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Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

improveyoursocialskills.com

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Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#431

Post by [deleted] »

arthurmerlin wrote: post #171
onlyrealcuzzo wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've learned that people hardly ever want advice. Mostly, they want you to tell them that everything is okay. The hard thing to square is, if you really care about someone, and you really think you have some input that could help them, you need to figure out how to communicate that without annoying them / hurting their feelings. It's also important not to have an ego when giving advice / input. It's likely that you'r…

At least for me, I would love advice that perfectly solves all my problems. But probably this advice doesn't exist, because if it did, I would have figured it out already. I often have conversations that go like this - Me: I have this problem that sucks. Other person: Have you tried A? Me: No, I thought about that already. A isn't a good idea because of B. Other person: Well, what about C? Me: No, I thought about tha…

[deleted]

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#432

Post by [deleted] »

arthurmerlin wrote: post #171
onlyrealcuzzo wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've learned that people hardly ever want advice. Mostly, they want you to tell them that everything is okay. The hard thing to square is, if you really care about someone, and you really think you have some input that could help them, you need to figure out how to communicate that without annoying them / hurting their feelings. It's also important not to have an ego when giving advice / input. It's likely that you'r…

At least for me, I would love advice that perfectly solves all my problems. But probably this advice doesn't exist, because if it did, I would have figured it out already. I often have conversations that go like this - Me: I have this problem that sucks. Other person: Have you tried A? Me: No, I thought about that already. A isn't a good idea because of B. Other person: Well, what about C? Me: No, I thought about tha…

[deleted]

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#433

Post by [deleted] »

wallflower wrote: post #53

While some of you may make light of the fact that I am giving you advice, my single most important piece of advice to people who are highly analytical and/or always solving problems is to not give unsolicited advice to friends, family, acquaintances, or even strangers. People will ask for advice if they really want it. People are not “broken pieces of code” begging to be fixed. I’ve lost friends over this, until one…

[deleted]

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#434

Post by snikeris »

leggomylibro wrote: post #232
JimboOmega wrote: post #200

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's important that this applies to virtually any endeavor, from coding to being social or dating. You are going to be dumb, lame, awkward, etc at pretty much anything you haven't done before; the only path to not being that way is to just tough it through that awkward phase.

One problem is that you aren't allowed to make mistakes in social situations anymore without facing extreme consequences, and you're right that it isn't the sort of thing you can learn by reading about it. There's really no chance for young'uns to learn in this day and age. It's tough, and the worst part is that there's no way out or hope for things to improve. And you can't complain or seek help, or you get treated…

> One problem is that you aren't allowed to make mistakes in social situations anymore without facing extreme consequences

Wasn't this more the case for our ancestors? You make a mistake, and you're banished from the tribe or you don't reproduce. In modern times, the stakes aren't as high, but our emotions haven't yet recalibrated.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#435

Post by bort-simpson »

Swizec wrote: post #254
bort-simpson wrote: post #238

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What I struggle with after #3 is when I get the response "I don't know". At that point I really don't know what the next steps are beside trying to come up with solutions (and that doesn't work out too well sometimes).

That’s when you share this story from amanda palmer https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/6679223-a-farmer-is-sitting... A farmer is sitting on his porch in a chair, hanging out. A friend walks up to the porch to say hello, and hears an awful yelping, squealing sound coming from inside the house. "What's that terrifyin' sound?" asks the friend. "It's my dog," said the farmer. "He's sittin' on a nail." "Why doesn't he just…

I love this quote. Thanks for sharing.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#437

Post by d0mine »

wallflower wrote: post #53

While some of you may make light of the fact that I am giving you advice, my single most important piece of advice to people who are highly analytical and/or always solving problems is to not give unsolicited advice to friends, family, acquaintances, or even strangers. People will ask for advice if they really want it. People are not “broken pieces of code” begging to be fixed. I’ve lost friends over this, until one…

Your advice is to avoid giving advice. Isn't it self-contradictory?

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#438

Post by BoiledCabbage »

magashna wrote: post #388
StuffedParrot wrote: post #342

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is ridiculous. R Kelly performed for years as a known pedophile with an adoring fan base. Cancel culture is mostly a myth. You’d have to do something pretty damn bad, way worse than “slighting”, for your behavior to go viral enough you’re “harassed day and night”. Social rejection is how you learn to be social, and it ain’t gonna ruin your life. It’s just painful.

Remember the NASA scientist who got so much shit for wearing a shirt?

Do you know how many people wear stupid shirts every day? Probably millions. You're talking about a story that's literally 1 in a million that happened what months ago? A year ago?

I believe you're overblowing the frequency of this happening.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#439

Post by deanCommie »

dspillett wrote: post #410
retrac wrote: post #403

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> An actual quote, yelled before storming off: "oh, that is just like you, trying to solve everything". Maybe they wanted comfort, and not a solution?

If so, maybe that was clear and I missed it. Or maybe it very much wasn't, and they should know me better than to expect different behaviour in that case.

It seems that you have fallen for Geek Social Fallacy #2: http://www.plausiblydeniable.com/opinion/gsf.html

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#440

Post by 2OEH8eoCRo0 »

wallflower wrote: post #53

While some of you may make light of the fact that I am giving you advice, my single most important piece of advice to people who are highly analytical and/or always solving problems is to not give unsolicited advice to friends, family, acquaintances, or even strangers. People will ask for advice if they really want it. People are not “broken pieces of code” begging to be fixed. I’ve lost friends over this, until one…

I lost a friend by giving unsolicited advice. They complained to me about being tired/feeling unwell for the umpteenth time and I suggested they take better care of themselves. I was lambasted for giving, "unsolicited advice."
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