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Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

improveyoursocialskills.com

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Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#311

Post by barry-cotter »

Pimpus wrote: post #214
cwkoss wrote: post #168

I read some "pick up artist" literature in college: about two thirds of it is misogynistic garbage, but the remainder has some good tips on general platonic social interaction (and a major issue with insecure men is learning to interact with women in a casual platonic way without acting odd and creepy because they are hoping for more). - If you aren't good at speaking in a captivating way, literally write out your be…

Mark Manson's "Models" is a great read if you're looking for a non-PUA book about dating and attracting women in a healthy way.

Calling Mark Manson a non-PUA is about as accurate as calling Obama a non-politician. He’s firmly within the mainstream of that literature. There are 20 pages of results for “Mark Manson” on r/seduction.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#312

Post by starpilot »

wallflower wrote: post #53

While some of you may make light of the fact that I am giving you advice, my single most important piece of advice to people who are highly analytical and/or always solving problems is to not give unsolicited advice to friends, family, acquaintances, or even strangers. People will ask for advice if they really want it. People are not “broken pieces of code” begging to be fixed. I’ve lost friends over this, until one…

Unsolicited advice feels like criticism. It almost never is intended as such, but that's often how it feels. It's also almost always self-serving; the advisor wants to be a hero, and the recipient picks up on this and ends up feeling alone. Really recommend the book Messages: The Communications Skills Book by McKay.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#313

Post by aroc »

I love this thread! Relevant to this, I'm the Founder of a very early startup called Junto where we help people learn soft skills via audio courses. I've found soft skills to be absolutely critical to succeeding in your career, building better relationships with the people around you, and feeling generally happier and less stressed. Imo this is true for all roles, not just management or leadership.

I'd love for anyone interested to give our product a try and tell me what you think: https://juntohq.com/

<3

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#314

Post by BurningFrog »

TeMPOraL wrote: post #229
gherkinnn wrote: post #125

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes. That’s why I find dev.to and to be a rather uninteresting place. It’s 90% niceties and explaining .map over and over again. Similar things can be observed in many meetups and some companies. Everything is awesome. Everybody is nice. People shy away from deciding anything . Even the simple act of two people wanting to go through the same door at the same time is an impossible conundrum. No matter how important ps…

> Even the simple act of two people wanting to go through the same door at the same time is an impossible conundrum. Tangential, but I hit this issue very often with couple of friends during university years; two of us wanted to go through a door, and get stuck in a "you go", "no, you go", "I insist" loop. At some point I said, "you know what, let's do rock-paper-scissors, if you lose you go first". It immediately ca…

This is known as a "Canadian Standoff".

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#315

Post by cagmz »

WhompingWindows wrote: post #248
leggomylibro wrote: post #232

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One problem is that you aren't allowed to make mistakes in social situations anymore without facing extreme consequences, and you're right that it isn't the sort of thing you can learn by reading about it. There's really no chance for young'uns to learn in this day and age. It's tough, and the worst part is that there's no way out or hope for things to improve. And you can't complain or seek help, or you get treated…

What do you mean by "extreme consequences" for mistakes in social situations?

OP might be referring to "cancel culture": https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#316

Post by olyjohn »

jimmaswell wrote: post #294
jdsully wrote: post #288

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The difference is whether the person is expected to manage the situation on their own. If I said that to a buddy of mine who I know works on his own car he would be upset. He imagines himself capable of working on cars and I just communicated I don't think he can handle it. Nobody wants to be the person that other people see as a basket case. Just because someone is upset doesn't mean they can't solve the problem.

You can make a scenario where anything is rude. Here, if he said something and you said "could it be the fuel pump" that should also be an inoffensive comment, not prompt him feeling like "how dare this fool presume to lecture me about the inner machinations of an automobile; let this mark the end of our friendship"

I dunno man, I think this is more for situations where people are having personal or emotional issues. Things that they might be trying to work through. Not for troubleshooting a broken car or computer.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#317

Post by chubbyrabbit »

system2 wrote: post #260
lawn wrote: post #130

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've started to ask my girlfriend if "she wants me to solve her problem" or just "want me to listen" quite often. If you tend to fall into this trap, like I do, I can really recommend this approach.

And how does she respond to you usually?

"I just want you to understand"

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#319

Post by kungtotte »

rubidium wrote: post #162
therealcamino wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Often, mispronouncing a word means you've seen it in print, but haven't heard it said aloud. So I've heard some people say that they mentally frame it not as an embarrassing mistake but as a sign that the speaker reads a lot.

Totally me. I’ve read far more than I’ll ever hear. And I’m terrible at pronouncing things correctly because it’s almost pure visual memory.

Also, to be fair, some words are just plain pronounced wrong.

Hyperbole

Epitome

Worcestershire

They break the phonetic rules of the language and you're kind of expected to memorize it and get on with it.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#320

Post by anonytrary »

system2 wrote: post #302
kristofferR wrote: post #216

Socially insecure people should just watch the s*it out of this channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/charismaoncommand/videos I think visual examples can be way more impactful than what the linked dry text guide could ever hope to be.

Why is everyone on ycombinator promoting their own stuff today? Admins, can you stop this?

COC is a very well-known channel and directly ties into the topic here. I would guess parent comment is a fan of COC and not the owner of it.
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