I tend to lose friends every time I start talking about Emacs.
That’s because you should switch to Vim, then you would have more friends.
That's a guaranteed path to evil [1]
Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
51–60 of 371 posts
Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
#52Three factors identified to make friendships more likely:
See https://www.businessinsider.com/things-that-help-people-make...
Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
#53What makes someone a friend? Anyway?
When you were a kid, you play with other kids, slowly you know each other, understand each other. And then that understanding grow into trust, and further into reliance or even love.
As an adult, reliance and love is hard to develop due to many factors, but understanding and trust can still grow.
Under this new situation, maybe it's just more rational to change the definition of friendship, since deeper interactions (such as companionship) has now became too expensive.
> Eventually, loneliness can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Maybe one day you'll find that you already have many friends living around you, you ignored it in the past because "that's just regular old living".
Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
#54The article does not mention how immigrants can make friends. Not all but most natives treat immigrants as outsiders. I get it that you are more likely to be friends with someone who is similar to you. If it was difficult for a city girl to make friends with people who look like her but grew up in a different location, I can't even imagine how difficult it must be for immigrants who don't look the same, have a differ…
I moved from Korea to NZ. And I’m recently trying out Japan. I think it can be _easier_ to make friends as an immigrant that looks different (as long as you can speak their language) as there will always be people who are interested in different cultures.
Though I have found that it can be quite hard to become close friends but it’s definitely possible.
Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
#55> continuous unplanned interaction and shared vulnerability So... become a regular at local restaurants, random coffee shops, bars, clubs, farmer's markets, parks, hiking trails, start a band, volunteer somewhere, join a gym, travel, etc. In other words, get out more?
> So... become a regular at local restaurants, random coffee shops, bars, clubs, farmer's markets, parks, hiking trails, start a band, volunteer somewhere, join a gym, travel, etc. Maybe this used to work, but it no longer does. I'm a regular at several local hangouts, hit the gym several days a week, and go out to other activities regularly. I rarely have conversations with anyone beyond perfunctory pleasantries wit…
> since COVID people almost exclusively stick to themselves or the group they came with.
I’ve noticed the same thing. I used to go out a lot, loved to out talk to people, maybe a party a bit. Sometimes I’d go with a group, often times I’d go out alone. It used to be pretty common if you were alone on a weekend, someone would invite you to come sit and chat with them.
Post-covid though I’ve pretty much stopped going out. People seem more antisocial outside of their insular groups, at least compared to pre-covid. The “friend” group I was part of imploded because of petty drama and nowadays, the only thing I get from going out alone is a bad hangover the next day.
Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
#56Earlier quoted context omitted.
Go to meetup.com. Find a weekly meetup in your area that matches one of your interests (or start one). Go to that meetup every week. Within a couple months you'll be friends with the regulars. I've done this in two cities and I'm still long distance friends with the people I met in the first city. It only takes a couple hours per week and for your mental health you should be getting out for social activities anyway.…
Where do you live? I’ve always seen people rave about meetup but most of the time when I’ve downloaded it’s filled mostly with scammy crap (MLM groups and similar business schemes), “entrepreneurs” trying to “network” and hyper specific demographic groups (40+ singles hiking group or whatever)
When I lived in LA I went to a beach dodgeball meetup organized by Herbalife MLM "health coaches". It was actually a rather positive experience. I biked out three mornings a week for many months, and played dodgeball and then did high intensity exercises in the sand. Afterward I would go to their gym and pay $5 for a protein shake, and socialize with an eclectic bunch of people completely unlike me. I lost 40lb, could do 100 pull ups, and I could buy the outfit off a dummy at Macy's and look good.
One girl had "dibs" on me regarding the MLM scheme. She eventually got a bit irritated that I never signed up, but I still managed to integrate myself into their social circle for a good while. I even went to one of their conferences, just out of curiosity.
A good number of the people I met were actually quite interesting, but had some unsatisfied aspect of their life. The combination of community and intense exercise was healthy for them, even if they were spending their time futilely trying to sell supplements.
Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
#57Earlier quoted context omitted.
Go to meetup.com. Find a weekly meetup in your area that matches one of your interests (or start one). Go to that meetup every week. Within a couple months you'll be friends with the regulars. I've done this in two cities and I'm still long distance friends with the people I met in the first city. It only takes a couple hours per week and for your mental health you should be getting out for social activities anyway.…
Where do you live? I’ve always seen people rave about meetup but most of the time when I’ve downloaded it’s filled mostly with scammy crap (MLM groups and similar business schemes), “entrepreneurs” trying to “network” and hyper specific demographic groups (40+ singles hiking group or whatever)
There's like 8 different board game meetups in Chicago on the site, as a data point.
Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
#58Pretty sure I’m both uncool and bad at making friends
Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
#59I had this problem recently since I moved to another country where I don’t know anyone except my girlfriend and her family, in post covid.
People are nice and always open to share and have a chat for free. After feeling alone for a bit I started overthinking on every little comment or phrase that I could have misunderstood that made me feel those people were not interested in a conversation with me. I was wrong, but that’s how our brain works when we’re alone (or with the same people) for too long. Getting out there and having many conversations as possible helps a lot.
Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
#60Earlier quoted context omitted.
I’ve never heard of this sort of thing. It almost seems more like an informal club than a group of friends. (Not to knock the idea, it seems interesting).
Weekly hangs are real. I have started and participated in several. I think a key to a good group hang is to have an activity that serves as a base narrative for why everyone is together. The activity should be easy enough for newcomers to join in, and compelling enough to keep people coming back.
Even something as simple at 'eating pizza' is enough of a frame to be useful