I rebooted my social life • Hacker News Board

Re: I rebooted my social life

#381

Post by robomartin » Fri, Jan 02, 2026, 6:17 PM UTC

danfunk wrote: post #295

12 years ago I got divorsed. My wife and I had a company together, and she kept the company. I hadn't spent time with family in years, had few friends outside of work. I did independent contract work out of my house. Deeply isolated times, interspersed with part time custody of my son. I ended up starting a Makerspace , renting a building and setting up a 3d printer. That was all 11 years ago. We now have 6k square f…

That's a really interesting story. Did you really start it with just a single 3D printer? I thought about doing this a few times.

I don't necessarily need it for the social aspect (although I love meeting people), my work has me engaging with people all the time and travelling nationally and internationally 6+ times per year.

In my case, if I had to identify motivation, I would say that I have an interest in attempting to recreate the experience I had for many years as a mentor for our local FRC (high school robotics competition) at an adult level. The other motivation is this idea I have that retirement should not be a passive experience where you go from having a mission and work every day to watching TV and fishing with no purpose in life. I have seen how the latter degrades people and I have zero interest in being a part of that club. I can see a maker space potentially being a way to continue to socialize at some level (even if most of it is somewhat transactional and superficial) and keep busy physically and intellectually.

I own a lot of interesting manufacturing equipment, from multiple 3D printers all the way up to a full Haas industrial CNC vertical machining center, welding, manual machining, etc. In other words, if I contribute all of this hardware, I could start a pretty nice maker space with almost zero investment in tools.

Curious about your experience and, in particular, if there are any negative aspects that you might want to warn against.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#382

Post by legerdemain » Fri, Jan 02, 2026, 6:17 PM UTC

yesfitz wrote: post #377

legerdemain wrote: post #279

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This has absolutely never worked for me in cafes, not in decades of trying across multiple states. Cafe regulars either bring their own company or "laptops open, headphones on, heads down." Amusingly, the rec league pinball people are absolutely ferocious about promotion. Pretty much every thread in r/bayarea about looking for friends gets a pitch from a pinball person.

Coffee shops are definitely tougher than bars. I've made friends with baristas in one of three ways: The shop wasn't busy and they had time to chat (these shops don't usually last long), I recognize them outside of the coffee shop and get to say hello, or I worked at the coffee shop with them. I wonder if Yemeni cafes would be a bit more bar-like in terms of socializing. They're usually open until midnight or later,…

I'm surprised Yemeni cafes have already built a reputation. We have several in the area, and they are indeed open very late, although they attract a customer base that seems less open to interacting with strangers.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#383

Post by slumberlust » Fri, Jan 02, 2026, 6:19 PM UTC

nunez wrote: post #173

maplant wrote: post #133

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Socializing is not a "dull chore" it is a essential component of healthy living[1] By not socializing, you are avoiding (to quote the linked article) a "fundamental human need." This is not something you can simply live without, just like you cannot live a good live without exercise. The view you are espousing is fundamentally unhealthy. [1] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11403199/

It definitely can be a chore. I organized a large (600+-person at its peak) Meetup in Park Slope, Brooklyn, NY during Meetup's hayday (2010-ish). Meeting heaps of different people from all walks of life was interesting at first. But like a previous poster stated, connections like these are fleeting and take a lot of work to maintain (especially if you're a man, which I am; see the end of this post for more on that).…

I agree people love to talk about themselves. I disagree about work being the one to go for though. Career is the default conversation; the boring conversation.

I ask 'What keeps you busy?' and if people think of work then that's fine, but for those of us that don't center our lives that way there is an opportunity to discuss something else. Asking what you do for income is a more narrow and closed conversation.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#384

Post by robomartin » Fri, Jan 02, 2026, 6:34 PM UTC

legerdemain wrote: post #321

Animats wrote: post #313

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maker spaces declined over time. When I first started going to TechShop, it was people making nozzles for X-Prize rockets, Stanford grad students who needed better machine tools, Burning Man people making props, steampunks making props, and very serious model railroaders making model locomotives. Four milling machines in use all the time, CNC mills, plasma cutters, water jet cutters - heavy equipment. All the usual w…

Yup, your second paragraph describes the place I'm talking about pretty accurately. Nothing wrong with Etsy trinkets in isolation, but not if that's the limit of what the tools are used for.

Interesting.

I've had the urge/idea to start a maker space in the Los Angeles area on and off for years. My motivation isn't as much as a source for social engagement as much as starting to lay out a path to retirement that will have me busy at a lower level of intensity. My work does have me engaging with thousands of people every year through trade shows and sometimes a dozen trips every year both nationally and internationally.

I own enough equipment to start a very nice maker space with nearly zero cost to outfit the place. What you and the other poster have said is, however, of concern. Have generalized maker spaces died off or turned into something unappealing?

I've had varying ideas about this over the years. I was a mentor for our local FRC (high school robotics) team for about five years. I enjoyed that very much. Yes, my kids were involved. I tried to re-enter that world and was faced with, well, stupid obstacles that very much telegraphed that, at least here, these teams have turned into unappealing political/ideological nightmares --rather than the "let's build cool robots!" feeling from the pre-pandemic era.

One thought was to create a maker space with specific focal activities. Three that come to mind are robotics, auto racing and RC flight. I wonder if that type of focus might mitigate the Etsy crowd effect you mentioned. I have nearly zero interest in having a bunch of people use my Haas CNC machines to mass produce crap for Etsy. One way to mitigate this might be to attach a cost to using the equipment for making anything to sell anywhere. For example, using a Haas VF-2 might cost $200 per hour plus consumables, etc. Not sure if that would work. You could also limit this sort of production-level work to a certain schedule and, maybe, it can only be done by or with staff. Not sure.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#385

Post by treis » Fri, Jan 02, 2026, 6:40 PM UTC

seb1204 wrote: post #266

treis wrote: post #201

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Everyone ALSO loves talking about themselves I see this a lot and it's interesting because I don't like to talk about myself much. Doubly so about work. I wonder how many of us there are.

What do you like to talk about? I'm passionate about my work and happy to discuss topics but not too keen to explain it to someone who has nill knowledge of the subject or industry.

Honestly I don't talk much. But generally things related to whatever we're doing, entertainment (books, movies, sports, and so on), my kid when I had him, and now that I am getting older a bit more philosophical meaning of life type stuff.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#386

Post by steve_adams_86 » Fri, Jan 02, 2026, 6:41 PM UTC

gcanyon wrote: post #359

steve_adams_86 wrote: post #316

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I used to do long distance cycling with a few friends. We have a ridiculously tight bond around that suffering. So many hours asking each other what the hell we were thinking, and so many hours planning the next trips. We'd do 300, 400, 600km in a go. I miss it, and I miss them.

600km?! at what pace? I've ridden 190km a couple times, but that was a. a long time ago b. took all day. In my defense, it was on a fully-loaded touring bike, but even on a high-spec racing bike I can't imagine cranking (heh) out more than maybe 300km in one go.

For those really long guys we'd manage just 18kph or so. On shorter ones like 200km, we'd average more like mid 20s. I think beyond 300km is where the big shift happened and our average dropped a ton. Though we rode with some guys who had averages in the high 20s, even on 600s or further.

We initially wanted to do a ride in France called Paris-Brest-Paris, but never got good enough. That's a 1200km ride. Then kids happened, careers, etc. I'm too bad at time management for that kind of riding, haha.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#387

Post by morganf » Fri, Jan 02, 2026, 6:43 PM UTC

morganf wrote: post #232

andrewl wrote: post #141

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The WNIP.org (Wednesday Night Interesting People) home page says: Invitees: Interesting Guys, Hot Girls. Exceptions Tolerated: Hot Guys, Interesting Girls. The organizer sounds like an unpleasant person.

Hi andrewl, Yeah, I wrote that 20 years ago, and I tried to be funny and more offensive than. I'm sorry, I was young and more uncouth; today I'd never even consider thinking-or-talking like that. That line was meant as a joke. Some of the most frequent, prominent attendees were actually among the top female intellectuals in our city. In that sense, the joke cut both ways: the guys were mostly nerdy software developer…

(PS: Because I'm a perfectionist, typo fixes that change the meaning; corrected typos: "This thread is about making new friends, after all, and it would be an honor to meet you, I know your username from your many great comments on HN!". Specifically: "threat" -> "thread" and "meet me" -> "meet you".)

Re: I rebooted my social life

#388

Post by mrwrong » Fri, Jan 02, 2026, 6:51 PM UTC

calf wrote: post #273

Kiro wrote: post #252

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I used to be like you, living my life based on external beliefs of what I "should" do. Once I realized that I didn't have to all my stress disappeared and I've never been happier.

There is a deep irony in an argument that pushes a pro-socializing view in a black-and-white, authoritarian way, "shoulding" statements, shaming tactics. It's actually anti-social, and the authors of the cited paper probably would not agree.

nobody's trying to force you to socialize, it's just advice. take it or leave it

Re: I rebooted my social life

#389

Post by gcanyon » Fri, Jan 02, 2026, 7:25 PM UTC

steve_adams_86 wrote: post #386

gcanyon wrote: post #359

Earlier quoted context omitted.

600km?! at what pace? I've ridden 190km a couple times, but that was a. a long time ago b. took all day. In my defense, it was on a fully-loaded touring bike, but even on a high-spec racing bike I can't imagine cranking (heh) out more than maybe 300km in one go.

For those really long guys we'd manage just 18kph or so. On shorter ones like 200km, we'd average more like mid 20s. I think beyond 300km is where the big shift happened and our average dropped a ton. Though we rode with some guys who had averages in the high 20s, even on 600s or further. We initially wanted to do a ride in France called Paris-Brest-Paris, but never got good enough. That's a 1200km ride. Then kids ha…

600/18 = 33+ hours(!!!)

Hats off to you!

I’ve done some long rides to be sure, but the longest I’ve ever ridden non-stop-ish is probably about 14 hours. I think riding through the night is a deal-breaker for me. I’ve never been on the road earlier than 6am, or later than 10pm.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#390

Post by jstgunderscore » Fri, Jan 02, 2026, 8:35 PM UTC

gcanyon wrote: post #360

galaxyLogic wrote: post #249

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The way Finns do it they take a hot Sauna in the winter and when they get out of the hot-room they go lay naked in the snow. Or plunge into the frozen lake through a sawed-out hole. Then they go back to the sauna again to feel the warmth again. It does feel great and stops you from dwelling in miserable thoughts. That may be part of the reason why Finns are ranked happiest people for multiple years.

I have to mention the 300 club at Amundsen-Scott station. When the temp outside hits -100 (F) they crank up their sauna to 200, then run from the sauna to outside in their underwear.

As part of the 300 club, I have to say that there was no underwear involved in my cohort, just shoes (a requirement).