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Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

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Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#331

Post by nonima »

fleddr wrote: post #164

Not being lonely used to be automatic as society forced you to interact and meet with lots of people just to function. Religion might force you to church where you meet most of the community regularly. It goes far beyond just the purpose of religion. You'll know about every life event of every member, learn about businesses in the community, might meet new friends or even a spouse. The only social institute that come…

Disagree. I was absolutely miserable when I was forced to meet with people in real life, although I enjoyed some interactions, deep down I never liked hanging out with them. Unless you are very lucky and born in a location where you can easily find like-minded people or if your personality is suited for meeting random people and not having any preferences in friends (kind of people who can be friends with anyone they meet), then being forced to meet people is hell. I'd rather have online friends that have similar interests/sense of humor etc... Than have forced and shallow "real" relationships where I have to change who I am in order to fit in.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#332

Post by mmkos »

anonreeeeplor wrote: post #255

I need to answer this because I solved this problem as a super introvert. This reply will get buried. Quite honestly, I realized I was boring and my life was boring. I had a boring job with no travel that didn’t involve meeting anyone interesting. I quit my boring career and deliberately filtered for: - has a technical element but not software development - travel, or interact with a lot of people as a result of the…

I hear you.

I've been having similar thoughts about my software engineering career. A lot of people who are not in the field might think that it's great being able to work from home, having freedom during the day etc.

In my view though, there's a huge cost to having a job like this. Software engineering jobs tend to be quite alienating, boring to the engineer and uninteresting to other people. My partner (who's in a creative industry) would always have something to say after a day at work. Me? It was pretty much always 'well I was programming most of the day, nothing happened really and I hardly even spoke to anyone'.

I think I'm close to the point of saying fuck it. What I do besides work doesn't change the fact that a day job should be about more than this. It's also quite striking to me that you mentioned careers with impact (climate etc.) as I've been thinking about creating a business around those topics. It's either that or maybe change careers entirely, but I'm sure I won't be a software engineer working like this for much longer.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#333

Post by mmkos »

bradlys wrote: post #273
dinosaurdynasty wrote: post #161

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That doesn't seem like it makes it better

It’s definitely grim out there for most young men these days. I’m 32 and make the money those girls are looking for but I can’t get a date to save my life cause I don’t have the looks. (Average in almost all aspects) I’ve made offers to my friends that I’d pay them anywhere from $10k-$1m if they found me someone I ended up marrying. No one has taken it up - they know how bad the dating market is and that there’s zero…

Jesus. Don't you think that you're creating a perverse incentive for your friends to hook you up with just about anybody with no regard for whether they're a good fit/decent human being?

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#334

Post by adwn »

tobyjsullivan wrote: post #199
edmundsauto wrote: post #192

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Every single technological innovation has made it easier for the individual to function better alone. Isn’t it more nuanced? In order for someone to not need a wife for laundry service, we rely on the manufacturer. We rely on electricity. It seems like we become more tightly dependent (single directional graph) on more people in order to feel superficially less intertwined. I think people need other people more tha…

> we rely on the manufacturer. We rely on electricity. We rely on having money. And we rely on a mature economy where someone is willing to solve every problem in exchange for that money. In an individualistic society, each person is expected to earn their own way and then pay to solve every problem they may have. In more community-oriented societies, personal earnings are less important than a strong network of frie…

> We rely on having money. And we rely on a mature economy where someone is willing to solve every problem in exchange for that money. [...] This movement toward individualization correlates very strongly with the capitalism.

Money as a facilitator for the exchange of goods and services long, long, long predates the rise of capitalism.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#335

Post by lotsofpulp »

kodah wrote: post #166
dangus wrote: post #151

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Believe it or not, big cities have pretty good quality of life and people who live there do actually have friends and social lives. I grew up in the suburbs, and I've lived in big cities, urban areas in medium sized cities, and exurbs as well. The cities aren't as different as non-urban people think. But also, they're better in a lot of the ways that most people would expect: more things to do, better food, better sh…

> And, oh yeah, cities are where the jobs are. We can and should change this as much as possible.

Society, and especially the tech business, has been trying. Computers, internet, broadband internet, conference calls, video calls, group video calls.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#336

Post by krapp »

2devnull wrote: post #162

Americans are mean to each other. We didn’t used to be. Various explanations exist. Isolation like many behaviors can be thought of as a defense mechanism, a reaction. Solutions are obvious. What made us different in the past?

>What made us different in the past?

Social conformity enforced through rigid Christian indoctrination, centralized media propaganda and racial segregation. It's easy to be nice to each other when everyone around you looks like you do, thinks like you do and agrees with your politics.

The breakdown of American social cohesion can be traced to at least three related factors - the deconstruction of white supremacy due to the increase in political and cultural power of people outside the white, heteronormative Christian conservative complex, the internet decentralizing mainstream, corporate controlled media as a means of propagandizing and reinforcing the consensus narrative of American exceptionalism, and late capitalism destroying a lot of consumer social interaction like going to the movies, dance halls, etc - because many people no longer have the time or money to engage in physical interaction with other people outside of the workplace, whereas the internet offers forms of interaction that are relatively free.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#337

Post by adwn »

foobarian wrote: post #123
EE84M3i wrote: post #92

I live in a big city, but I'm terribly lonely. - I live alone. - I work hybrid, but when I go into the office, it's more or less empty and I spend all my time on zoom calls. - My family lives far away. - I'm single. Most weeks, my only social interaction is at the local bar, where I'm a regular, or various dates from apps. Excesses of both of these is unhealthy in different ways. I've been pushing myself to go to mee…

As kid I spent time in an old fashioned Russian serf type village, where a bunch of families lived together and worked a bunch of strips of land. It was the best time I ever had. Everyone had a job to do, and they were happy to let you help. The tasks you were given seemed fulfilling and meaningful. Today is horrible. Nobody lives with family or knows neighbors around here. No more church. There are some craft clubs,…

> moving back to the Russian serf village is not the solution, that place is now ruined, young people moved to the city, old people died off or drank themselves to death. One guy hung himself.

Is it possible that you have a distorted perception or memory of life in that village? If it was such a happy place, why did so many young people move away, why did old people drink so much, and why did one person commit suicide?

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#338

Post by lotsofpulp »

doliveira wrote: post #253
trophycase wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How it's expensive, how it will ruin your career, how it will destroy your body, etc. Talk to gen-Z women, many of them are inundated with this kind of thinking.

I mean, it's a wonder women still choose to have children. I see it is a triumph of the human spirit, because through a purely capitalist and individualist lenses having children doesn't make much sense.

Does not make much sense for a woman. Until recently, with the advent of a relatively safe society and without birth control options, they basically had no say in having children.

Now, we get to find out the market price (excluding long term externalities) of birthing a child (and child #2, 3, 4, 5, etc) without the fact of being physically weaker tilting the scales.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#339

Post by [deleted] »

mmkos wrote: post #333
bradlys wrote: post #273

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s definitely grim out there for most young men these days. I’m 32 and make the money those girls are looking for but I can’t get a date to save my life cause I don’t have the looks. (Average in almost all aspects) I’ve made offers to my friends that I’d pay them anywhere from $10k-$1m if they found me someone I ended up marrying. No one has taken it up - they know how bad the dating market is and that there’s zero…

Jesus. Don't you think that you're creating a perverse incentive for your friends to hook you up with just about anybody with no regard for whether they're a good fit/decent human being?

[deleted]

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#340

Post by OJFord »

nradov wrote: post #307
AnthonyMouse wrote: post #275

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Artisanal products are so expensive because we make them so. By default if you buy something in a store, add 5% to the value by improving it and want to sell it on eBay, they'll charge sales tax on the full sale price even though you already paid sales tax on 95% of that. To avoid the double taxation you have to file paperwork, which most people don't know how to do, and pay filing fees, which eat into your already-m…

You don't need to incorporate to sell artisanal products. If you want to register a fictitious name for business purposes then you can do that for free or very cheap in most states.

You probably want limited liability if you're selling edible(/quaffable) goods though. At least in the UK, it seems to be common for markets to require it of stall applicants, along with business insurance in excess of £x (looked into it a while ago on a fanciful whim).
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