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Never waste a midlife crisis

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Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#421

Post by weregiraffe »

ctrlp wrote: post #415
zo1 wrote: post #275

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It isn't bad if you are in an objectively bad marriage ofc. But if you're in a marriage that "can be worked out" then yeah it's a bad thing, for the kids especially. There is definitely something to be said about making things work because there is no easy "out" called divorce.

In a healthy society, divorce should be difficult, expensive, and rare. Social incentives should be structured to make it less appealing than working on the marriage. Conversely, marriage and children within marriage should be incentivized by law and social programs. It may such policies are unworkable in our present configuration.

In a healthy society there should be no institute of marriage at all.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#422

Post by lamp_book »

ddq wrote: post #151
000ooo000 wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is similar to my experience (mid 30s now). I remember sitting at my desk at work, staring out of the window, thinking "wow..so this is it". Would've been about 28-29. I think a combination of things got me to that headspace: end of the education-career pipeline, having bought and settled into a house, and having no kids. I reached a point where I was no longer occupied with achieving "my" goals, and I was left t…

Roger Waters of Pink Floyd was 28-29 when “he realised he was no longer preparing for anything in life, but was right in the middle of it” and was inspired to write the song Time for Dark Side of the Moon (the reader is encouraged to listen to it now). Each individual responds to this realization in their own way.

"No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun."

Tame Impala's Currents is an album written around the same age with a similar theme in mind, and fittingly part of the new guard of psych rock/psychedelia.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#423

Post by ChildOfChaos »

This is an interesting read, because I turned 40 this year and I have been struggling, I didn't expect to feel this way, but I also never really understand or registered the magnitude of turning 40 was, I never really processed that I had somehow grown old and I was still just drifting through life, living like I was 20.

What is the process for not wasting such Crisis though? I feel part of the reason why I am in this position in the first place, is I never am able to make sense of any of such times, I just struggle through it and eventually it goes away a little bit. Every time I try to figure anything out, I get stuck in overthinking and I don't really know what options are available to me anyway.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#424

Post by ctrlp »

weregiraffe wrote: post #421
ctrlp wrote: post #415

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In a healthy society, divorce should be difficult, expensive, and rare. Social incentives should be structured to make it less appealing than working on the marriage. Conversely, marriage and children within marriage should be incentivized by law and social programs. It may such policies are unworkable in our present configuration.

In a healthy society there should be no institute of marriage at all.

Depends on what your definition of "health" is.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#425

Post by throwaway99923 »

sircastor wrote: post #50
turnsout wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I struggle with this—if you have kids, sometimes staying the course feels like the "responsible" thing to do. But plenty of people get laid off out of the blue, and plenty of people pursue their dream and have a thriving second career. There is probably no right answer, but I guess the question is: "what decision can you live with?"

That’s tricky though, because the decision you can live with becomes the decision your partner and children also have to live with - and they get much less choice in the matter.

Yes, happened to me. My ex had a mid life crisis and decided she didn't want to be a mother or wife anymore. She wanted to enjoy life and be free.

Great for her, terrible for everyone else in the family. After that experience, I take these kind of articles with a heavy dose of salt.

They translate loosely into "Be selfish, think only about yourself, live your own life" no matter the consequences.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#426

Post by p1esk »

scarface_74 wrote: post #236
p1esk wrote: post #157

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you still need to work?

Yep. I work remotely in the cloud consulting department at $BigTech as of mid 2020

Do you have any long term plans? Or do you just want to try it out for a couple of years but eventually get back to a (more) traditional lifestyle? It's fairly common for people to spend winters in Florida and summers in NY or some other place north. What do you think about that?

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#427

Post by taneq »

grecy wrote: post #399
taneq wrote: post #321

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sure is pretty unfulfilling to be not independently wealthy

There are many other ways to go about it, wealth is not needed to live a fulfilling life. I have found it extremely fulfilling to work for my own needs - building houses, hunting my own food, growing my own vegetables. Doing so takes 20-30 hours per week, and the rest of the time I get to spend with my friends and family. Obviously it's not for everyone, but I'm saying that people get into a mid life "crisis" because…

Sounds like a nice balance! You might not be rich (or you might be, I don't know) but you're wealthier than most, in the sense of financial independence.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#428

Post by scarface_74 »

p1esk wrote: post #426
scarface_74 wrote: post #236

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yep. I work remotely in the cloud consulting department at $BigTech as of mid 2020

Do you have any long term plans? Or do you just want to try it out for a couple of years but eventually get back to a (more) traditional lifestyle? It's fairly common for people to spend winters in Florida and summers in NY or some other place north. What do you think about that?

Current projections is that we should be able to pay off our condo in Florida by the end of 2026. That means it will actually be bringing in income instead of just being cash flow neutral when we aren’t there and we don’t have to be there during the low season - October - early March and May.

Then we can buy a “permanent” home somewhere else. We still haven’t decided where that is. As we travel more we will know. Heck, we might not even retire in the US and keep our place in Orlando.

But since we can keep our living expenses basically level whether we are at home or traveling, there is really no rush.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#429

Post by Schnitz »

anthonygd wrote: post #100
ryandrake wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nearing-50, non-religious person checking in here: I don't think it has much to do with religion or non-religion. I must be really lucky or really privileged because I haven't had even a hint of "crisis" that I can remember. Knock on wood that I don't catch it somewhere. Isn't the common denominator of a midlife crisis a yearning for the past? Overwhelming nostalgia? Dad buying a sports car so he can pretend to be 20…

> Isn't the common denominator of a midlife crisis a yearning for the past? Overwhelming nostalgia? I don't think so. I'd describe a midlife crisis as more of a fear you don't have enough time to do what's next. I've always wanted a Ferrari; if I don't get it now, when will I? I discovered bouldering in my 40's and hate the fact that I can never be competitive; if only I had started 20 years earlier... at this point,…

Exactly this. You realize that your choices actually matter in the big picture. You have only so many years to work with, it becomes clear that some of the things in the “later” bucket will have to move to the “never” bucket. That makes you question things much more. Should I really go to the pub for the umpteenth time with my mates and lose my Sunday to a hangover? Oh I’d rather do something else and get a full Sunday! That’s only one example, but it is also a good one. You can try to make the most of your loss of invincibility and infinity and utilize that feeling to make better choices than in the past. No point dwelling on if those 10000 hours playing video games were well spent.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#430

Post by p1esk »

scarface_74 wrote: post #428
p1esk wrote: post #426

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you have any long term plans? Or do you just want to try it out for a couple of years but eventually get back to a (more) traditional lifestyle? It's fairly common for people to spend winters in Florida and summers in NY or some other place north. What do you think about that?

Current projections is that we should be able to pay off our condo in Florida by the end of 2026. That means it will actually be bringing in income instead of just being cash flow neutral when we aren’t there and we don’t have to be there during the low season - October - early March and May. Then we can buy a “permanent” home somewhere else. We still haven’t decided where that is. As we travel more we will know. Hec…

When you travel and evaluating the area as a potential "permanent" home, what do you pay attention to?

I live in the south, and I sometimes think about eventually buying a property in the north and spending half the time there.

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