61–70 of 146 posts
I wonder how do you avoid a situation in mid-life where you've achieved accomplished, etc, and now really lack a strong desire for anything? How do you find your motivation?
Is there a guide for knowing what you want?
As a result, I changed my career path (slightly! not even a whole blow-up-your-life thing) a year ago and have been happier since.
I also really liked the book Four Thousand Weeks, which is all about figuring out how you want to spend your finite lifetime.
If you’re going to marry, marry well. I'd wager that 90% of not getting what you want in adulthood relates to compromise or deferral to your spouse.
Certainly feeling this right now. I do not have parents to give advice, and no “marriage role models” to speak of. This has lead me into a situation where I was poached into marriage and used to fulfil another’s needs - one who does not take my own needs into account. It’s going to be a mess to get out of, but lesson learned…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Y'all heard of polyamory ? There are better models out there than staying only with one person and denying yourself the beauty of an expanded heart.
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If you’re going to marry, marry well. I'd wager that 90% of not getting what you want in adulthood relates to compromise or deferral to your spouse.
Y'all heard of polyamory ? There are better models out there than staying only with one person and denying yourself the beauty of an expanded heart.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
i also sold my startup to a good outcome and ran the business very profitably for years and i agree that there are some things that can not be taught - but that doesn't mean they can't be learned if you have the right mental models. at one point i was terrible at dating / women but over the years i've gotten a lot better than where i started. and yes, there are some people who are just hopeless because they refuse to…
Just my N=1 here, but I've actually run the self-improvement gamut and got results out of it - had a year where I went from never having held hands with a girl to sleeping around quite a bit. I think the self-improvement type of vibe tends to attract girls who are more into short term things, which leads to burnout. By this I mean, if you are a guy who looks very good/masculine, are good at flirting, etc but just are…
more well adjusted/successful men are "deficient" (this term is used loosely) in fewer of these categories and may not need to change much from baseline, or at all. the zero dudes need to level up basically everything in order to even have a snowball's chance in hell. i.e. a tall jacked rich dude can get away with being an emotionally needy text-happy dork sometimes. it might even be endearing in a "i can fix him" kind of way.
the most important thing is for guys who WANT to improve (not everyone really gives a shit, which is fine) the most important thing to understand is that you CAN improve, and society's bullshit platitudes, dismissals of concern, and implications creepiness of wanting to improve are just that - bullshit, deeply dishonest, deceitful, and fucking cruel.
to make matters worse there are all sorts of con artists who prey on younger guys so hearing this kind of stuff from a non-sales-oriented pov on a place like HN is important.
> Quite often a reasonable, achievable, and worthwhile desire goes unpursued because we have a simultaneous desire to not pursue it. When we say something is “impossible” or “too hard” or “not in the cards,” that’s a clue. This resonates. Many who are stuck frustrated not getting what they want have talked themselves out of trying to get it to begin with. A good another clue is 3rd party attribution. "My life is bad…
It’s a self-truthing statement. As in, everyone who doesn’t agree with you is also excluded from your criteria. So from your point of view, you are absolutely right. It goes like this: - Papa deer: “Remember son, you have the power to make objects move by thought. If you see a car rolling towards you, STARE at it straight in the headlights and concentrate and move it with your mind.” - Son deer: “Isn’t that how grand…
I am not talking about guaranteed success, but about people who don't try the avenues that are available to them.
Like if you are a deer and your family is getting killed by cars, have you tried not standing in the damn road?
I know so many people who have an obvious next action available that would leave them no worse and likely better, but they don't try it.
Which brings me to the second part of your post. What have you tried that could potentially lead you to be less irritating to women? Or at least, what could you try? I could come up with a list of 5+ things for you right now and I don't even know you.
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I recommend you look at Effective Altruism . Can there be anything more-fulfilling or less regret-on-your-deathbed than helping others (while knowing you're doing it in the most effective way you can)? There are hobbies for sure, but when you spend 80,000 Hours in a career which you feel helps no one but you with your income, you might find mid-life there are more-important things. https://www.effectivealtruism.org/…
I used to believe in Effective Altruism but the older I get the more I realise that it’s just another “feel good” philanthropy for rich people movement with completely warped values around so called rationality, utilitarianism and technological saviour complexes. If one reads the website and the projects accomplished most of them are completely vapid. Malaria nets? AI assignment research? Some high brow research inst…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
It’s a self-truthing statement. As in, everyone who doesn’t agree with you is also excluded from your criteria. So from your point of view, you are absolutely right. It goes like this: - Papa deer: “Remember son, you have the power to make objects move by thought. If you see a car rolling towards you, STARE at it straight in the headlights and concentrate and move it with your mind.” - Son deer: “Isn’t that how grand…
i also sold my startup to a good outcome and ran the business very profitably for years and i agree that there are some things that can not be taught - but that doesn't mean they can't be learned if you have the right mental models. at one point i was terrible at dating / women but over the years i've gotten a lot better than where i started. and yes, there are some people who are just hopeless because they refuse to…
Have you found a way of finding similarly minded people in life?