461–464 of 464 posts
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Opinions about the definitions of words can be wrong.
And a sentence with ", no?" is still an assertion that you think it's right. Not rising to this bait.
That's the only way I've heard such things used. A claim, but checking that everyone is on the same page.
Maybe it's regional?
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Do you always feel a need to apologize when indulging in something that makes you feel better? Why is it that you feel you're not entitled to do something selfish that makes you feel better and doesn't hurt anyone else?
> doesn't hurt anyone else If this is actually true then clearly there's no need to apologize. However if I've selfishly imposed a one-sided conversation on someone else in order to soothe myself, of course it's correct to apologize. Who enjoys participating in a one-sided conversation? Most people tolerate them out of sheer politeness. The whole idea of good manners is to avoid imposing on other people , be that phy…
You are projecting. Some people are flattered to be a trusted confidante or emotional support, and glad to be able to help someone they care about. This is situational and dependent on factors (if someone's emotionally leaning on me every second of every day, it's going to get tiring pretty quickly), but even if the experience of the conversation _itself_ isn't exactly pleasant it might still be considered a worthwhile discomfort to go through for the emotional closeness generated (as a parallel - physically exercising isn't (often) pleasant, but the sensation afterwards and the physical well-being generated are considered worthwhile, so the activity is net-desirable even if it's unpleasant in-the-moment). In fact, apologizing for the act might insult the listener, implying that your relationship isn't strong enough to warrant such sharing. Further, the listener might care about the speaker's mood and state of mind so much that, even if the experience is net-negative _for them_, they're still glad to be able to provide that support to someone they love.
This is all subjective - you and your partner might so dislike being vented to, or feel such negligible positive effects from it, that the calculus ends up negative and an apology _is_ genuinely warranted. But it's not necessarily true for all (or even, I'd guess, most) people. You're right that avoiding imposition is good manners, but it is not necessarily the case that sharing feelings with someone is an imposition on them.
In many situations, I feel that "Why don't we just" is the natural choice of words. So if you don't say that, I assume that you are making a conscious effort do say something that isn't what you actually want to express.
It feels like you are tiptoing around me because you thought I couldn't handle how normal people talk.
That reminds me of saying things like "It's not you, it's me" in a breakup. We all know it's bullshit. Stop trying to protect my feelings and tell me what you actually want to say!
All of that is subjective of course.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> doesn't hurt anyone else If this is actually true then clearly there's no need to apologize. However if I've selfishly imposed a one-sided conversation on someone else in order to soothe myself, of course it's correct to apologize. Who enjoys participating in a one-sided conversation? Most people tolerate them out of sheer politeness. The whole idea of good manners is to avoid imposing on other people , be that phy…
> Most people tolerate them out of sheer politeness You are projecting. Some people are flattered to be a trusted confidante or emotional support, and glad to be able to help someone they care about. This is situational and dependent on factors (if someone's emotionally leaning on me every second of every day, it's going to get tiring pretty quickly), but even if the experience of the conversation _itself_ isn't exac…
You'd surely apologize when asking even the closest friend for financial support, why not when asking (or worse, demanding) emotional support?