Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

I rebooted my social life

takes.jamesomalley.co.uk

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

321–330 of 433 posts

Re: I rebooted my social life

#321

Post by legerdemain »

Animats wrote: post #313
legerdemain wrote: post #281

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A different take: joining one of these spaces (in the bay area) has exposed me to a weird and unpleasant underbelly of society that I barely knew existed. It's like the worst of Reddit, but in real life. People who want you to work on their projects "for the exposure," crypto scammers and people who are very naive and enthusiastic about crypto, depressed unemployable people, people who secretly live on the lobby couc…

Maker spaces declined over time. When I first started going to TechShop, it was people making nozzles for X-Prize rockets, Stanford grad students who needed better machine tools, Burning Man people making props, steampunks making props, and very serious model railroaders making model locomotives. Four milling machines in use all the time, CNC mills, plasma cutters, water jet cutters - heavy equipment. All the usual w…

Yup, your second paragraph describes the place I'm talking about pretty accurately. Nothing wrong with Etsy trinkets in isolation, but not if that's the limit of what the tools are used for.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#322

Post by nirui »

fleeting900 wrote: post #230

> a significant proportion of the people you used to hang out with have kids and disappear off the face of the Earth for two decades. I’ve been on both sides of this, so I’m going to put this out into the universe: Your friends with kids still want to see you. They have a lot to deal with suddenly. They’re exhausted. But they miss hanging out with you, and will leap at the opportunity to hang out if you take the init…

> Your friends with kids still want to see you.

If you both have kids, then the kids may also want a chance to socialize. Meeting new people with their parent is a great opportunity to expand their social network and learn how they should act in front of friendly people.

Of course, the parent needs to be smart about it to avoid or correctly correct the negative sides, but assuming you're a good parent, a well-socialized kids will grow up differently in many better ways than a completely home-breed one.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#323

Post by laurencerowe »

bitexploder wrote: post #200
heresie-dabord wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Basically the whole point of the Freemasonry fraternity as well. Male only. It is dressed up with some altruistic goals and rituals Freemasonry began as a workers' guild, but the accreted "goals and rituals" take a group far beyond the simplicity of a men's shed. The simplicity of any club rapidly becomes complex when monotheism or henotheism (any theism) is injected: From Wikipedia: * Anglo-American style Freemaso…

I don't think it is complex. The theme of a social group is just there as a filter. If you like rock climbing and meet someone at a rock climbing gym that person is far more likely to be interested in things you are interested in: physical fitness, the particular mental challenges of rock climbing, etc. It was just an example. I won't analyze the sexism or male only nature of the fraternity, but I think Freemasonry a…

> but I think Freemasonry anecdotally reinforces the idea that men want/need/form these kind of clubs more than women on average.

There seem to be as many Women’s Institute members in England as there are Freemasons.

And that is before you consider more ad hoc organisations like book clubs that are definitely more female dominated (though sports clubs perhaps the opposite?)

Re: I rebooted my social life

#324

Post by dukeyukey »

Kiro wrote: post #252
maplant wrote: post #133

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Socializing is not a "dull chore" it is a essential component of healthy living[1] By not socializing, you are avoiding (to quote the linked article) a "fundamental human need." This is not something you can simply live without, just like you cannot live a good live without exercise. The view you are espousing is fundamentally unhealthy. [1] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11403199/

I used to be like you, living my life based on external beliefs of what I "should" do. Once I realized that I didn't have to all my stress disappeared and I've never been happier.

You won't be happier if you don't eat healthy, stay indoors al day, avoid talking to anyone, never exercise, never clean up, because those things are considered a chore. There are things people avoid doing that are still needed to be healthy!

Re: I rebooted my social life

#325

Post by suslik »

throw4847285 wrote: post #107
ZpJuUuNaQ5 wrote: post #62

Posts like these make me question whether I even exist, or at the very least, doubt my humanity.

Sweeping self-loathing statements like that are actually a defense mechanism. Fear of rejection is so great that one would rather believe that one is worthless than have another person think one is slightly annoying. Better to self-sooth with self-abnegation than face the uncertainty of other's judgment.

For some of us, there’s no uncertainty about other’s judgement - it’s just the op experience all the way down.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#326

Post by RamblingCTO »

lazide wrote: post #104
RamblingCTO wrote: post #100

It's scary that community is a goal to attain here, it seems. Having everything optimized, what kind of life is that? Surely not one that's worth living. What would you say in 20 years about a life without connection, spontaneity, beauty, experience and all? Or where all of those points are checkboxes to be checked? I actually see a bunch of reasons for avoiding community like "they are all leftist and I can't say th…

Huh? What does what you are saying and community have to do with each other? You know you can do both right?

Did you read the article?

Re: I rebooted my social life

#329

Post by leoedin »

levocardia wrote: post #292
fleeting900 wrote: post #230

> a significant proportion of the people you used to hang out with have kids and disappear off the face of the Earth for two decades. I’ve been on both sides of this, so I’m going to put this out into the universe: Your friends with kids still want to see you. They have a lot to deal with suddenly. They’re exhausted. But they miss hanging out with you, and will leap at the opportunity to hang out if you take the init…

Part of it is the uncomfortable fact that it is not very much fun to spend time with people who have small children -- it's hard to have a real conversation for more than a few minutes, and if you yourself don't have kids, what their life revolves around right now (daycare, finding a kindergarten, etc) is just not going to be very interesting.

Imagine being in that "not very fun" zone continuously, day and night, for decades.

That's kind of what having kids is like. I love my kids and have great times with them, but there's also a lot of routine, endless cleaning and boredom.

People with kids probably wish they could have longer conversations. They'd happily talk about things other than kids. Sometimes that's possible - but it's very hard to predict when it will happen.

It's something I've observed since having kids - quite a lot of people I have adult relationships with simply have no interest in being near them. As a result, I just don't talk to them at all any more. It's a shame, but there's not really much I can do about it.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#330

Post by RamblingCTO »

lazide wrote: post #328
RamblingCTO wrote: post #326

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Did you read the article?

Do you know the rules of this site?

Are you trying to say that you read my comment as snarky? That's not on me.

If you read the article the connection must be clear imho.

Post reply on HN