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Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

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Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#231

Post by HeyLaughingBoy »

austin-cheney wrote: post #73
retube wrote: post #68

Couldn't agree more. I absolutely hate being asked what I do for a living. I spend a large part of my life doing it, I don't want to spend my free time talking about it, or trying to explain it. It doesn't define me. It doesn't mean anything, I do it to get paid. The end. I always make a point of never asking people what they do for the same reason. Indeed there are people I have now known for years and I have no ide…

I write software. The end. Its boring, even to other people that write software. At previous employers I was more specific about what I do for a living: walk around a park, go to phone meetings, stare out a window. In those cases I generally only wrote software as a personal hobby.

A little more context can make it interesting to others though. I used to struggle to explain embedded software to non-technical people (and even to technical ones!), so instead I started saying "I write software that controls mailing machines" or "I write software for medical instruments." Having a real-world "anchor" that they can relate to helps others understand what you do and if they want to continue a conversation along those lines.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#232

Post by bradlys »

somewhereoutth wrote: post #148
nynx wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How very droll. Why are engineers considered so lowly?

Unfortunately the heroic age of engineering (Brunel, Bazalgette) is behind us. As it grew in complexity, engineering by necessity became corporatized and de-individualised. It was no longer the place for dashing adventurers and gentlemen intellectuals. Instead it has become associated with 'technicianship', the rather boring (but essential) trade of knowing which button to push to make things start working again. Fur…

There are many other professions which have similar gender gaps. They’re not talked about because the professions aren’t growing as fast and don’t make as much money for such relatively low time investment.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#233

Post by bradlys »

I don’t tell everyone but I still ask the question. Often, it’s a good signal if we’re going to get along.

Also, as someone who is in the dating market - it’s one of the first questions I ask because outside of physical attraction, how much money they make is the easiest dealbreaker to filter on. If they’re not even remotely close in my socioeconomic bracket - there’s no point in pursuing anything romantic and I’ll make sure to push the interaction into a more friendly area when that comes up.

I’m a man btw. Money matters when you’re buying $3m homes.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#234

Post by 908B64B197 »

somewhereoutth wrote: post #222
908B64B197 wrote: post #215

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> whereas as an engineer you are just there to fix the tv/computer/iphone/whatever. I find it interesting because it reveals so much about a society (and why the UK simply couldn't grow a real tech sector). Here in America some sneer at the terms architects or engineer being used to refer to people in tech, but nobody would consider computers and iPhones to be beneath buildings. Then again, it was all engineered righ…

From an art/design history point of view, computers and iPhones really aren't that interesting, and soon converge on the obvious solution as a simple rectangle of glass.

I suppose you are right; it's not like any of these tech changed society for even one bit.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#235

Post by midiguy »

somewhereoutth wrote: post #222
908B64B197 wrote: post #215

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> whereas as an engineer you are just there to fix the tv/computer/iphone/whatever. I find it interesting because it reveals so much about a society (and why the UK simply couldn't grow a real tech sector). Here in America some sneer at the terms architects or engineer being used to refer to people in tech, but nobody would consider computers and iPhones to be beneath buildings. Then again, it was all engineered righ…

From an art/design history point of view, computers and iPhones really aren't that interesting, and soon converge on the obvious solution as a simple rectangle of glass.

Most people in design fields would not disagree that the lion's share of design innovation in the past couple decades has been in software UI/UX. The way we interact with our devices is just so radically different than 20 years ago to the point that it shapes our cognition and way about the world. And this will only continue with AI interfaces.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#236

Post by vlod »

huffmsa wrote: post #82
capableweb wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've talked with endless amount of people, people I know since before and people I don't know since before, and I don't think anyone (unless relevant to the discussion at hand) has asked me how much money I make, or who I'm sleeping with. Maybe it's because I'm not 16 years old, or maybe it's because I don't frequent night clubs in hot metropolitan areas anymore, but that strikes me as very odd that most of the peopl…

If anyone's ever asked: - what do you do? - where do you live? - are you married? - have any kids? They're asking about your money and your sex life.

I'm going to start saying: "Art Vandelay", Architect

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#237

Post by JohnFen »

DougN7 wrote: post #229
JohnFen wrote: post #208

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> it will tell you so much about the person But only if you know the person well enough to have the context of it. What a person's job says about them is very different, for example, if they love their job vs hating their job.

Love or hate the job, knowing what it is gives you insights/guesses into skillsets, education level, economic level, possibly the type of people they mingle with, etc, etc.

Perhaps, but talking with them for 15 minutes will do the same in any case.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#239

Post by 1letterunixname »

I hate people asking what I do for a living, especially women, because it's code for "If you're rich, I'll pretend to like you." To reveal the real character of a person, there are 3 ways: go to war with them, let them believe they have an untouchable advantage, or alcohol.

5 years after my mom had a stroke, he moved out and served her papers while she was visiting her dying mother. Shortly after and during the pandemic, his mother was dying and he stole roughly $1m USD from his family. I blame myself for not being more suspicious of him and allowing my mom to rush into retirement and cohabitation out of the area.

---

I'm also annoyed by the assumption that I must work for someone other than myself: it's orthodoxy of the meek who play it safe while handing piles of treasure over to others.

Outside of work, who really wants to be reminded of or talk about it? It's one of the problems of attempting to socialize with coworkers: they can't leave the office at the office. When I'm not working, I don't want homework.

---

PS: Never get involved with investors, cofounders, or spouses you don't completely trust and know for years. It's marriage. Keep liabilities away at arm's reach at least.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#240

Post by devilbunny »

gnutrino wrote: post #207
version_five wrote: post #88

When I did my PhD I hated it when (most) people asked about my research. It's not because I wasn't interested, it's because I'm really interested and was (still am) bad at giving concise summaries, so I felt like people who really didn't care and wouldn't listen to the answer were asking me to embark on a long explanation that required a bunch of preamble etc, just in order to make conversation. Anyway, I feel largel…

I was at a dinner party and asked someone what they do. They ran a research lab, and I was really interested, and asked questions. He was surprised I actually liked chemistry and was interested in his research. He said normally people just joke about how they hated chemistry in high school, so he normally avoided talking about it. He said people don't realize it's really rude to basically tell someone that their life…

> people don't realize it's really rude to basically tell someone that their life's work is boring and they hated it when they were 16

They generally do, but when you drop something like "I'm a research chemist" on them, they freeze up. In most jobs, there's a certain commonality of experiences. Oh, tell me about your craziest customer stories, or the worst meeting you ever flew across the country for, or whatever. When you have a job that doesn't fall into an "office work" category... that isn't going to work out. Since most people aren't great or even good conversationalists, they're going to fire off a lame joke and hope it's not a total disaster.

I'm an anesthesiologist. If I never hear another family member say "you're going to need a really big hammer to knock him/her out", I'll join the church of whatever god made that happen. In purely social situations, though, I know it's a conversation-killer, because most doctors don't know much about what I do, let alone laymen. So I have a small repertoire of ways to redirect the conversation back to "let's get to know each other a bit" topics. I think anyone in an unusual (but not, on its face, fascinating) job does.

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