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An ode to that “coffee friend”

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Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#201

Post by astura »

wfleming wrote: post #39

As somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish people wouldn’t do this. If I’m super into topic X and you’re not, there’s a good chance whatever you get will either not be of interest (e.g. bad beans) or just redundant (I can only use so many mugs or grinders). Obviously the thought is always appreciated, and…

This was my immediate thought - you're going to get someone really "into" coffee beans? Like, that's the worst idea, you're pretty much sure to get them something they don't want, most people who are "into" something are particular about it.

I guess I'm "into" tea and drink it everyday. While I'm not very particular (I like all types and even the worst tea bags make drinkable iced tea) the problem is I already have too much. I appreciate it a lot, but ATM I'm at capacity.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#202

Post by YurgenJurgensen »

plantain wrote: post #7

I do the exact opposite. Buying a gift for an expert when you are not an expert is always going to lead to disappointment, no matter how well they hide it. I buy gifts only from areas that I am an expert in, and I hope my friends may not be as enthusiastic about the area as I am, but at least we both know I got them the best for them.

As someone who's gotten a reputation for liking chillis and hot sauce, I've definitely pretended to enjoy an awful lot of mediocre bars of chilli chocolate from people who don't understand what makes a good chilli.

I don't drink wine, and I don't buy wine for my wine-loving friends because I know I don't understand wine enough to know what I'm buying.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#203

Post by base698 »

wfleming wrote: post #39

As somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish people wouldn’t do this. If I’m super into topic X and you’re not, there’s a good chance whatever you get will either not be of interest (e.g. bad beans) or just redundant (I can only use so many mugs or grinders). Obviously the thought is always appreciated, and…

Yeah it's funny how much I disagree with the OP. My dad always ends up buying me duplicates of what I have whether it's coffee or cooking. Then you have to do the dance to make sure the one they bought you is the one you use when they come over for dinner.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#204

Post by muzani »

lukego wrote: post #101
muzani wrote: post #55

I assume everyone is a "chocolate friend". If they aren't, they'll let you know.

Any time someone gives me chocolate as a gift I say a polite thank-you and then discretely throw it in the trash. Maybe I'm an outlier, or maybe not...

Well, you just let me know, so I won't be getting you a box of chocolates. Paradoxically, a lot of people could be like that, but they appear to be outliers because they never say it out loud.

What kind of gifts would you prefer?

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#205

Post by foobarbecue »

CTDOCodebases wrote: post #125
foobarbecue wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You were into coffee before it was really a thing? So 15th century?

Funny :) I meant "a thing" like being a "foodie" became a thing. Before having an interest in something became part of someone's self constructed identity.

I think this "thing" of yours is imaginary. Before it was called "foodie" it was called "connoisseur." Terms come and go, but expertise has always been connected to one's sense of self and self-worth. And there have always been people who think they are better than other people. The trick is to be an expert without coming across as arrogant, and that challenge has faced all of us since the dawn of humanity.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#206

Post by noduerme »

andrewflnr wrote: post #187
noduerme wrote: post #144

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this is untrue in a couple of ways. Firstly, people like being considered easy to buy for and don't resent it. Secondly, people grow into whatever they end up with a collection of. Thirdly, Americans don't use the word "dreadful".

> people like being considered easy to buy for and don't resent it. Not the question. The resentment comes from being expected to pretend you appreciate "gifts" that are nothing but chaff in the gears of your life. Ask me how I know (actually don't, you can guess, right?). > people grow into whatever they end up with a collection of What? No. I don't know about you or the people you've been hanging around with, but s…

Oh seriously, if someone buys you a gift you don't want, appreciate the gesture and throw it away if it's "meaningless chaff". Or if you like it, adopt it. Like I adopted the llama cufflinks I got from my girlfriend for no discernable reason. But for God's sake stop bitching about how people buying you shit you don't need is the horrible burden of capitalism. Go live in a van with 6 pairs of underwear like I did for 10 years and you may lay a tiny claim to not wanting "stuff" because it weighs you down a little. But first see if you can discern from the heights of your high horse whether most gifts aren't given in earnest.

Only a spoiled child gets angry about getting gifts they didn't want.

>> Honestly, what are you trying to do here? Whatever it is, stop.

"Do"? "stop"? Under whose authority and why? I was making a comment. If you think I'm trying to demolish some moral position you hold, go ahead and explain why... but "honestly"+"whatever"+"stop" doesn't tell me what you're actually objecting to.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#207

Post by [deleted] »

bythreads wrote: post #143
abricq wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wish this was true but unfortunately, I must disagree with saying that it is different in Europe. In France, 10 years ago, high-school was a constant lookout for who's the 'popular' kids (literally called like that). And reversely, nerds kid would often be made fun of, or socially excluded from breaks / activities. However, i have talked about this before with my wife who's from Italy and said that she never experi…

So controversial anecdote: I was an exchange student in france (from denmark) for a few months - when i was around 14. And i was shocked to my core when i saw how teachers and the schoolsystem was put together. There was a boy in my class that had difficulties at home and struggled in school (daydreaming instead of focusing etc) and i clearly remember this scene where the teacher mocked him infront of the class sayin…

[deleted]

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#208

Post by noduerme »

fsckboy wrote: post #174
noduerme wrote: post #144

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this is untrue in a couple of ways. Firstly, people like being considered easy to buy for and don't resent it. Secondly, people grow into whatever they end up with a collection of. Thirdly, Americans don't use the word "dreadful".

people who write for The New Yorker definitely do use the word dreadful. I am impossible to buy for and I'm happy that way; I just tell people they don't need to get me anything.

See, just from that statement I would know exactly what snarky coffee mugs to buy you.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#209

Post by c7b »

koonsolo wrote: post #98
fishtoaster wrote: post #47

I thing I decided late in life is that being really into things is cool. Something I'm rather sad about is that highschool kinda beat that attitude out of me. I was a classic nerd, including all the bad attributes that label comes with, but also one really good one: I was really into a number of things. But I learned from hard experience that being super into stuff was lame - being disinterested and too cool for stuf…

This "too cool for stuff" sounds like US culture. I never experienced that kind of thing in EU. We each had our own friend groups, and didn't really care what the other groups were into. I once heard an artist say (can't remember which one), that they loved playing in Europe, since everyone at a festival is there to have fun. While in US, everyone is there to look cool.

Nonsense. As ever so often, the German language even has an own word that kids use to deride peers who are too invested in learning stuff, or even just commit the offense of having better grades in school. Similar for other countries, I'd say European countries are no less hostile to nerdy kids than the US, at best.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#210

Post by dagw »

bythreads wrote: post #183
dagw wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you have an extremely naive view of both children and bullying. My daughter goes to a school with very similar rules, and they're followed up by the school, and if you where to talk to the parents I'm sure at least half of them would claim that the school has no bullying or at least handles it very well. And despite all this, my daughter still got horribly bullied by her classmates.

No not really, was bullied myself, understands the dynamics and bullying is a group phenomenon - not a one on one. If your peers a very aware of it not being allowed and discouraging it - you dont't get the social "credits" for applying it and it fizzles - then again if you dont learn the lesson you're expelled. Works

Works

I disagree. Sure you can stop the most obvious and visible bullying, like physical altercations and obnoxious name calling, and make people generally 'behave' themselves while at school, but that just means the bullies becomes more careful and subtle, not that they stop.

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