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Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

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Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#221

Post by surfTide »

This question has been posed previously: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30230620 (slightly different circumstances however there are parallels).

Either way, my favourite answer was https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30231627

"It helps to bear in mind that about 99.9999% of the worlds population have no awareness of your existence."

That helped me.

I then created a domain based on that comment[1] and then decided to create an alter ego[2] who will be my internet persona for the various projects I've been doing for the last couple of years.

I guess that gave me a bit of a purpose.

[1]=https://99.99999.fyi/ [2]=https://gregorius.rippenstein.art/

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#222

Post by Kaze404 »

czbond wrote: post #98
thiago_fm wrote: post #70

Sorry you feel that way, I'll try to be frank here, if my advice isn't useful, just don't take it. I know a few people exactly like you, that like to boost about how well off they are and that are depressed and sad, but they treat life as it is a game of competition, this is why they usually start by displaying how "they've won", but in reality they were the only ones that were silly enough to only think about work.…

> but in reality they were the only ones that were silly enough to only think about work A lot of people find passion + work align. It's ok not to waste your time watching TV, sports, playing games, art, and all that stuff people do to distract them from life. It is ok for your hobby to be work. There are just enough people who aren't driven to work, that it bothers them. I can work 10 hours every day, and enjoy work…

> waste your time watching TV, sports, playing games, art, and all that stuff people do to distract them from life

I think you have it backwards. Working is distracting you from life.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#223

Post by theeviljames »

theeviljames wrote: post #219

I'm 41 and I can understand the existential ennui of being capable and not finding satisfaction in it, or life. I hate each passing birthday as it seems to mark yet another failed year of finding content; hopefully, you can intellectually see that, when I say it, it isn't true and worth trying - what else can one do? I've also been medicated on SSRIs (in my opinion, they were only worth it when I was going to kill my…

With ref to the shrooms, be cautious if you have a family history of psychosis/personal psychotic episodes

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#224

Post by KhoomeiK »

Meaning comes from narrative.

The most powerful narratives are the biggest narratives.

Most big narratives are non-verifiable or non-empirical narratives, e.g. "the creator of the universe died for your sins out of love for you".

Find the biggest narrative that satisfies your epistemological standards and you will also find the most meaning for yourself.

Your narrative need not change how you live your life, it simply provides context—a bigger picture for every action you take.

For me, this is darwinism.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#226

Post by goatkey »

bravura wrote: post #116

A lot of comments have said "stay in therapy" or "quit therapy", but my immediate reaction is that maybe you have the wrong (ineffective) therapist and need to switch . My spidey sense went up when you mentioned what "you told your therapist", full stop. I was at least expecting "what my therapist responded" or "what my therapist told me that didn't work". That really (spidey sense, no evidence really) implies that y…

Agreed wholeheartedly. I was recently listening to the podcast You Are Not So Smart with an interview from an author named Britt Frank [0]. She discusses exactly the problem with low value therapists and how they can actually be really harmful as part of a broader conversation about feeling “stuck”. I really recommend the episode. After listening, I ordered the book, but haven’t yet read it, so I cannot recommend the book just yet.

[0]: https://youarenotsosmart.com/2022/04/05/yanss-229-britt-fran...

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#227

Post by arecurrence »

You're in an excellent position today. Here's my recommendation as a random HNer whose found success with this (We differ somewhat... my joke was dead by 60 :P ).

1. Spend a month visiting national parks. It's almost May which means Utah is PERFECT! Go to Bryce Canyon and Zion (make sure you cycle in the valley at Zion). Check out the eastern Utah parks too. Swerve down to Arizona and check out the Grand Canyon. Don't bring any access to work... none whatsoever.

2. You might love this so much that you want to go to Europe next. Assuming you're not off exploring the planet...

3. Work on software that is in a completely different business domain. Even contributing to open source instead of a for profit is a great idea but I recognize health insurance may be a problem for you then. Have some interest in finance? Work on investment tech. Have some interest in robotics? Work on drones. Do something tech that is nothing like you've ever done before.

4. Do you cook? If not, start cooking. I recommend highly rated asian stir fry sauces to start. It's just fun working a wok :) . Maybe give Hello Fresh or one of the other delivery services a try for the variety. A surprising number of people find intense inner happiness while getting good at cooking.

5. Report back.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#228

Post by WHA8m »

Trasmatta wrote: post #92
thiago_fm wrote: post #70

Sorry you feel that way, I'll try to be frank here, if my advice isn't useful, just don't take it. I know a few people exactly like you, that like to boost about how well off they are and that are depressed and sad, but they treat life as it is a game of competition, this is why they usually start by displaying how "they've won", but in reality they were the only ones that were silly enough to only think about work.…

> Honestly depressed people can't get shit done as you do, I live with somebody with it and they can't wake up, have a business or deal with commitments as you've done, to me it seems you are mostly sad because you want to always be on a peak, winning, sort of like a cocaine addict, hence my earlier comment about addiction This isn't true, depression has a pretty wide spectrum, and some depressed people are fairly hi…

Yes, but every depressed human will eventually break because of that. No way you're getting trough with that - given, the 'highly functioning' is a displacement for your depression. They have been depressed before, but afterwards it'll be much more apparent (and urgent).

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#229

Post by rootusrootus »

At least you have the money part figured out, LOL. I'm a couple years short of 50 and feeling an increasing dread that I won't be in a position to do anything interesting in the future, and that I haven't tried hard enough to have a lucrative career so I don't have enough banked to retire yet.

Can't tell you what you should do. I'm going to grind leetcode (the blind 75!) and brush up on systems design diagrams and see if I can convince one of the high-paying tech companies that I still have the mojo. I still enjoy slinging code, but I want to be able to "retire" before 60 and do it on my own terms, along with other hobbies that are mildly expensive.

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