watch your garden grow. Fine with me. I described what type of people I like. And that those are rather the pyramid climbers.

Things I consider most adventurous: Facing past trauma and healing from it, including coming to terms and re-arranging family relationships and other social relationships without causing harm. Taking responsibility in the world, both for past actions and future ones. Raising children with unconditional love. Settling conflicts in ways that result in a good outcome for everyone involved. Arranging life in a way to make these activities possible.

None of those adventures involve pyramids or startups, but a lot of courage, energy, and dragons.

I wonder how much you know about what people consider their own adventures, and how many they have had to face. Like divorce. Or sudden loss of job. Real world stuff.

Re: The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

#70

Post by JALTU »

Bishonen88 wrote: post #53

Didn't realize who's blog I'm reading. I was intrigued by the title, being a fan of 'self help' books. I mostly read about productivity (i.e. Feel-Good Productivity is a good one IMO), health, living a balanced life etc. and was expecting to find some a-ha moments in this post. I didn't. It confused me more than anything often talking about 'relationships' as if this is the only self-help kind of book there is. And I…

There is undoubtedly value in both the self-help advice and the self-reflection and self-assessment involved in deciding if the advice is for you.

That value likely will decrease with age and experience, but is still nice to consciously acknowledge and even reflect on, again after the lessons have been absorbed in whatever ways they have been absorbed, adjusted, or rejected.

Wherever you go, there you are. :)

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