The 33-year-old virgin: Life without sex is only torturous if you let it be

Sex (or lack of it) is something everyone can relate to.

Asexuality is a real thing. I'm hypothesizing that this guy might be asexual. Asexuality is cool, whatever sexual orientation you are; you are that and you should carry it proudly. Alternatively (and I think this is more probable), he also sounds like a person who is neck-deep in inner shame about his virginity, and is rationalizing it saying, "Oh, but at least I'm not a misogynistic slob [his words]."

But I fail to see how this article is not tantamount to thrusting your own sexual preferences onto someone else's. The majority of guys I know are not asexual, and would not be cool being a virgin at 33 (nor would most of HN's male readership IMO; maybe we should have a poll to see). I see close parallels here with an article by some wacko saying, "Being gay is only a thing if you let it be. See how I suppressed my homosexuality?"

tl;dr -- Being a virgin at 33 is okay for you, and that's cool. But for a lot of men, being a 33-year old virgin is going to be tortuous. And that's okay too, you probably shouldn't be telling them "it's like that only if you let it be."

Throwaway.

Correct for part. I'm in a similar situation, but only 28. Five years to go. Twelve to a movie.

In my mind—and this is entirely anecdotal—sex and relationships are merely a checkpoint for the life of a person. It's nothing more than a signifier, of which people place a negative connotation on being a virgin. I'm not here by choice, but by inability to progress against these signifiers.

While I agree with your point about the sex being irrelevant, the entirety of the statement of "It's sex" framed as a triviality is dead wrong. I, and I assume most other virgins, have severe issues with dealing with social cues. When you say "someone" who is that? Is it someone at the bar? A friendly glance at work? I can't tell. I'm pretty bad at learning social cues. I'm not sure where to do them. Or at who.

And because I'm bad at learning those social cues, I'm afraid to be forward. A friend who was sexually harassed at work gave me the advice to try a small company because "they have more relationships between coworkers there." It's somewhat irrelevant advice given how tone-deaf I am to general human interactions. Kind of ironic too, considering I probably couldn't tell the difference between harmless office flirting and sexual harassment. Which is why it's precluded in my mind.

Much like T.H. White's Merlin, I realize my doom, but am unable to change it. I'm guessing it's a chemical issue with my locus of control.

EDIT: I spend a majority of my free time in the gym. I'm very fit, so it's not a matter of appearance. Minus any crazy expression on my face.

yet then he goes on to say his last big rejection was 15 years ago.

if he is holding on to the hurt from that long ago, im not surprised there is no one who wants to get intimate with him.

To be fair, most women are probably not going to reject you in front of tens of other people, frame you for a bomb scare and then call your mom to say that that they hung out with you out of pity. His standards for 'big' are perhaps higher than yours or mine.