271–280 of 618 posts
I told my girlfriend (5 years) how I feel about diamonds and that I reject the very notion of buying a diamond engagement / wedding ring early on in our relationship. Several months ago, we landed on the marriage conversation, again. I reiterated that I am against diamond engagement bands. She then said: "What about a wedding ring then?" I told her it applies to wedding rings as well. We got into a heated argument an…
Re:Alternatives - was just talking about this with Billionaire founder of MoonExpress which just the first private company to receive FAA clearance to harvest some the moon (Moon Express). Sounds like he plans on bringing some back for rings and making it a thing to not just have a honeymoon but to give your honey the moon. https://soundcloud.com/user-925097294/billionaire-breaking-i...
The moon rock is a cool idea, but unless the couple met while working at NASA I don't see the significance.
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Nobody has ever been the least bit bothered by my non-diamond choice of an engagement ring for my wife.
For every such anecdote, there is seventeen opposing anecdotes where the wife insisted on a diamond ring and/or her friends/family thought the husband was "cheap" for not buying her one. edit: Looks like I said something unpopular. Whoops!
I'm the OP - surprised to see this at the top of HN today, but happy to post a quick update: My wife and I have been happily married for ten years now. She loves her ring, and it has held up extremely well. (She just had the band resized, absolutely no issues with the stones.) No one has ever thought it was anything other than a diamond ring, which includes several years of daily scrutiny from crazy New York City bri…
Wife and I had read the Atlantic article before it was too late, went with plain wedding bands for both of us. However, living in America, this is causing issues for her, continuously having to explain to friends and acquaintances why she does not have a diamond. We'd been looking for used rings as an alternative - hence, thank you very much for writing this, you just saved me and my wife several thousand dollars.
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> Until now, it's been non-negotiable. I really hate to be a random person on the internet giving personal advice but... diamonds being "non-negotiable" seems like a huge, glowing, neon warning sign. Don't be surprised to find out a bunch of other things are non-negotiable if you divorce.
> diamonds being "non-negotiable" seems like a huge, glowing, neon warning sign It's deeply ingrained in Western culture. Think about it like eating dogs. There's no rational reason not to use dogs for meat, but most Westerners would throw a hissy fit rather than eat dog meat. So don't assume the prospective bride is unreasonable. In fact, assume the opposite, as she was able to read a rational explanation of the iss…
Yes there is, unless you would make the same argument for having sex with relatives - which philosophers have rationalized against for thousands of years (way before the genetic consequences were understood). Morality is a rationalization. Dogs are genetically predisposed to be man's best friend - friends don't get eaten.
Diamonds don't even come close, there is no positive moral argument - just a fairly recent PR campaign.
So people do this to signal (both to their spouse and their friends) they are both financially capable and care enough about their spouse to burn a large amount of money on a pyre. It's also a very useful signal that you are serious about the commitment and unlikely to back off of the marriage. I would prefer to replace it with a certificate that proves you have spent X thousand dollars on said certificate from Moche…
Exactly this. The problem with every diamond critique I see is that their very first argument against diamonds is that they're expensive when that is, in fact, the entire point. Likewise, all the people who cry foul about the De Beers conspiracy are neglecting the fact that this does absolutely nothing to reduce their signal value. If I spend a large sum of money on something which I know to be worthless just to star…
Why do we need signals? Why does the social contract of marriage need an expensive down payment on essentially nothing? These are things modern cultures should be distancing themselves from. The down payment should be for a house or apartment, or just anything useful.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> diamonds being "non-negotiable" seems like a huge, glowing, neon warning sign It's deeply ingrained in Western culture. Think about it like eating dogs. There's no rational reason not to use dogs for meat, but most Westerners would throw a hissy fit rather than eat dog meat. So don't assume the prospective bride is unreasonable. In fact, assume the opposite, as she was able to read a rational explanation of the iss…
Horse may be a better example. Meat from carnivores tends to concentrate more toxins, which actually is a rational reason to avoid it.
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Yeah well, societal pressures only go so far in influencing a relationship. If the other party can't respect your values, an argument over a diamond is the least of your worries.
I dunno, I don't think it's that simple. For one, the "respect your values" arguments goes both ways: she values a diamond, he doesn't. If she insists on a diamond, she's not respecting his values. If he insists on no diamond, he's not respecting hers. It's very easy to justify going the no-diamond route, sure. From a financial point of view, it's just a bad idea. Some say the finances aren't the point, so you can tu…
Going with the nuts advice of spending a month's salary (or more!), yeah, that is awful, but, as I did, you can buy a diamond ring for less than < 1k (Canadian!). I'd have preferred not buy anything, but as you said, being reasonable in your relationship is about understanding what your partner values as well and try to reach a middle ground.
I told my girlfriend (5 years) how I feel about diamonds and that I reject the very notion of buying a diamond engagement / wedding ring early on in our relationship. Several months ago, we landed on the marriage conversation, again. I reiterated that I am against diamond engagement bands. She then said: "What about a wedding ring then?" I told her it applies to wedding rings as well. We got into a heated argument an…
Did you get to the point of explaining why you're against diamonds? Was she able to tell you why she wants a diamond in particular? To resolve this issue it would be good to exchange the exact, real reasons why one side wants the diamond and the other doesn't. But even then, it may end up your GF will insist on the diamond - while all the rational-in-the-vacuum reasons are against diamonds, there's this whole thing c…
By doing so, you're ignoring her agency and her role in the problem. It's not like DeBeers has some kind of mind control laser pointed at the brains of every woman in the world. They put out advertising, and some people fall for it.
If you need to be angry about something, be angry about our education system which fails to teach people to think critically about what they see on their glowing god-screens.
I told my girlfriend (5 years) how I feel about diamonds and that I reject the very notion of buying a diamond engagement / wedding ring early on in our relationship. Several months ago, we landed on the marriage conversation, again. I reiterated that I am against diamond engagement bands. She then said: "What about a wedding ring then?" I told her it applies to wedding rings as well. We got into a heated argument an…
Just buy her the diamond! If it's something that she really wants, then don't let your own feelings get in the way of that. Thats really selfish. Kind of the gist of being married is compromise. I mean, seriously, a ring could be had for $3k. You're going to throw away a 5 year relationship with someone you'd like to be married to because you won't buy her something that costs the same as the new stupid MacBook? She'…
This is one of the most manipulative arguments I've heard from people. I can't put a price on what my wife or son are worth to me, yet, I'd not buy something just at any price because my wife or son want it. Thankfully I was in a position to talk to my wife and she just wanted something symbolic so we went with something for less than 1k. Another good argument to bring in this situation is to show you're willing to spend the money, just not on something like a diamond, offer perhaps take her to a ver nice vacation.