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An ode to that “coffee friend”

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Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#251

Post by Mezzie »

bee_rider wrote: post #97
notinfuriated wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Seems like a high enough bar to me. I know zero people like this, despite the article assuring me that we all know someone like this. If I did know someone like this, I suppose I'd think of them as my "coffee friend" or rather, friend who is really into coffee. That is unless they also had a bunch of other esoteric hobbies that overshadow the coffee thing.

Huh, weird. I have a really basic grinder, actually it is more of a thwacker, in the sense that you just plop the beans in there and it'll thwack them to bits (want fine ground for pour over? Hold the button longer. French press? Don't hold it too long). This shouldn't count. You can get really fancy grinders. And who doesn't have a favorite coffee place?

I don't, and most of the people I grew up with/around don't either. (Michigan)

The Seattle and Vancouver people did. Boston was split. Wisconsin didn't except in Madison or Milwaukee.

It depends where you live. A lot.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#252

Post by astura »

unwind wrote: post #122
lukego wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Any time someone gives me chocolate as a gift I say a polite thank-you and then discretely throw it in the trash. Maybe I'm an outlier, or maybe not...

You forgot the why-part, which certainly seems on topic in this thread. a) You just don't like chocolate and never eat/bake/cook with it, b) You really like chocolate but only very particular/fancy kinds that people never manage to gift you, c) Sonething else that would be actually interesting to hear.

C) They have a restrictive diet.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#253

Post by Shorel »

Stratoscope wrote: post #152

Of course when you get a special present for that friend who is really into something, you may go down the wrong track. A family member once drove down from Portland to visit us in San Jose. She knew I was really into coffee and roasted my own. She stopped at a little roastery on the way down and asked, "Give me the darkest roast you've got." After all, the darker the roast, the better it is, right? Naturally when sh…

Darker than Starbucks?

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#254

Post by andrewflnr »

noduerme wrote: post #250
andrewflnr wrote: post #246

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're projecting a lot of other people's nonsense onto me. Throwing away a gift that you do, in fact, know someone gave you in earnest still feels like shit. So you wind up in a no-win situation. At least if you're a nice person. And then you come in telling me I'm an asshole for having independent taste, and telling me I should just mold my personality to whatever nonsense other people decide to give me, and really…

It's just wild to me that someone could care so much about it, or get so worked up. I'm not telling you to let other people mold your personality. I'm just saying it often happens and it's not really an earth-shattering tragedy if it does. You can also do what most people do which is put stuff you don't want to throw away in a box in the closet and forget about it.

Any papercut, iterated enough times with no good way to respond, eventually becomes a source of anger. I bet there are other things about people that will make more sense to you with that in mind.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#255

Post by extragood »

jraph wrote: post #102
foobarbecue wrote: post #84

It's so weird how we think we have to buy each other stuff.

I don't like searching / having to think about gifts. And I don't like receiving them. There's some expected reciprocity in this. Presents are often useless stuff turning into waste. We cannot afford this anymore. It also takes me months to decide to buy something for myself, whether I really need it, which model exactly… I don't like this to be ruined. Events with people are cool, though, and that's the kind of pres…

I relate very closely with this.

I do have a couple exceptions though. I'm close with my brother and sometimes run across something that I know he actually needs, and buy that for him. My exes have all really loved receiving flowers spontaneously.

The difference is that expectation of reciprocation feeling that you mentioned. I hate scheduled gift-giving. It feels so insincere.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#256

Post by noduerme »

andrewflnr wrote: post #254
noduerme wrote: post #250

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's just wild to me that someone could care so much about it, or get so worked up. I'm not telling you to let other people mold your personality. I'm just saying it often happens and it's not really an earth-shattering tragedy if it does. You can also do what most people do which is put stuff you don't want to throw away in a box in the closet and forget about it.

Any papercut, iterated enough times with no good way to respond, eventually becomes a source of anger. I bet there are other things about people that will make more sense to you with that in mind.

Life is full of repeated, daily annoyances. Allowing yourself to get angry about them is a choice. Traffic is super irritating. But if you get angrier and angrier every day you have to fight traffic until you explode, that's an anger management problem. Taking a breath and letting the small shit go, accepting that other people do dumb things sometimes, you don't have to succumb to anger. Anger is where you stop being smart. Papercuts are just papercuts. You wouldn't scream at the first or the hundredth. They won't kill you. They heal and you get more. That's life.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#257

Post by CTDOCodebases »

foobarbecue wrote: post #205
CTDOCodebases wrote: post #125

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Funny :) I meant "a thing" like being a "foodie" became a thing. Before having an interest in something became part of someone's self constructed identity.

I think this "thing" of yours is imaginary. Before it was called "foodie" it was called "connoisseur." Terms come and go, but expertise has always been connected to one's sense of self and self-worth. And there have always been people who think they are better than other people. The trick is to be an expert without coming across as arrogant, and that challenge has faced all of us since the dawn of humanity.

Imaginary in what sense? Are there not concepts in the zeitgeist?

From my lived experience if I mentioned to someone that a particular friend was "the coffee guy" in my social circle 15 years ago they would assume that he worked in the coffee industry. They probably wouldn't assume that he was potentially a lawyer and has a cupboard full of various coffee brewing devices.

I mean sure for a long time the concept of a coffee connoisseur was a thing, the SCAA was a thing but to clarify at some point it became not only acknowledged but socially acceptable to refer to yourself as "the coffee guy".

As for your remarks about expertise, self and self worth it depends on the domain and the individual.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#258

Post by lukego »

astura wrote: post #252
unwind wrote: post #122

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You forgot the why-part, which certainly seems on topic in this thread. a) You just don't like chocolate and never eat/bake/cook with it, b) You really like chocolate but only very particular/fancy kinds that people never manage to gift you, c) Sonething else that would be actually interesting to hear.

C) They have a restrictive diet.

Or just issues with sugar. In a country with ~40% obesity there will be plenty of people who are happy to get a box of chocolates, eat it with great joy, and then spend a few hours in self-loathing because they really shouldn't have.

Surely it's bad enough having all the trashy sugary junk food on display at the supermarket check-out without the extra step of people actually buying it on your behalf...

See also people who give absurd quantities of candy to other peoples' kids and think that's great on the basis of the immediate reaction of joy...

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#259

Post by lukego »

lukego wrote: post #258
astura wrote: post #252

Earlier quoted context omitted.

C) They have a restrictive diet.

Or just issues with sugar. In a country with ~40% obesity there will be plenty of people who are happy to get a box of chocolates, eat it with great joy, and then spend a few hours in self-loathing because they really shouldn't have. Surely it's bad enough having all the trashy sugary junk food on display at the supermarket check-out without the extra step of people actually buying it on your behalf... See also peopl…

(I post these comments mostly to be able to laugh at how lame I am becoming as I grow up :))

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#260

Post by kubanczyk »

switchbak wrote: post #233
kubanczyk wrote: post #157

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wait, are "confused looks" bad? I'd love to get a confusing gift.

When you go out of your way to get a special gift and the response is "thanks ... I guess", that's not really the desired outcome. A confusing gift sounds like fun, but an unwanted gift not so much.

Culture-dependent then. I did get dozens of impractical, boring, useless gifts that were a net zero value to me (or slightly less). I've never responded "thanks ... I guess" or implied that, because it'd be super-rude.

Maybe not a full nuclear option, but a heavy offense, to be remembered for years.

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