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I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

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Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#231

Post by randyrand »

>Two years passed before I finally decided to take legal action, in late 2014. Maybe it seems weird that I waited so long

What seems weird is it does not sound like she ever tried to actually confront him. Block after block, but not really confronting him. It seems she didn't want to hurt his feelings. But waited until police action? That seems like a terrible approach.

The most confrontational she got was "I caved and sent him a message asking him to please stop messaging me so much or I’d block him." How surprising that didn't work.

You need to be more confrontational in a situation like this - either a heart to heart approach where you lay it on them, or something more aggressive. Blocking for the umpteenth time is not going to work.

You could call this critique victim blaming, but the my intent to encourage people to handle the situation better, without someone repeating her mistakes.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#232

Post by KaiserPro »

hueving wrote: post #192
KaiserPro wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

you're railing against the observation, making discussion of the causes difficult and therefore possible solution discovery possible. If we are to tackle social problems, we can't argue about language of the problem for fear of being branded as *ist we don't do this about high blood pressure, or diabetes. The way you are arguing is actually a logical extension of the original observation in the parent. The original s…

No, you missed the point. It's not that men and women are the same. It's that men do understand societal pressures and it's sexist to imply otherwise.

take the diabetes example, by saying it is hard to understand what its like to have diabetes, does that make me a diabet-ist?

no. its just pointing out that empathy is a difficult skill.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#233

Post by randyrand »

Jean-Philipe wrote: post #150
fpgaminer wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It's often hard for men to understand the societal pressure placed on women to be accommodating and not be rude and how this can be manipulated to constrain female agency in the world. Sorry, but I'm going to have to call out this statement as sexist. There are also several other strange "facts" being passed around in other comments which are similarly biased. To be clear, I'm not calling you sexist. In fact, I thi…

> Sorry, but I'm going to have to call out this statement as sexist. Here we go again. Somebody pointing out gender bias is blamed for being sexist.

Making sweeping generalizations about a gender is sexist. You might as well be saying women are more suited for child rearing and sandwich making.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#235

Post by randyrand »

meowface wrote: post #78
cgriswald wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've found they also have an amazing ability to make excuses for the behaviors of others. I had an ex who got into a lot of sketchy situations because she refused to believe people were exactly who they were telling her they were. Guys would do inappropriate things that clearly bothered her, but she would claim they were "joking" or believe she misunderstood, etc. etc. So she wouldn't set any boundaries, and of cours…

While many people are like this, it seems a bit unfair to stereotype all women as gullible.

Was he talking about all women, or just the median woman?

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#236

Post by randyrand »

andreasvc wrote: post #169
LordKano wrote: post #165

So... Why didn't she just give him a firm, but polite "I'm not interested"? I'm not saying that stalking and/or harassment are acceptable. I'm just saying that she probably could have avoided 14 years of misery if she had just politely told the guy that there was no potential for anything more. Women need to learn to reject people in whom they're not interested. They think they're being "nice" or at the very least, b…

You're blaming the victim. Do you really believe she didn't tell him no clearly? > Women need to learn to reject people in whom they're not interested No, that's not the problem, women get plenty of experience with that. People should not stalk or harass, period.

>People should not stalk or harass, period.

And if they are, you're saying that women are completely incapable of handling the situation themselves and need to run to the police?

Suggesting that a woman solves her own problems is not the same as victim blaming.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#237

Post by striking »

SwellJoe wrote: post #209
striking wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They didn't snicker at her. They just didn't know how best to help her. I feel your characterization portrays officers as hateful when they're really often just misinformed. Again, just like you say, it's hard to find the right answer. And when you say you "rather they err on the side of protecting victims", there are too many people who could possibly be victims to protect. And how do you mean "protect" exactly? [Do…

The police in this case knew the name of the victim, the name of the perpetrator, and had the ability to look over the evidence to figure out whether a crime had been committed (according to the statute, it probably had). You don't get much more open and shut than that. Yes, it takes resources with only modest results (modest in the sense that it's not usually gonna be a murder case or a drug smuggling case, and won'…

I agree with that statement. It's much easier to agree with your points when they're specific.

I find it unfortunate that some members of police force think that they know the law well enough to decide whether or not a report should be made.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#238

Post by ctdavies »

hollander wrote: post #210
YouYouMeMe wrote: post #191

Amazing. "I caved and sent him a message asking him to please stop messaging me so much or I’d block him." ... "so much or I'd block him." <--- the stalker?

Yep, it's reinforcement all over. Everything she does that does not shut him off completely, without notice, without any reaction, that is rewarding to him. I don't blame this girl for this, because she did the best she could, but from the outside it is rather clear how this works. The problem is probably mostly emotionally, on her side. For some reason she could not end it completely and hand it over to the police.

Sorry, but it does sounds to me like you are blaming the victim when you write "The problem is probably mostly emotionally, on her side." It's her stalker who has the emotional problem. Calling her emotions the problem appears to me rather sexist, given that women are stereotyped as overly emotional. Furthermore, she DID stop responding, and she DID go to the police, but they didn't do shit. Please read the article more carefully, and please don't place the burden of justice on the victim.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#239

Post by randyrand »

> Men can be victims of cyberstalking, too, but the majority of victims are women, who tend to experience “particularly severe” harassment online, according to the survey. Just about everyone has been name-called or subject to some other sort of verbal abuse online, but women are the predominant targets of sexual harassment and the sustained abuse that constitutes cyberstalking, typically considered the most serious form of internet harassment.

Love how she so quickly brushes men under the rug. "This is a woman problem! Not a mans porblem!" Why do we generalize issues? Why not focus on all cyber stalking, not just cyber stalking by men? Its serious issue that I sympathize with.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#240

Post by openasocket »

Lawtonfogle wrote: post #229
openasocket wrote: post #227

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Getting committed by a therapist you are seeing is very rare, generally only happens if you are actively suicidal, and will tend to only last a few days. The barrier for involuntary committing is very high: I've known several people who engaged in self harm and cutting, told their therapists, and were not committed. The benefits far outweigh the risks. >And people wonder why we have such issues with our mental health…

>Getting committed by a therapist you are seeing is very rare There are many very rare things people take extreme precaution to avoid. >Would you want it to be impossible to commit patients without consent, and risk more people committing suicide? But more people would see therapists and thus less people would commit suicide overall. The choice is between a lower total suicide rate or a lower suicide rate in a subset…

But, knowing that your therapist can only commit you temporarily if you actively suicidal, do you still think you shouldn't see a therapist if you are depressed? I, for one, am glad my psychiatrist can commit me if I become suicidal; she would literally be saving my life.
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