Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#231

Post by lief79 » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 9:10 PM UTC

jpdbaugh wrote: post #153

lief79 wrote: post #148

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As for meeting people, most people are lonely on one level or another. If you can genuinely just say hello to random people, you'll be networking and getting to know people in no time. If it's at a social scene, or a public place, just look for someone sitting or standing by themselves, and ask if they would mind some company. In my experience, over 50% of people say yes. (If they don't, then move on to the next pers…

Thanks that seems like good advice. I am living in Pittsburgh with my girlfriend so I am not entirely alone. However, she is busy with graduate school and I am severely lacking in the friends department.

I'm on the other side of the state, so close but not quite. I'll send this thread to one of my college friends in that area, and she can decide where to go from there.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#232

Post by portman » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 9:14 PM UTC

Terry_B wrote: post #130

portman wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have a 3 year old, a 2 year old, an 8 week old, and a startup. Having kids has no impact on having your own business. They're completely orthogonal. Using that as an excuse for not having kids makes as much sense as saying "I don't want to eat tacos for dinner because I want to have my own business." Note: I'm not responding directly to your comment; I'm responding to the somewhat pervasive idea on HN that kids are…

Ok, I want to know more :) Is your startup funded and do you work from home? Is your partner working? I'd like to hear a little more about how they're completely orthogonal, as most people I know with kids would probably indicate differently.

Paul Graham, exactly one year ago: "What a startup (bootstrapped or not) takes is 100% of your performance, not 100% of your time." http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=679278

He was talking about exercise, but I think the same is true with having kids.

In my case, I spend 4 hours with my kids every workday: 6am - 10am. During that time, I get:

- Ridiculous, insane amounts of joy.

- A chance to see the way that little minds think, which usually triggers a good software idea at least once per week.

- The same kind of chemical response that I would get from volunteering. Before kids, I tried to volunteer about 20 hours per week because it released some kind of neuro-chemical that made me really happy. Helping - and in particular, TEACHING - my kids triggers a similar response.

- An opportunity to process the day's coming challenges (subconsciously)

- Lots of laughs, enough that I don't feel compelled to watch as many TV shows or movies as I did previously.

For me, it works out to a huge net positive on both personal fulfillment and professional performance.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#233

Post by eru » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 9:14 PM UTC

derwiki wrote: post #226

eru wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> 3. Save. Save, save, save. 10% of your money saved on a regular basis now is a huge relief in the future. I wish I'd enforced this on myself a bit better in the 20's .. you simply cannot avoid the fact that if you save during your most productive years, your least productive years will be better off for it .. I just got my first a few months ago and opted to save more than 20% of my gross income (tax-free, you pay…

One step further: if you get a raise, take all of the associated money and save it. The standard of living you're used to will stay the same.

If you can do pull it off, do so. I might even try it myself.

But saving "only" 50% of your raises is something everybody can do without too much discipline, and still feel rewarded with a higher standard of living for whatever they did to get the raise. (Unless it's an automatic raise, and not something you got for some achievement.)

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#234

Post by frodwith » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 9:17 PM UTC

mindcrime wrote: post #199

DanielBMarkham wrote: post #89

- Shiny things are nowhere as much fun after you get them as before, even if they have some value. So yes, that Kindle or iPad or whatever will have a real use, and you will be marginally happier with it than without, but not as much as you think - You can talk yourself into (or out of) anything. The only difference between smart people and other people is that smart people do this with bigger words and more complex…

- Stick to a daily exercise routine at all costs Yes, absolutely this. I can't reiterate that strongly enough. Do NOT make the mistake of letting your fitness go by the wayside. The older you get the harder it is to maintain (or increase) your fitness level... and if you spend a decade sitting on your bum eating chips and getting fat, it's a royal pain to get back into shape. Don't ask me how I know this. :-)

Dunno about you, but I know it because I did those things and now I'm fat. >_>

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#235

Post by portman » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 9:22 PM UTC

modoc wrote: post #123

portman wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have a 3 year old, a 2 year old, an 8 week old, and a startup. Having kids has no impact on having your own business. They're completely orthogonal. Using that as an excuse for not having kids makes as much sense as saying "I don't want to eat tacos for dinner because I want to have my own business." Note: I'm not responding directly to your comment; I'm responding to the somewhat pervasive idea on HN that kids are…

"Having kids has no impact on having your own business" You're saying that raising children has no impact on your available time and money? That seems a bit far fetched. I'd agree that it's totally possible to have kids and do a startup, but frankly you'll be working with a bit less money and less time (and for a while way less sleep).

Of course raising children requires time and money, just like any other activity.

I have a friend who competes in Iron Man. It takes a huge commitment of time and energy, and every time I talk to him he has just spent $1000 for some new attachment to his super-bike. Iron Man negatively impacts his "available time and money". Oh, and he has a startup. And it's very successful.

I suspect that most of you have hobbies that consume 3-4 hours of your weekday and several hundred dollars of your monthly budget.

Now, in my case, my family is my hobby. Spending time with my kids is how I relax and unwind. I don't go out, or watch TV, or play a musical instrument, or compete in Iron Man, or participate in Renaissance Festivals. My life might seem empty and boring to you, if your idea of relaxing and unwinding is different than mine.

Having a family is one choice -- amongst many -- for how to spend your free time and disposable income. I'm not claiming that you can have it all -- for example, I don't think anyone could do startup + family + Iron Man -- but I do think that startup + family is eminently doable.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#236

Post by mccon104 » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 10:28 PM UTC

lionhearted wrote: post #25

Man, forgive me for being blunt, but there's a lot of loser talk in this thread. "Oh you can't learn from others mistakes, you'll make them, blah blah blah..." - no, this is how people feel better about themselves for having not listened to advice and getting wrecked in their own life because of it. Sure, you'll make mistakes, but you shouldn't just accept wandering blindly through life dealing with stuff. This is wh…

First - do everyone a favor and throw this "If I say bullshit enough people will think I'm good at spotting it" mindset out. While you're at leave the "there's a lot of loser talk in this thread" talk to trolls.

Second - Why in gods name would you teach yourself to view people so one dimensionally? You sound like a College Admissions rep only interested in a persons GPA.

I appreciate the basic notion, that execution matters more than words but I wouldn't waste my breath telling my naive self that. I was far too naive to take that advice to heart. And I surely wouldn't tell myself to not be the first to give someone a second chance.

I don't know what I'd tell myself, I haven't put my mind there yet, but I do know for damn sure that it wouldn't involve such a cold finite tone.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#237

Post by brc » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 10:36 PM UTC

lionhearted wrote: post #25

Man, forgive me for being blunt, but there's a lot of loser talk in this thread. "Oh you can't learn from others mistakes, you'll make them, blah blah blah..." - no, this is how people feel better about themselves for having not listened to advice and getting wrecked in their own life because of it. Sure, you'll make mistakes, but you shouldn't just accept wandering blindly through life dealing with stuff. This is wh…

>Someone fired from all their jobs is probably going to be a menace later in some form or fashion. >Someone who ended all their relationships on bad terms is going to end on bad terms with you.

This was an important lesson for me recently. I had a friend I was spending quite a lot of time with, and was discussing starting businesses with. One day it dawned on me that there was not one job, friendship or relationship this person had not ended, usually badly. Then I realised that I was just about their only current friend, which made me realise this person eventually fell out with all their friends. Seeing the writing on the wall I staged a gradual withdrawal, and remain friendly but not friends.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#238

Post by DanielBMarkham » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 11:06 PM UTC

Xurinos wrote: post #225

chc wrote: post #221

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you've misunderstood the comment. It isn't, "You are one single thing you've done." It's "You are what you do." If you paint, you're a painter. If you raise children, you're a parent. If you hack, you're a hacker. They're not mutually exclusive: You might be a hacker-painter-parent. You can keep adding roles as long as you have time to do things. They're also not necessarily permanent: You can stop being a ha…

No, I am not what I do. I do many things. If you (the general populace) must label me, just call me Xurinos. Better, call me the Xurinos that posts on HN. You use labels to conveniently understand me, but that is going to lead to mistakes and misunderstandings, broken expectations. Those are your chosen limitations. My point is to discard the label/role from your thinking because it can lock you in place. Multiple ro…

No you have missed the point, and out of all the comments, I can't let this mistake go. You make the decisions to do what you want to do, and those decisions -- what you do, your decisions -- is the essence of your existence.

Every minute you make new choices, do new things, and those choices and actions are your life. The things you do, the decisions and actions you take, even if nothing more than decisions to be happy under miserable circumstances, constitute your life. You own them, and by continuing to take ownership and dancing above the chasm, you live fully.

We must imagine Sisyphus happy.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#239

Post by scotty79 » Thu, Jul 01, 2010, 1:01 AM UTC

snth wrote: post #194

scotty79 wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think experiences are highly overrated. What I've seen, done or felt quickly gets pale and fades into the background. For me nothing can replace learning new interesting things and understanding new interesting concepts.

But things you learn also fade, unless you use them.

Not for me. I can jump into something I understood at any point of my "education" and find my way around it with pleasure.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#240

Post by scotty79 » Thu, Jul 01, 2010, 1:14 AM UTC

beastman82 wrote: post #139

scotty79 wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think experiences are highly overrated. What I've seen, done or felt quickly gets pale and fades into the background. For me nothing can replace learning new interesting things and understanding new interesting concepts.

You should record something about your experiences, whether in pictures, movies, or text. Makes it very easy to relive them in your mind.

I can relive in my mind photos made by somebody else accompanied by a story.

I feel that history is just one of possible fictions. The fact that it actually happened (even to me personally) poses little significance to me. Physics on the other hand is something real, very distinct and intrinsically interesting.