Is there a better way to get a lot of comments on this site than posting any article that says “…people… should do…”?
Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that
231–240 of 396 posts
Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that
#232The fundamental force behind this is individualism. Every single technological innovation has made it easier for the individual to function better alone. Every societal change has emphasized the individual right over the (real or perceived) benefit of the collective. This trend seems to accelerate and absolutely nothing that is happening in western society even remotely suggests a possible turnaround. You can take ac…
I am posting this as a person born and raised in a rather small community. I personally do not yearn for the good old days when 'everyone knew everyone' and there were things to do together. We did things together, because of geographical convenience and random chance. We had no other options so we did kids things. Granted, I was lucky to be included in that particular group, because they all were much, much smarter…
It's not just leave-me-alone individualism. It's this new, belligerent "Toxic Individualism" that's taken hold, supported by recent technological change (such as social media) and recent political/cultural change (many examples). A regular individualist simply prefers to operate on their own, outside of society and ignore collective activities. This new breed of individualism is more focused on attacking society and making it harder for people to take cooperative, collective action. Regular individualists are about working for themselves, where Toxic Individualists are more about deliberately working against society. "I don't want to be part of society" has become "Society is bad and you shouldn't have it either". I don't think this should be celebrated.
Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that
#233Earlier quoted context omitted.
Believe it or not, big cities have pretty good quality of life and people who live there do actually have friends and social lives. I grew up in the suburbs, and I've lived in big cities, urban areas in medium sized cities, and exurbs as well. The cities aren't as different as non-urban people think. But also, they're better in a lot of the ways that most people would expect: more things to do, better food, better sh…
Cities have much lower standard of living because no one can afford shelter. There’s too much traffic which means you can’t go anywhere except walking range. So there may actually be equal or less to do in the city simply because your range is so short. And crime is huge problem too, now more than ever
I know you're not making those statements in good faith, but I'll still push back against the absurd generalizations. Of the top 20 biggest cities in America, what you said only applies to a couple of them at most.
Of course, crime, housing costs and traffic (caused in large part by bad urban design) are real issues in American cities to varying degrees. But it's not as if all cities are lawless slums without any way to move about.
Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that
#234Earlier quoted context omitted.
As kid I spent time in an old fashioned Russian serf type village, where a bunch of families lived together and worked a bunch of strips of land. It was the best time I ever had. Everyone had a job to do, and they were happy to let you help. The tasks you were given seemed fulfilling and meaningful. Today is horrible. Nobody lives with family or knows neighbors around here. No more church. There are some craft clubs,…
Why do you want to compare everything you do to what others are doing? Allow yourself to do things that others do better. You do not have to be the best. You will enjoy life much more. Your kids will, too.
Further, your kids seeing you do these things will think you are the best at it or will be enthralled trying to emulate superior efforts with you. I can't paint. My painting efforts are embarrassing. My daughter, keen on painting, saw my horrific effort today and thought it was amazing. If we watched an artist on YouTube and then tried to paint together, she would absolutely enjoy that too.
If you don't have an internal appreciation of simple crafts (gardening, making something) then your children can help you find purpose in it.
Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that
#235Earlier quoted context omitted.
Seems to me he was not alone, as he had friends and spent time with them. Is this example conflating 'alone' to the seperate issue of him being unable to find a sexual partner? Also generally I'm sure there will be outlier examples of 'see he was alone in the past' but I feel we have to approach these from a 'generally' view to understand the bigger picture as examples of one may be good for context, but can tend to…
I think technology is fundamentally opposed to the human experience. What will happen when AGI agents are more empathetic, caring, attentive, funny, supportive, soul-nourishing than any human could ever be? On every level that a human can enjoy and appreciate the company of another human, computers will do it better. It’s like the concept of infinity… you are forced to accept all these strange outcomes that are logic…
That is the future for AGI under capitalism. (See "Her" 2013 movie.)
A different path is for sufficiently advanced technology to help humans connect with each other and strengthen those connections, like organizing playdates for children (of course subtly enough that it doesn't come off as infantilizing). I don't think that can coexist with the attention economy though.
Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that
#236As long as you have your phone, you are never alone.
We have conquered boredom, or, as some countries say, "timepass".
Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that
#237I live in a big city, but I'm terribly lonely. - I live alone. - I work hybrid, but when I go into the office, it's more or less empty and I spend all my time on zoom calls. - My family lives far away. - I'm single. Most weeks, my only social interaction is at the local bar, where I'm a regular, or various dates from apps. Excesses of both of these is unhealthy in different ways. I've been pushing myself to go to mee…
Yeah, the notion that people are _choosing_ to be alone makes me laugh. I think I'm even worse off than you, since I don't like drinking alone.
Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that
#238Earlier quoted context omitted.
I have some friends at the bar, and I'm definitely considered welcome as a regular, and always have a good time, etc. But they're mostly drinking buddies, and not much more outside of that, however I'd like to try harder to change that.
What do you imagine a friend is? Mostly they are drinking buddies, or buddies. I have not had a friend in over 30 years who was anything more than someone I knew from an activity we both did or a place we both frequented. People (especially men) pretty much stop having "deep" friendships once they are adults.
Men can develop deep friendships with each other as adults, it "just" takes enough mutual interest and flexibility to spend a lot of time together. That is much harder if your time is already spoken for my family, a partner, children, work, hobbies, etc. Think of all those sitcom friends who just show up at each others' houses and hang out.
Friendship is fundamentally when two people want to spend time talking with each other (without an ulterior motive like sex or commerce).
Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that
#239I live in a big city, but I'm terribly lonely. - I live alone. - I work hybrid, but when I go into the office, it's more or less empty and I spend all my time on zoom calls. - My family lives far away. - I'm single. Most weeks, my only social interaction is at the local bar, where I'm a regular, or various dates from apps. Excesses of both of these is unhealthy in different ways. I've been pushing myself to go to mee…
Well at least you’re getting dates on the bright side
Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that
#240I live in a big city, but I'm terribly lonely. - I live alone. - I work hybrid, but when I go into the office, it's more or less empty and I spend all my time on zoom calls. - My family lives far away. - I'm single. Most weeks, my only social interaction is at the local bar, where I'm a regular, or various dates from apps. Excesses of both of these is unhealthy in different ways. I've been pushing myself to go to mee…
I am with you. I just want to share that succeedsocially.com has a lot of straightforward advice in a clean, ad-free format. In particular it talks about social issues more likely to afflict HN readers ("I hate small talk" "nobody likes my niche interests" etc. <3) I've found it helpful personally, maybe someone here will too.