41–50 of 96 posts
Learning to deal with frustration is probably one of the most important skills one can acquire.
Any tips?
Then, constructive perspective there where there is space for action; just stopping wasting energies on it where there is no space for action.
I am pretty open about my past failures with others but I definitely understand why people aren't. There is a stigma associated with failure that society still hasn't accepted. My last job I held the title of VP of Engineering. It was a small company and during my time there I recognized that the title was outsized for what I actually did. I was actually more of an Engineering Manager. All of my direct reports were I…
>There is a stigma associated with failure that society still hasn't accepted. I don't think that the stigma is only associated with failure, but also with lacking talent/gift. Founders, developers, etc. simply want to look pristine, flawless, gifted. The mythical unicorn who "everything who touches turns to success" and any setback or effort is downplayed. In the company I previously worked for as a junior developer…
I had a brilliant professor once, aware of the fact that he didn't really actually need to try, he was just incredibly gifted as a mathematician and for him undergrad was a walk in the park. He knew that he could teach us, but dealing with "the struggle" wasn't something he could empathise with.
People often ask me how I had the motivation/discipline or drive to achieve certain long term goals and my honest answer is that they just didn't seem optional to me, like how one might brush their teeth without thinking. I couldn't give actionable advice to someone who, for example, "wants to get in shape" beyond what are essentially tautologies like just eat less and exercise more.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Screw them If they are there to watch you burn it's because they fear failing so bad they want to reinforce their world view or control their surroundings such that no one around them attempts anything they can fail at. Unironically they are failing at those things because they don't work. Now get this, if you go off and do something right... They have failed again. 99% of people want you to suffer and fail at everyt…
> 99% of people want you to That seems detached from reality and a dangerous, more than productive, idea. They are more probably uninterested or superficial (which is in a way the same). You do not need to feign enemies to get detached. Or, you should find a better environment.
To paraphrase Richard Pryor, I support anyone trying to do anything at anytime. It’s so, so easy to be a passive consumer, a critic. It is so much more dangerous and vulnerable to put yourself out there and make something - anything - beyond simply doing what you are told. Whether it’s making art or making businesses. If you start businesses, you will fail. Fact of life. Happened to me many times. You know what inves…
I really needed this right now. Thank you. We had some negative customer feedback come in last night and a contract was canceled because of it. I wish this customer had responded to my emails asking for feedback over the last three months but they didn't. Now it's over and done with and some of the most damning feedback we've ever received. It breaks my heart, I'm in a low place today. But as you say, business is har…
I have lost my wife, my child, my parents, my grandparents, my friends, my house burned down with all of my possessions. I lost my ability to code due to burnout and had to spend several years doing nothing.
During my burnout experience I was basically forced to confront the roaring void of existence. I spent time at a monastery and contemplated the futility of it all.
And yet at the end of all of this, I considered what else is there to do with life but to begin anew? And now that I have lost everything, I am no longer naive. I know what is possible to have, and what is possible to lose, and I can act with understanding from past experience. I feel far more capable of success now that I know what it is to fail in the hardest ways I can imagine.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Any tips?
Acceptance of facts (of situations) and removal of their internal impact - more structurally, replacement of their impact with their acceptance. Then, constructive perspective there where there is space for action; just stopping wasting energies on it where there is no space for action.
I was enjoying the 1 minute I could read of this until something popped up asking to do something and I just clicked away!!!
It is really annoying how substack hides or blends the Continue reading link when authors ask for readers to convert into subscribers. At least clicking outside modal should be considered "continue reading". I find this as aggressive subscriber hunting.
I wish I could be more honest with my failures, but people have abused my trust so many times I have lost count. at some point you just have to cut your losses and keep it to yourself, or to a few select few.
For me personally, it turned out I have autism (which I didn't realize until age 33), and understanding this helped me understand perhaps why I was being deceived so often.
Generally, I appreciated this article by Malcolm Ocean about his idea of a "Non-Naive Trust Dance". https://malcolmocean.com/2021/09/non-naive-trust-dance-why-t... He suggests that the optimal strategy for trust building is a slow building over time that acknowledges the distrust inherent to both parties rather than naively accepting people at face value.
It feels like I have failed in every way that is possible. I have lost my wife, my child, my parents, my grandparents, my friends, my house burned down with all of my possessions. I lost my ability to code due to burnout and had to spend several years doing nothing. During my burnout experience I was basically forced to confront the roaring void of existence. I spent time at a monastery and contemplated the futility…
It feels like I have failed in every way that is possible. I have lost my wife, my child, my parents, my grandparents, my friends, my house burned down with all of my possessions. I lost my ability to code due to burnout and had to spend several years doing nothing. During my burnout experience I was basically forced to confront the roaring void of existence. I spent time at a monastery and contemplated the futility…
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I live at the monastery full time now.