Yes, people should be more public about what they like as presents.
For some of us it's a hassle.
An ode to that “coffee friend”
171–180 of 264 posts
Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”
#172I thing I decided late in life is that being really into things is cool. Something I'm rather sad about is that highschool kinda beat that attitude out of me. I was a classic nerd, including all the bad attributes that label comes with, but also one really good one: I was really into a number of things. But I learned from hard experience that being super into stuff was lame - being disinterested and too cool for stuf…
This "too cool for stuff" sounds like US culture. I never experienced that kind of thing in EU. We each had our own friend groups, and didn't really care what the other groups were into. I once heard an artist say (can't remember which one), that they loved playing in Europe, since everyone at a festival is there to have fun. While in US, everyone is there to look cool.
I also grew up in the EU, but without knowing anything, my first guess is that this might be generational, and I assume you are a decade or so younger than GP (unproven hypothesis).
GP's experience feels extremely familiar to mine, even including the later realizations, and this from growing up across the pond.
Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”
#173I keep notes whenever I have a good gift idea for someone specific. Example: during our trip to Chile, me and my girlfriend stayed at an Airbnb where they had a child's xylophone. My girlfriend loved to play it and even learned 3 songs before we left. I realized it would make a good gift so I wrote it down on a note titled "Good Gift Ideas" in Google Keep. A couple months later on her birthday I bought her a similar…
You should probably migrate out of Google Keep, Google might decide to kill it.
Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”
#174The American writer Calvin Trillin wrote a short story called “A Christmas Shopping Tale” about how this kind of gift-giving might not always be welcome. It appears in his book Too Soon to Tell (1995). Excerpts: “There was once a man named Arthur Robinson who was, as they say, very hard to shop for. He was a nice man, but as the Christmas shopping season began every year, his family and close friends and business ass…
I think this is untrue in a couple of ways. Firstly, people like being considered easy to buy for and don't resent it. Secondly, people grow into whatever they end up with a collection of. Thirdly, Americans don't use the word "dreadful".
people who write for The New Yorker definitely do use the word dreadful.
I am impossible to buy for and I'm happy that way; I just tell people they don't need to get me anything.
Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”
#175Earlier quoted context omitted.
I wish this was true but unfortunately, I must disagree with saying that it is different in Europe. In France, 10 years ago, high-school was a constant lookout for who's the 'popular' kids (literally called like that). And reversely, nerds kid would often be made fun of, or socially excluded from breaks / activities. However, i have talked about this before with my wife who's from Italy and said that she never experi…
So controversial anecdote: I was an exchange student in france (from denmark) for a few months - when i was around 14. And i was shocked to my core when i saw how teachers and the schoolsystem was put together. There was a boy in my class that had difficulties at home and struggled in school (daydreaming instead of focusing etc) and i clearly remember this scene where the teacher mocked him infront of the class sayin…
Was it in a private or public school? Anecdotal but I've never seen that when I was in school in the 90s. Friends who went to "good" private schools though complained about public shaming and had similar experiences to the one you had.
Also in terms of teaching, I actually appreciated the fact that we had a lot of compositions that emphasised critical thinking (more so than I had when I went to Germany for 6 months as an exchange student). Wonder if that's because things have changed since the 90s or if it's due to the private/public school difference.
On the other hand, I was very heavily bullied in middle school but that was by other kids not by professors. And once I got to High school the bullying completely stopped.
Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”
#176>We all know someone like that
i don't. why do blog autors keep making statements like this?
Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”
#177I thing I decided late in life is that being really into things is cool. Something I'm rather sad about is that highschool kinda beat that attitude out of me. I was a classic nerd, including all the bad attributes that label comes with, but also one really good one: I was really into a number of things. But I learned from hard experience that being super into stuff was lame - being disinterested and too cool for stuf…
> I sometimes have to remind myself that being super into football, nascar, or the bachelorette is just as admirable as being into my things.
I would add music you don't like (ex: autotuned rap), "commercial" or "popular" everything (ex: Bud light), and sexual kinks (ex: pet play) to this list.
If you peek a little, you may find even find these topics to be surprisingly deep. Maybe even deeper than the things you like. Or maybe not, but don't dismiss them because they don't fit your preconceived ideas.
Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”
#178Earlier quoted context omitted.
Its funny that this is still a thing - the only reason why bullying happens is because the culture of it is not broken by the school itself. My kids go to a scholl where: 1: you can only ever arrange playdates or gatherings with a maximum of 2 other kids - or its the whole class 2: bullying is not allowed in any way shape or form 3: no one is allowed to exclude others from games, plays or events 4: this is rigorously…
At my school, no rules - or kids - had to be "broken". It was not supression of a behaviour, the behaviour just did not exist. If people behaved badly, the group was self-governing, making clear to the offender that their behaviour was "not cool" - and thus, they weren't. If you have a cultural problem that shows itself in bullying, fire the teachers. Also consider stopping adversarial school activities. If these rul…
it was not supression of a behaviour, the behaviour just did not exist
Or you just didn't see and experience it. There is more to bullying than everybody standing in a circle and openly making fun of the "nerd". Most successful bullies are very good at hiding their bullying from people they know wouldn't approve. Having had the unfortunate experience of seeing my daughter get bullied, bullies are sneaky, insidious and very good at keeping their behaviour just on the right side of plausible deniability. I fully believe that over half of her class had no idea she was being bullied.
Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”
#179I thing I decided late in life is that being really into things is cool. Something I'm rather sad about is that highschool kinda beat that attitude out of me. I was a classic nerd, including all the bad attributes that label comes with, but also one really good one: I was really into a number of things. But I learned from hard experience that being super into stuff was lame - being disinterested and too cool for stuf…
Unironic enthusiasm for a topic is great, but I think a lot of enthusiasm for something, especially if it's "cool" (coffee, craft beer) is mostly performative. They want to brand themself as similar to other people who are into that thing.
Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”
#180Earlier quoted context omitted.
This "too cool for stuff" sounds like US culture. I never experienced that kind of thing in EU. We each had our own friend groups, and didn't really care what the other groups were into. I once heard an artist say (can't remember which one), that they loved playing in Europe, since everyone at a festival is there to have fun. While in US, everyone is there to look cool.
I wish this was true but unfortunately, I must disagree with saying that it is different in Europe. In France, 10 years ago, high-school was a constant lookout for who's the 'popular' kids (literally called like that). And reversely, nerds kid would often be made fun of, or socially excluded from breaks / activities. However, i have talked about this before with my wife who's from Italy and said that she never experi…
I was also in a French highschool around 10 years ago but I was lucky enough to have different experience that yours. People part of the "geek" group (like myself) were never excluded from activities and had good relations with the so called popular kids.
It was a time where playing Magic the gathering was really popular so I guess that reduced the stigmatization of nerdy kids.