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Confronting failure as a core life skill

buildinghealthier.substack.com

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Re: Confronting failure as a core life skill

#51

Post by shreyshnaccount »

asdf6677 wrote: post #49
davidscolgan wrote: post #45

It feels like I have failed in every way that is possible. I have lost my wife, my child, my parents, my grandparents, my friends, my house burned down with all of my possessions. I lost my ability to code due to burnout and had to spend several years doing nothing. During my burnout experience I was basically forced to confront the roaring void of existence. I spent time at a monastery and contemplated the futility…

[flagged]

Incredibly bad take if you don't know this person's life and experience

Re: Confronting failure as a core life skill

#52

Post by dom_hutton »

asdf6677 wrote: post #49
davidscolgan wrote: post #45

It feels like I have failed in every way that is possible. I have lost my wife, my child, my parents, my grandparents, my friends, my house burned down with all of my possessions. I lost my ability to code due to burnout and had to spend several years doing nothing. During my burnout experience I was basically forced to confront the roaring void of existence. I spent time at a monastery and contemplated the futility…

[flagged]

Your reply is dismissive of the OPs grievances they shared with us all.

Suffering, and life, is a relative experience.

Re: Confronting failure as a core life skill

#53

Post by Etheryte »

asdf6677 wrote: post #49
davidscolgan wrote: post #45

It feels like I have failed in every way that is possible. I have lost my wife, my child, my parents, my grandparents, my friends, my house burned down with all of my possessions. I lost my ability to code due to burnout and had to spend several years doing nothing. During my burnout experience I was basically forced to confront the roaring void of existence. I spent time at a monastery and contemplated the futility…

[flagged]

This is utter nonsense. "People in Africa eat less than you do so you have no right to feel hungry" levels of nonsense.

Re: Confronting failure as a core life skill

#54

Post by matwood »

safety1st wrote: post #33
monero-xmr wrote: post #10

To paraphrase Richard Pryor, I support anyone trying to do anything at anytime. It’s so, so easy to be a passive consumer, a critic. It is so much more dangerous and vulnerable to put yourself out there and make something - anything - beyond simply doing what you are told. Whether it’s making art or making businesses. If you start businesses, you will fail. Fact of life. Happened to me many times. You know what inves…

I really needed this right now. Thank you. We had some negative customer feedback come in last night and a contract was canceled because of it. I wish this customer had responded to my emails asking for feedback over the last three months but they didn't. Now it's over and done with and some of the most damning feedback we've ever received. It breaks my heart, I'm in a low place today. But as you say, business is har…

I'm no expert, but have been around start ups to large companies for a long time in many roles. Business/capitalism is a full contact sport. Getting someone to give you money, whether it's a $1 or $1M dollars is fucking hard. With billions of people in the world, you think it would be easier to find 10k of them to give you $10 - nope. When selling something, the vast vast majority say no.

I remember at a prior company we had our biggest customer drop us. Similar situation, we worked with them for months to get usage up, but they ignored/blocked our efforts. Then one day, no renewal. It hurt, it was scary, but the way business works. It also led to a pivot and later acquisition.

Re: Confronting failure as a core life skill

#55

Post by retrac »

asdf6677 wrote: post #49
davidscolgan wrote: post #45

It feels like I have failed in every way that is possible. I have lost my wife, my child, my parents, my grandparents, my friends, my house burned down with all of my possessions. I lost my ability to code due to burnout and had to spend several years doing nothing. During my burnout experience I was basically forced to confront the roaring void of existence. I spent time at a monastery and contemplated the futility…

[flagged]

It's interesting what hypotheticals, straw men really, that we project in our minds as we read. When he said "doing nothing" I pictured a literally homeless man drifting through life. Such people can certainly "afford" to do nothing. You presumably pictured something different. In any case neither of us is likely imagining what OP has actually lived.

Re: Confronting failure as a core life skill

#56

Post by matwood »

Niksko wrote: post #23
pier25 wrote: post #17

Learning to deal with frustration is probably one of the most important skills one can acquire.

Any tips?

Detach in a good way. Look at a situation from other PoVs. Is the frustration even warranted. A silly example, someone cuts you off in traffic. Some people go ballistic, but to what end? Shrug and move on. Think of it as don't let yourself bike-shed personal events. Focus on what matters.

Re: Confronting failure as a core life skill

#57

Post by antonvs »

Arisaka1 wrote: post #36
kxrm wrote: post #18

I am pretty open about my past failures with others but I definitely understand why people aren't. There is a stigma associated with failure that society still hasn't accepted. My last job I held the title of VP of Engineering. It was a small company and during my time there I recognized that the title was outsized for what I actually did. I was actually more of an Engineering Manager. All of my direct reports were I…

>There is a stigma associated with failure that society still hasn't accepted. I don't think that the stigma is only associated with failure, but also with lacking talent/gift. Founders, developers, etc. simply want to look pristine, flawless, gifted. The mythical unicorn who "everything who touches turns to success" and any setback or effort is downplayed. In the company I previously worked for as a junior developer…

> When I asked him how to "become as good as you are"

This is an almost insulting question. What are you expecting, some magic trick? Go spend years studying, working hard, and focusing on improving yourself.

Re: Confronting failure as a core life skill

#58

Post by mdp2021 »

nottorp wrote: post #46
mdp2021 wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Acceptance of facts (of situations) and removal of their internal impact - more structurally, replacement of their impact with their acceptance. Then, constructive perspective there where there is space for action; just stopping wasting energies on it where there is no space for action.

Translation: if things aren't going your way get on with workarounds and damage control / recovery instead of butting your head against a wall.

I'll take your track and reformulate my original:

if things aren't going your way, and you are ruminating and poisoning your blood fruitfullessly remembering the bad events, replace those thoughts with the acceptance that the events are there - stop agonizing uselessly, take the novelties as just a matter of fact. Get out of the thought, get out of the emotion - they can be replaced by a label, "Past. There. What is done is done. Next".

Then, if you can do something about it (to fix the situation), enter the constructive mood of the entrepreneur exploiting the useful fact of being alive to engineer reality. Otherwise, if you cannot do anything about it, bear the consequences but do not let the damage increase through an inadvisable behaviour of possibly letting events impact your mental, emotional states - that would be wasted energy, wasted health, wasted time.

Re: Confronting failure as a core life skill

#59

Post by AlecSchueler »

asdf6677 wrote: post #49
davidscolgan wrote: post #45

It feels like I have failed in every way that is possible. I have lost my wife, my child, my parents, my grandparents, my friends, my house burned down with all of my possessions. I lost my ability to code due to burnout and had to spend several years doing nothing. During my burnout experience I was basically forced to confront the roaring void of existence. I spent time at a monastery and contemplated the futility…

[flagged]

Drown in the ocean or drown in the bath it's all the same to your body.

Re: Confronting failure as a core life skill

#60

Post by jahsome »

asdf6677 wrote: post #49
davidscolgan wrote: post #45

It feels like I have failed in every way that is possible. I have lost my wife, my child, my parents, my grandparents, my friends, my house burned down with all of my possessions. I lost my ability to code due to burnout and had to spend several years doing nothing. During my burnout experience I was basically forced to confront the roaring void of existence. I spent time at a monastery and contemplated the futility…

[flagged]

Gold medal at the trauma olympics I see.
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