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Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

washingtonpost.com

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Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#121

Post by upsidesinclude »

>Spending less time with friends is not a best practice by most standards, and it might contribute to other troubling social trends — isolation, worsening mental health (particularly among adolescents), rising aggressive behavior and violent crime.

In typical, low-effort WP fashion, these are just unsubstantiated claims. Why not take the few minutes to do some actual journalism... ah, because WP.

I'm not sold on the truth of these claims, though I am interested and willing to be influenced as to whether this is something truly concerning. Articles like this do nothing to further convince me.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#122

Post by 71a54xd »

Fortunately as a socially coy software engineer with limited social skills, I've somehow managed to find a partner with similar interests who gets me. However, after dating in New York for a few years, even with more candor my conversion rate to a third date from Hinge was 5%. This is based on around 40 dates in 2021. For some reason, dating is more palatable for skinny weird guys on the east coast?

Women have insane standards these days, for men who make less than $100k or don't already have a very strong social circle the options are dismal. I had women ghost me or leave the table when they realized I didn't work in finance, made less than $400k or wasn't willing to spend $250 on the first date. Fortunately, only in one instance did someone "bring a friend".

I'm almost 30, and to be honest, outside of friends I see every few weeks and my partner most forms of socializing seem incredibly trite and like a waste of time. I also stopped drinking because of my health and it just no longer being appealing. Meetups seem fake, and usually end up being people who pretend to be friends.

After college I joined a really cool small social "club" for young entrepreneurs (unfortunately it's no longer) and it was great. Consistent friends I'd see 3-4 nights a week etc etc. However, once it folded basically nobody stayed in touch - ended up being kind of fake friends :( .

Good luck out there friends :)

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#123

Post by foobarian »

EE84M3i wrote: post #92

I live in a big city, but I'm terribly lonely. - I live alone. - I work hybrid, but when I go into the office, it's more or less empty and I spend all my time on zoom calls. - My family lives far away. - I'm single. Most weeks, my only social interaction is at the local bar, where I'm a regular, or various dates from apps. Excesses of both of these is unhealthy in different ways. I've been pushing myself to go to mee…

As kid I spent time in an old fashioned Russian serf type village, where a bunch of families lived together and worked a bunch of strips of land. It was the best time I ever had. Everyone had a job to do, and they were happy to let you help. The tasks you were given seemed fulfilling and meaningful.

Today is horrible. Nobody lives with family or knows neighbors around here. No more church. There are some craft clubs, but what's the point? Anything you can make pales in comparison to what you can get for a couple of bucks from Amazon. Growing a garden also seems pointless when you see the local grocery store. There are a bunch of hobbies but they also seem pointless when you look at a few Youtube videos and see all the popular channels doing exactly what you would like to but a million times better.

Honestly if I didn't have a kid I'd probably hang up my hat, but I do need to figure out how to make sure the kid doesn't have this experience.

(p.s. moving back to the Russian serf village is not the solution, that place is now ruined, young people moved to the city, old people died off or drank themselves to death. One guy hung himself.)

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#124

Post by seydor »

upsidesinclude wrote: post #121

>Spending less time with friends is not a best practice by most standards , and it might contribute to other troubling social trends — isolation, worsening mental health (particularly among adolescents), rising aggressive behavior and violent crime. In typical, low-effort WP fashion, these are just unsubstantiated claims. Why not take the few minutes to do some actual journalism... ah, because WP. I'm not sold on the…

YEah the whole tone of the article is that there is something wrong with lonely people . That's not really helping them

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#125

Post by UweSchmidt »

The fundamental force behind this is individualism. Every single technological innovation has made it easier for the individual to function better alone. Every societal change has emphasized the individual right over the (real or perceived) benefit of the collective. This trend seems to accelerate and absolutely nothing that is happening in western society even remotely suggests a possible turnaround.

You can take action, like get a new hobby that is just an okay activity but the people are great. Work on becoming a kick-ass friend yourself and cook for people and all that good stuff. But you'll do all that against massive societal forces. A few decades back you'd join one of the few organizations or clubs that happened in your area, and instantly be in a reliable community (if you adapt a little - let's ignore all the downsides for a moment). Friends would hook you up with a partner who's as nerdy as you. When I was young random strangers had regularly great conversations on trains. A city street was a village, you knew everyone.

That is not coming back anytime soon.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#126

Post by seydor »

EE84M3i wrote: post #92

I live in a big city, but I'm terribly lonely. - I live alone. - I work hybrid, but when I go into the office, it's more or less empty and I spend all my time on zoom calls. - My family lives far away. - I'm single. Most weeks, my only social interaction is at the local bar, where I'm a regular, or various dates from apps. Excesses of both of these is unhealthy in different ways. I've been pushing myself to go to mee…

Big city seems to be the key. Loneliness is the default in a modern city, because we can. It used to be that daily needs led to friction that sometimes (if people were social enough) led to interaction (introverts were much less likely to engage so it usually took a lot of friction before interaction becomes possible). Schools (and universities) still provide the largest field for such interaction. Everything else has been largely automated away.

If we accept that this is a problem, then we should think about ways that force people to be near each other again, somewhat artificially. This is different than building a bar or making a meetup and expecting people to come - only the most extrovert want to go there.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#127

Post by FooBarBizBazz »

torstenvl wrote: post #7
Taikonerd wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Could you spell out more what you mean?

Presumably https://www.tesd.net/cms/lib/PA01001259/Centricity/Domain/11...

Bowling Alone was very well received when it came out, but there has been another thread of articles that have been more controversial. I believe a relevant title is:

E Pluribus Unum: Diversity and Community in the Twenty-first Century

The punchline has been that, if you are not careful, increasing diversity can lead to decreased trust in society, and with it, decreased social capital. The idea is that nobody feels really safe (in a social sense), and so you see a pattern of withdrawal.

I think this is a challenge that he wants liberal societies to successfully address. It's a warning when he says it, not a call for homogeneity.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#130

Post by yenwodyah »

unpopularopp wrote: post #45
thefz wrote: post #18

If being alone works for you and it is time you feel you need, do it. There is nothing wrong with being an Introvert.

You are mixing together 3 things which are wildly different - loneliness - solitude - introverts

As is the article, and almost everyone talking about the topic.
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