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I’ve been single all my life

lukasrosenstock.net

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Re: I’ve been single all my life

#311

Post by signaru »

highspeedbus wrote: post #265
kayodelycaon wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So... how does one actually meet women?

Bar, tinder, churches, open festivals, etc. But the most important: Through friends. Trying to make regular friends and expanding your social circle increases the chances of being invited to private gatherings, where you can meet more people and so on.

While I know others for whom church have worked, I often feel that people, especially myself, are not who they really are at church, only showing the good parts of themselves while hiding their unpopular quirks (i.e. the warts and all). This prevents me from being more interested in people I meet at church.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#312

Post by brigandish »

datavirtue wrote: post #286
brigandish wrote: post #168

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Dancing, there are always women learning to dance and they far outnumber the men.

Krav Maga. Constant inflow of women.

Is that so? That's good to hear, learning some self defence is such an important skill. If it ends up in romance too, I reckon that's a double win!

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#313

Post by JCharante »

EVa5I7bHFq9mnYK wrote: post #288
highspeedbus wrote: post #265

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Bar, tinder, churches, open festivals, etc. But the most important: Through friends. Trying to make regular friends and expanding your social circle increases the chances of being invited to private gatherings, where you can meet more people and so on.

No bars unless you like alco addicted girls.

Good for practicing human interactions though

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#314

Post by JCharante »

MuffinFlavored wrote: post #290
aschearer wrote: post #44

First off, bravo for sharing. Much respect. That said, this is borderline navel gazing. Stop thinking about "what it's like to go swimming" and jump in the lake. Yes, you'll get wet, look stupid, and make a mess. There's no way around that. The sooner the better. If you need to reason yourself into the water, I recommend "The Village Effect." Statistically, humans fair better with a rich tapestry of relationships. Ar…

> yes you’ll look stupid i wouldn’t under estimate how crippling of a fear this is. you wouldn’t tell a depressed person “cheer up!”

depression and shyness are not the same, get drunk and go act stupid like everybody else

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#315

Post by vjerancrnjak »

amelius wrote: post #128
fernly wrote: post #99

I think the word that Rosenstock was searching for, was "Introvert"[1]. I'm an introvert who had the good fortune to marry another introvert, and live contentedly with her for 40+ years. Following her death a few years ago I reflected on the differences between being part of a couple, and being solitary. There were many. Health maintenance was one; somebody else in this thread has already commented on married men liv…

> "Introversion is the state of primarily obtaining gratification from one's own mental life". If this is true, then why do we find so many introverts in online forums?

That sentence does sound weird.

Obtaining gratification from one's own mental life in a significant way, that you do not desire to communicate with others, or that you only like communicating through text where you are free to imagine the personalities of the people you're chatting with, should mean one probably suffers from a personality disorder (paranoid, schizoid, schizotypal etc.).

If you were to have a partner where you still primarily obtain gratification from your own mental life, I can't imagine how this partner could feel any love from you, if your priority is to be alone with your dreams most of the time.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#316

Post by throwntoday »

selcuka wrote: post #181
throwntoday wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It's a numbers game I think to enter into a relationship knowing there will be an expiration date speaks more to your character. Almost sounds like "I'm with them unless something better comes along or their shortcomings become more than I want to deal with". If you genuinely love someone, you will stand by them, work on any problems, and remember that you chose to build a future together. Given that the divorce ra…

> Given that the divorce rate in my community is less than 1% we're probably doing something right. FYI the divorce rate worldwide is less than 1% (it's actually much lower, around 0.4%).

We live in the US, where the success of a marriage is closer to a coin toss. It's pretty abaurd to try to take the average from across the world in this case.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#317

Post by throwntoday »

icepat wrote: post #145
throwntoday wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It's a numbers game I think to enter into a relationship knowing there will be an expiration date speaks more to your character. Almost sounds like "I'm with them unless something better comes along or their shortcomings become more than I want to deal with". If you genuinely love someone, you will stand by them, work on any problems, and remember that you chose to build a future together. Given that the divorce ra…

> to enter into a relationship knowing there will be an expiration date speaks more to your character The comment you are replying to never said, or insinuated this.

Yes it did. The assertion was that the more people you date the higher your odds of success, when the reality is totally the opposite. People who date less have a higher success rate in marriage.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#318

Post by xena »

misssocrates wrote: post #230
nitwit005 wrote: post #173

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can find streamers who will talk about difficulties going outside due to social anxiety problems, and yet are broadcasting themselves live. It's enough of a barrier for them somehow.

How? What's their technique for overcoming the anxiety with a live stream audience?

None of the audience members are in the same room. They're just words on a screen. It's not as "real" in comparison.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#319

Post by dunefox »

bingobongodude wrote: post #205
numbers_guy wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

He lives in Germany too, where it takes way more effort to turn an incidental encounter into something more. And I agree with you. I think, for a lot of these guys, if you literally never ever get a good chance, then of course that you go into "monk mode". I only fell in love the first time at 22, because I met a girl who I found amazing. The second time at 28, again because I very randomly met a girl who was amazing…

>He lives in Germany too, where it takes way more effort to turn an incidental encounter into something more. Hogwash. You are used to a different culture is all. As a German it does not take more effort to turn an encounter into "something more", you are just not used to the customs.

As a German it's definitely true. It's got nothing to do with the customs.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#320

Post by dunefox »

highspeedbus wrote: post #265
kayodelycaon wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So... how does one actually meet women?

Bar, tinder, churches, open festivals, etc. But the most important: Through friends. Trying to make regular friends and expanding your social circle increases the chances of being invited to private gatherings, where you can meet more people and so on.

Don't try tinder if you're average or below looking.
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