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The 33-year-old virgin: Life without sex is only torturous if you let it be

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Re: The 33-year-old virgin: Life without sex is only torturous if you let it be

#31

Post by 34yearold »

delish wrote: post #15

this is great testimony. it's tragically common for people to let one shameful fact define them. I find myself thinking, "i have such weird interests; when i try to explain them to others, i always fail, and feel alienated." that's my analogue to being-a-virgin; often i let my "I am weird" be my reason to stay in on weekends, to deny my friends my company without giving a good reason. i have to actively tell myself,…

I'm a 34-year old virgin. I don't think that being one is shameful, though I understand that others do for whatever strange reason.

Re: The 33-year-old virgin: Life without sex is only torturous if you let it be

#32

Post by parennoob »

34yearold wrote: post #24
parennoob wrote: post #14

Asexuality is a real thing. I'm hypothesizing that this guy might be asexual. Asexuality is cool, whatever sexual orientation you are; you are that and you should carry it proudly. Alternatively (and I think this is more probable), he also sounds like a person who is neck-deep in inner shame about his virginity, and is rationalizing it saying, "Oh, but at least I'm not a misogynistic slob [his words]." But I fail to…

I am a 34-year old male virgin. There's nothing bad about this. You guys make way too big a deal about it. I always here people talk about sex like they'll die without it, but it's just not that important.

> I am a 34-year old male virgin. There's nothing bad about this.

So far so good. That's perfectly fine; I'm cool with that -- and a lot of HN readership probably is too. I doubt there's a ton of intolerant people here who go, "WHAT? A 34 year old male virgin? No way, get out!"

> You guys make way too big a deal about it. I always here people talk about sex like they'll die without it, but it's just not that important.

I don't see the point in telling people this. Maybe they are different, have different levels of hormones than you do, and have different emotions. As long as they aren't forcing you to have sex, I don't see that you should be telling them it's no big deal. Maybe it is a big deal to them. I don't see much difference between saying this and telling a gay person, "Gah, attraction to other men is just not that important. Just don't think of guys, and you should get over it."

Re: The 33-year-old virgin: Life without sex is only torturous if you let it be

#33

Post by haberdash »

34yearold wrote: post #27
haberdash wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Throwaway. Correct for part. I'm in a similar situation, but only 28. Five years to go. Twelve to a movie. In my mind—and this is entirely anecdotal—sex and relationships are merely a checkpoint for the life of a person. It's nothing more than a signifier, of which people place a negative connotation on being a virgin. I'm not here by choice, but by inability to progress against these signifiers. While I agree with y…

Also on a throwaway with only six years until the movie. I never understood why people make such a big deal over this. It's far more important to me to have it be the right person and time than to do it just because everybody else says you should. I'm fully cognizant of the fact that the right person and the right time may never come. I'm okay with that.

We're chasing each other's posts.

I find it interesting you're interested looking for the correct situation. Have you turned down prior situations where it didn't meet what you were looking for?

I'm quite a bit more broken than an average person—I don't think I could wait for a "right" anything.

Re: The 33-year-old virgin: Life without sex is only torturous if you let it be

#35

Post by dnautics »

34yearold wrote: post #24
parennoob wrote: post #14

Asexuality is a real thing. I'm hypothesizing that this guy might be asexual. Asexuality is cool, whatever sexual orientation you are; you are that and you should carry it proudly. Alternatively (and I think this is more probable), he also sounds like a person who is neck-deep in inner shame about his virginity, and is rationalizing it saying, "Oh, but at least I'm not a misogynistic slob [his words]." But I fail to…

I am a 34-year old male virgin. There's nothing bad about this. You guys make way too big a deal about it. I always here people talk about sex like they'll die without it, but it's just not that important.

well, society sells sex as an "important part of your balanced healthy life". Ergo, if you're not getting it, there must be something wrong with you.

Re: The 33-year-old virgin: Life without sex is only torturous if you let it be

#36

Post by 34yearold »

haberdash wrote: post #30
34yearold wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am a 34-year old male virgin. There's nothing bad about this. You guys make way too big a deal about it. I always here people talk about sex like they'll die without it, but it's just not that important.

28 here. I find it interesting that you're not interested in it at all. There's that saying: "a man can go his whole life without an orgasm, but if he goes a month without a bowel movement he'll die." It's true that it's not required to live. I feel a bit empty without a significant other, though.

It's not that I'm not interested. I have a sex drive, of course. I have considered that it might be in 'idle' rather than 'overdrive' as some appear to be. I don't really obsess over it, nor am I searching about desperately.

I can't say that I feel empty. Other people don't define me, I am complete in and of myself. I have had girlfriends, but things never really went anywhere.

Re: The 33-year-old virgin: Life without sex is only torturous if you let it be

#37

Post by nybblet »

[deleted] wrote: post #29
nybblet wrote: post #28

The article is too hard to analyze in terms of actionable advice, so to speak---too many factors that confound analysis of the author's position---but these comments are fascinating. It seems that to many people, sex is just a way to pleasure themselves, or just a status symbol. And if their partners are fine with that, then by all means they should indulge. Some other people, though, don't want to use other people j…

[deleted]

Sure; my main point is that sex should not the main point, because by focusing on that it's easy to lose sight of much else that some people actually value.

Re: The 33-year-old virgin: Life without sex is only torturous if you let it be

#38

Post by colmvp »

c23gooey wrote: post #18
colmvp wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not that I think you are implying this but it's not easy for everyone to get laid. I could elaborate on that point but my thinking is that this submission is going to get kicked off the front page so it seems futile. Also if you read his story he writes: "Every girl I’ve ever cared for has rejected me." So it's not like he didn't try.

yet then he goes on to say his last big rejection was 15 years ago. if he is holding on to the hurt from that long ago, im not surprised there is no one who wants to get intimate with him.

Last big rejection != last rejection

Re: The 33-year-old virgin: Life without sex is only torturous if you let it be

#39

Post by 34yearold »

parennoob wrote: post #32
34yearold wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am a 34-year old male virgin. There's nothing bad about this. You guys make way too big a deal about it. I always here people talk about sex like they'll die without it, but it's just not that important.

> I am a 34-year old male virgin. There's nothing bad about this. So far so good. That's perfectly fine; I'm cool with that -- and a lot of HN readership probably is too. I doubt there's a ton of intolerant people here who go, "WHAT? A 34 year old male virgin ? No way, get out!" > You guys make way too big a deal about it. I always here people talk about sex like they'll die without it, but it's just not that importa…

What gets me is that I've heard of sex described inaccurately as a "need" on a great many occasions. You die without needs. I'm living proof that you don't die without sex.

You might be right about the hormones, but I honestly think that people care more about what others think on this subject.

Re: The 33-year-old virgin: Life without sex is only torturous if you let it be

#40

Post by haberdash »

34yearold wrote: post #36
haberdash wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

28 here. I find it interesting that you're not interested in it at all. There's that saying: "a man can go his whole life without an orgasm, but if he goes a month without a bowel movement he'll die." It's true that it's not required to live. I feel a bit empty without a significant other, though.

It's not that I'm not interested. I have a sex drive, of course. I have considered that it might be in 'idle' rather than 'overdrive' as some appear to be. I don't really obsess over it, nor am I searching about desperately. I can't say that I feel empty. Other people don't define me, I am complete in and of myself. I have had girlfriends, but things never really went anywhere.

Different problems, same result. If you're happy with yourself, you're better off than about everyone.
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