Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

RIP Bill Zeller

metatalk.metafilter.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

51–60 of 146 posts

Re: RIP Bill Zeller

#51

Post by yogipatel »

bad_user wrote: post #41
xatax wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think what saddens me most about this note is his experience with counseling professionals I can relate to that part of the note. With one (minor?) exception, I've never seen a proper doctor about my issues, but I've been to a number of counselors over the years. Almost all of them have been completely useless to me, because I can clearly see that I'm not safe there. I think it's a bit like the situation Mr. Zeller…

One thing you have to realize is that a counselor/doctor is not your friend, but someone that helps you solve your problems with professional advice (level of competency varies of course). Getting over any recurrent destructive mood is much like a war. First you need to go to war, then you need strategies, you need to work on it and there's going to be pain involved, with multiple battles won and lost. Going to couns…

One thing you have to realize is that a counselor/doctor is not your friend, but someone that helps you solve your problems with professional advice

Depending on the situation, it can take a patient a lot of time to even begin to have this thought.

Re: RIP Bill Zeller

#52

Post by mitsche82 »

A lot of this letter described what I felt like up until just a few months ago. I have also had experience with physical and emotional violence (no rape though) and felt absolutely worthless most of my life. One year ago I decided to seek out a therapist, which was one of the hardest things ever to do for me. Therapy has been painful at times, sometimes leaving me completely in shambles. But today I can say that I'm happy to be alive, and I feel worth of being loved and I escaped the dark cloud that used to surround me almost constantly for the majority of my life.

What I'm saying is: seek professional help. If you feel like you can't go on anymore, seek professional help. Talking helps. Let go of the secrets that keep eating you up alive. Share them with at least one person, be it a friend or a professional. But under no circumstance keep them to yourself until they kill you. Some of them weigh too much too carry them alone. Let someone help you.

Re: RIP Bill Zeller

#53

Post by _pius »

Terrible, shocking news. I knew Bill in passing, as we'd talked about doing a project together. He was a very nice, very smart guy. He will be missed.

Re: RIP Bill Zeller

#54

Post by Vivtek »

lwhi wrote: post #34
noname123 wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I for one, thought that it was quite positive thing and I respect his decision to take his own life. It was very well thought-out suicide note; I think most people are quite baffled by it because of the degree of author's rational explanations, extreme honesty and empathy for others in spite of his own pains. Also, he unintentionally perhaps shed light on programming which a lot of us could relate to, At times growin…

I for one, thought that it was quite positive thing and I respect his decision to take his own life. I disagree. Maybe it's possible to understand some of what he felt from his eloquent explanation, but I don't think suicide is ever the only solution. There will be other people reading this, who will be in similar situations. It fills me with so much sadness to think that there might be one who reads this and thinks…

I'm not sure anybody is saying his suicide was the right thing to do - what struck me was the logical/emotional trap this highly intelligent person had gotten himself into. I mean, clearly reasonable problems trusting anyone (he'd presumably trusted his family, and his unnamed abuser - and look where it got him! - along with his friends who outed him when he thought he had a reasonable expectation of confidentiality), so how could he get the help he needed? He couldn't even reasonably tell anybody of the bind he was in.

It was like a real-life version of a Chalker novel, without the escape of knowing it's just fiction. Horrible to read, given that his extreme eloquence and rationality make it crystal clear what was going on in his mind.

I don't think he was brave to take his life. I think he was brave to continue living it as long as he managed to do so.

Re: RIP Bill Zeller

#55

Post by yeahsure »

A very dear friend of mine just committed suicide a month ago. He was a very intelligent guy about to become successful.

I wish he would have left a note like this behind to know why he did it.

I realize this comment doesn't add much value to the conversation, I'm just thinking out loud. Thanks.

Re: RIP Bill Zeller

#56

Post by savoy11 »

It is a very sad story, but... well, I do not like to sound like a dick, but there are many people worse off and they manage to get by and even make other people happy.

For example I do not really even had a family AT ALL. I know people that have been born disabled, etc. It is not really fair to compare abuse with that, but - problems tend to happen and we need to deal with them.

Again - if this is his choice and this is how he chose to deal with that - that's fine, but this kind of public stunt at then end + dissing his family publicly is not really the best way he could have dealt with it.

From his post he seems to have had deep clinical depression and while his traumatic experience in the past might have been at the root of this, this certainly does not justify 30+ years of constant depression. Literally half of the people in this world have witnessed friends die, live in pain/problems, depression - but choose to keep low profile with that. Public suicide on the internet - not cool.

Re: RIP Bill Zeller

#57

Post by basseq »

Strange to see a name on HN and think, wait, I knew someone with that name. Wait, the guy I knew went to Princeton. Wait...

I never met Bill in person, but we collaborated on a couple projects and used to exchange random e-mails and IMs. He was a bright guy and I enjoyed our correspondence. His note is heartbreaking, and I hope he has finally found peace.

Re: RIP Bill Zeller

#58

Post by nickl »

I think he should have joined doctors without borders, peace corps or whatever it is called, or one of those Christian mission (even though he had a problem with Christians) . He may have found peace in helping those who suffered more then him

Re: RIP Bill Zeller

#59

Post by wyclif »

brandnewlow wrote: post #37

This is a sad story. I am reminded of another Princeton suicide, Manzili Davis '06 drove to California during spring break of his senior year, rented a storage unit and took his life inside of it. It was weeks before he was found. http://www.princeton.edu/main/news/archive/S14/54/83M99/ We had mutual friends and I met him a few times. He had his own "darkness" just like Bill Zeller. I do wonder if places like Princet…

I disagree strongly that Princeton is a "sham" town-- it's very real and has its own identity outside of the University. I've spent quite a bit of time there and there are plenty of people who have lived there for years with no connection whatsoever to the school.

As to your contention that there is "not a whole lot there", I would just give you Labyrinth Books as Exhibit A: one of the best bookstores on the East Coast IMO.

I'm a little more open to your feeling that Princeton is isolated, but originally there was a reason for that. A lot of American schools are in the middle of nowhere. At one time this was a selling point for parents: they felt better sending their kids to schools where there was little chance of big-city trouble to get into like NY or Chicago (for example). It is a genuine tragedy if Bill Zeller fell victim to isolation that was originally planned to protect students, not psychologically alienate them.

Re: RIP Bill Zeller

#60

Post by [deleted] »

khafra wrote: post #50
phuff wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The sad part is that there are people who can keep confidences. There are counselors who would keep his confidence. There are friends who would keep his confidence. I'm convinced there's probably even a girl out there who could love him enough for who he was to help him understand that even though the darkness was present her love was for him and was willing to deal with it's presence. If anything, this letter, and a…

This whole thing has been making me think: It'd be expensive as hell and not covered by medical insurance, and it sounds crazy, but I wonder if talking to a lawyer would've helped. A study I can no longer locate found that talking to any intelligent person who shows an interest is comparable to a professional therapist; and lawyers generally take the privacy of their clients very seriously.

[deleted]
Post reply on HN