Thank you HN • Hacker News Board

Re: Thank you HN

#51

Post by PopeDotNinja » Mon, Aug 13, 2018, 12:48 AM UTC

throwaway874 wrote: post #28

CodeWriter23 wrote: post #23

Thanks for sharing your story of strength and perseverance. I’m sure it will bring hope to others who may be in despair. I want to add to this conversation, I found my own personal experience with depression was intertwined with anger and rage. Once I started addressing the anger and rage, my depression was significantly reduced.

I'm curious, how did you address the anger and rage?

The trick for me was learning it's possible to be anger without acting in anger. Works for any emotion really. Basically when I get angry now, I simply say, "hey, I'm angry, and being this way sucks". Then I try to figure out what's making my angry and deal with it.

Re: Thank you HN

#52

Post by anotherevan » Mon, Aug 13, 2018, 1:07 AM UTC

“When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people.”

— Abraham Joshua Heschel

Words I am always reminded of whenever I try to be too clever on the internet.

Glad you're doing better.

Re: Thank you HN

#53

Post by poppypetalmask » Mon, Aug 13, 2018, 1:11 AM UTC

dgudkov wrote: post #44

>...and started working out I can't emphasize enough how much this helps. If anyone is suffering from depressions, anxiety and overthinking -- consider starting working out. It will make wonders to your mood. I'm not saying that it will fix your suffering entirely, because it typically requires a mental effort as well. But it will make your life noticeably more enjoyable.

I agree. Mild depression for most of my life and running has been the biggest help in regulating my mood. Not only that running makes me feel better but the fact that 'I' can make myself feel better by going for a run is meaningful to me.

Re: Thank you HN

#54

Post by sequoia » Mon, Aug 13, 2018, 1:11 AM UTC

CodeWriter23 wrote: post #43

throwaway874 wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm curious, how did you address the anger and rage?

Someone suggested to me that my anger was inwardly focused and that had a direct causative effect on my depression. That rang true for me. So my first work on that was to get my anger directed in an outward fashion. At first, that entailed literally breaking stuff, chopping wood, climbing steep hills on my bike until it hurt, just get that energy going in the right direction. Get it out in the moment instead of bottl…

Thank you for taking the time to share all this.

Re: Thank you HN

#55

Post by snarfy » Mon, Aug 13, 2018, 1:12 AM UTC

dgudkov wrote: post #44

>...and started working out I can't emphasize enough how much this helps. If anyone is suffering from depressions, anxiety and overthinking -- consider starting working out. It will make wonders to your mood. I'm not saying that it will fix your suffering entirely, because it typically requires a mental effort as well. But it will make your life noticeably more enjoyable.

Another benefit is personal improvement. We spend a good portion of our lives preparing for life. Once your career starts where do you improve from there? Exercise gives you something for personal improvement that is outside of your regular path. It gets you away from the computer.

Re: Thank you HN

#56

Post by irregular-john » Mon, Aug 13, 2018, 1:30 AM UTC

> I'm going to run a marathon in 3 months

That's not really a time to brag about, my friend. Most people finish in about four hours.

Re: Thank you HN

#57

Post by salmo » Mon, Aug 13, 2018, 2:05 AM UTC

austinjp wrote: post #34

CodeWriter23 wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Showing up and being present is about 80% of the battle of being a great dad. You can hack the other 30%. At least that was my experience. Smell that baby’s hair when (s)he is new. The pheromones will bond you and engage you in being an awesome dad. You might also want to come up with a womb song and sing it regularly. I chose “You are my sunshine”. It still calms my DD at 9 years old.

110%? I hope so :)

If you wanna be a good dad you have to give 100%!

Actually I think the 110% is apropos because, especially early on, you find out you can do so much more than you think is possible.

Re: Thank you HN

#58

Post by acjohnson55 » Mon, Aug 13, 2018, 2:06 AM UTC

mratzloff wrote: post #41

Good to hear. Keep in mind, this part is true for literally everyone: > Overall, I'm not exactly where I want to be

Respectfully, I suggest avoiding saying this kind of thing to someone who may still be recovering from depression. There's a tendency to want to make what they are going through relatable, but that risks minimizing the severity of what they may be dealing with.

Imagine having lost a family member and hearing from someone, "well, everyone loses things". There's orders of magnitude difference.

I just know from experience that when I've been depressed, the level of futility I have felt about any dissatisfaction in my life was so much worse than when I've been mentally healthy. I'm really thankful for more than a decade free of that level depression.

As an alternative, I suggest simply sticking to statements that are affirming of how they have described themselves feeling.

Re: Thank you HN

#59

Post by Stratoscope » Mon, Aug 13, 2018, 2:10 AM UTC

dgudkov wrote: post #44

>...and started working out I can't emphasize enough how much this helps. If anyone is suffering from depressions, anxiety and overthinking -- consider starting working out. It will make wonders to your mood. I'm not saying that it will fix your suffering entirely, because it typically requires a mental effort as well. But it will make your life noticeably more enjoyable.

And working out can take many forms. For me it often involves practicing harmonica. It's great aerobic exercise, and I'm learning how to get better at something I enjoy and hopefully other people may enjoy too.

If I find some time in a day to practice, it changes my mood a lot!

Re: Thank you HN

#60

Post by hluska » Mon, Aug 13, 2018, 2:15 AM UTC

durbatuluk wrote: post #16

Congrats, I'm your old one at the moment. I'm a bit more desperate because my wife is pregnant. Happy father's day to me I guess

When I found out my girlfriend was pregnant, I had just lost my shirt on a startup. I couldn't find a job and often had to resort to the absolute cesspool of the consulting world, just to keep a roof over my head.

I likely understand exactly how you feel. If it's anything like how I felt, I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I'm really sorry. Just putting myself in your shoes gave me a pit in my stomach - the same pit I walked around with for months. My email is in my profile. Feel free to reach out...

I wish I had something amazing to say that would just turn things around. The best pragmatic advice I have is that newborns are really cheap, and you're pretty lucky to have the opportunity to be with your wife throughout the pregnancy.

And finally, for the love of all that is holy, enjoy sleep while you can get it. Having a baby is kind of like being hungover for a whole year...

Be safe, best of luck and seriously bud, Happy Father's Day!!

If money is way too tight, reach out. I'd kiss you on the lips if you'd take all my baby stuff. :)