Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Diamonds Suck (2006)

diamondssuck.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

101–110 of 618 posts

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#101

Post by erelde »

sametmax wrote: post #31

Seems like an american things really. In France, nobody would expect anyone to buy a certain kind of ring. As long as it's pretty, you can go for anything. Or no engagement ring. Some friends of mine don't even get wedding rings. And I just met a not married couple wearing rings just because they liked it. Our wedding ceremonies are also usually way cheaper and less show off that the ones your pop culture is selling…

(french also) I know a couple who married at the beggining of their fifties, just went to the mayor's office with two witnesses, signed the papers and that was all. They are both litterature teachers for students in their master cycle.

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#102

Post by acjohnson55 »

Confusion wrote: post #70
klodolph wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you're old enough to be thinking about marrying your girlfriend, your girlfriend has probably decided already what she thinks about diamonds and spending money on pretty but useless things. And if you've been dating her long enough to think about marrying her, then you should probably have a pretty good guess about how she thinks about it. First and foremost, it's a proof of social status between her and her peers…

There's a catch-22 here: you can't raise the topic of diamonds without her understanding you are thinking about marriage. And even if you've been together for years, it may just not have come up. And people are unpredictable: she may just have an irrational dream of a diamond ring. So I think the worry is justified and not necessarily a sign of insufficient marriage-maturity. But that doesn't change the advice: the o…

A complete surprise proposal is a bad idea, IMO. We're talking about a (nominally) lifelong decision. In a relationship with good communication, the proposal should be a formality, because marriage has been explicitly discussed, probably many times, over the course of the relationship. It can and should still be a romantic moment and even a bit of a surprise.

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#103

Post by DanBC »

dingaling wrote: post #87
DanBC wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A $2000 ring is cents per day for a long marriage. 66% of marriages survive 10 years. The ring would cost 50c per day. Buy the ring, and spend less of coffee.

My wife-to-be and I agreed to skip 'engagement' and the money we would have paid for a ring covered the entire cost of our wedding and an all-friends garden-party. To this day, no-one has asked my wife why she only has a [tungsten] wedding ring and no engagement ring. So that's 50c per day saved for better causes. And we have lots of good memories from the party.

Cool, if someone's prospective wife doesn't want a ring they can spend the money on whatever they want.

Here, though, GP makes it sound like his SO wants a diamond ring.

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#104

Post by soperj »

acjohnson55 wrote: post #85
thebiglebrewski wrote: post #14

Can anyone give me advice on how to convince my girlfriend of this though without her thinking I love her any less :)?

Ask her to read this article, and the Atlantic one it links to. My now-wife couldn't stomach the idea of wearing a diamond after learning about the industry. She went with a sapphire from a reputable company instead. Other tip, her and I went ring shopping together, which really helped alleviate the pressure of trying to pick out something she'd enjoy wearing for many decades. She was still pleasantly surprised by th…

Yeah we did a Sapphire as well, it's crazy what colors you can get. I asked her to marry me without a ring, and then we designed the ring together. Altogether a much less stressful experience and the surprise was still there.

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#105

Post by DanBC »

gherig4 wrote: post #69
DanBC wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A $2000 ring is cents per day for a long marriage. 66% of marriages survive 10 years. The ring would cost 50c per day. Buy the ring, and spend less of coffee.

How many starving/diamond mining children in Africa can 50c a day feed?

A US marriage is phenomenally expensive. If you want to send 50c a day to Africa, and you can't afford it, it's probably better to cut back on dressed chairs at the wedding than to tell your future wife who wants a ring that she's not going to get one.

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#106

Post by TeMPOraL »

ftrflyr wrote: post #96

I told my girlfriend (5 years) how I feel about diamonds and that I reject the very notion of buying a diamond engagement / wedding ring early on in our relationship. Several months ago, we landed on the marriage conversation, again. I reiterated that I am against diamond engagement bands. She then said: "What about a wedding ring then?" I told her it applies to wedding rings as well. We got into a heated argument an…

Did you get to the point of explaining why you're against diamonds? Was she able to tell you why she wants a diamond in particular? To resolve this issue it would be good to exchange the exact, real reasons why one side wants the diamond and the other doesn't. But even then, it may end up your GF will insist on the diamond - while all the rational-in-the-vacuum reasons are against diamonds, there's this whole thing called culture, social pressure and someone spending half of their life imagining the perfect diamond ring. Those are perfectly valid reasons too. So if she insist, don't be angry at her - be angry at De Beers.

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#107

Post by ftrflyr »

bing_dai wrote: post #17
mk89 wrote: post #4

Great advice. Possibly coming from someone who doesn't have a girlfriend. :) try to give such a stone to a girl and see how amused she is gonna be. You are just gonna sound "cheap". Diamonds are a status, not a beautiful stone. edit: I see many downvotes. Guys, seriously, was it for me, I would buy nothing. It's just how this world works. You can express your anger by downvoting me, I'll be fine, but please don't fal…

I am a woman in a happy, long term relationship. I have issues with your assumption about "girls". I told my boyfriend not to give me a diamond because every aspect of what diamond actually embodies goes against my value. There are certainly women who adore diamonds, but not every woman does.

Will you please speak to my GF! I am afraid we have different values and any time the ring conversation comes up, it ends in an argument. The last argument ended in her telling me that we shouldn't talk about it anymore.

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#108

Post by randlet »

joshkaufman wrote: post #66

I'm the OP - surprised to see this at the top of HN today, but happy to post a quick update: My wife and I have been happily married for ten years now. She loves her ring, and it has held up extremely well. (She just had the band resized, absolutely no issues with the stones.) No one has ever thought it was anything other than a diamond ring, which includes several years of daily scrutiny from crazy New York City bri…

Thank you! It was your website that convinced us to go with moissanite in 2008! I owe you a beer or 12 :)

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#109

Post by ginko »

DanBC wrote: post #50
thebiglebrewski wrote: post #14

Can anyone give me advice on how to convince my girlfriend of this though without her thinking I love her any less :)?

A $2000 ring is cents per day for a long marriage. 66% of marriages survive 10 years. The ring would cost 50c per day. Buy the ring, and spend less of coffee.

That assumes that a more expensive ring buys a stabler marriage. Actually the opposite seems to be the case:

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2501480

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#110

Post by [deleted] »

jakewins wrote: post #84
joshkaufman wrote: post #66

I'm the OP - surprised to see this at the top of HN today, but happy to post a quick update: My wife and I have been happily married for ten years now. She loves her ring, and it has held up extremely well. (She just had the band resized, absolutely no issues with the stones.) No one has ever thought it was anything other than a diamond ring, which includes several years of daily scrutiny from crazy New York City bri…

Wife and I had read the Atlantic article before it was too late, went with plain wedding bands for both of us. However, living in America, this is causing issues for her, continuously having to explain to friends and acquaintances why she does not have a diamond. We'd been looking for used rings as an alternative - hence, thank you very much for writing this, you just saved me and my wife several thousand dollars.

[deleted]
Post reply on HN