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Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

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Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#91

Post by MarkusWandel »

Midlife crises stereotypically result in a a sports car or a mistress. These days they might take a whole other form: Belatedly having kids! Talk about distraction from life going downhill from here. It still sucks, you just don't have to dwell on it.

Getting fit really helps, especially if you've never been athletic. I love cycling and have always done a lot of it, but COVID and WFH changed the nature of it. Instead of a "baseline" of bike commutes and extra sporty rides on top of that, it was all sporty rides. And while Strava reminds me that elite athletes can climb a hill over twice as fast as I can, and naturally athletic people in my age group are still 5-10% faster, it's still fun to try to beat my segment time up that hill and then it has knock-on benefits like better sleep, and even motivation to shed a few pounds because that too will help the hill climb time.

Markus

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#92

Post by Trasmatta »

thiago_fm wrote: post #70

Sorry you feel that way, I'll try to be frank here, if my advice isn't useful, just don't take it. I know a few people exactly like you, that like to boost about how well off they are and that are depressed and sad, but they treat life as it is a game of competition, this is why they usually start by displaying how "they've won", but in reality they were the only ones that were silly enough to only think about work.…

> Honestly depressed people can't get shit done as you do, I live with somebody with it and they can't wake up, have a business or deal with commitments as you've done, to me it seems you are mostly sad because you want to always be on a peak, winning, sort of like a cocaine addict, hence my earlier comment about addiction

This isn't true, depression has a pretty wide spectrum, and some depressed people are fairly high functioning. There are vast differences in severity, and it also surfaces differently in different people.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#93

Post by blipvert »

troglodynellc wrote: post #27

Drop the therapy and start lifting weights. I'm not kidding. If the problem is that you feel things are gonna be a slow decline from here, then fight it . Make that your new goal, even if you know it to be a losing battle. It will focus your mind on demonstrable milestones like hitting new deadlift personal best. Even if you do something else, at the very least recognize that you've gotten to the point where you don'…

Woah, toxic masculinity alert!

By all means give weights (or running, cycling, whatever) a go, but stay with the therapy.

Better to listen to professionals rather than some rando on the web.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#94

Post by Valien »

Go volunteer and spend time with those with less resources. Pour yourself into something worthwhile. When you take your focus off yourself and pour it into others things will improve.

I also know this isn't popular here but spiritual fitness is key as well.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#95

Post by aarpmcgee »

troglodynellc wrote: post #27

Drop the therapy and start lifting weights. I'm not kidding. If the problem is that you feel things are gonna be a slow decline from here, then fight it . Make that your new goal, even if you know it to be a losing battle. It will focus your mind on demonstrable milestones like hitting new deadlift personal best. Even if you do something else, at the very least recognize that you've gotten to the point where you don'…

Not sure about the suggestion to "drop the therapy"—if op's current therapy isn't helping so much, a different therapist/approach can make all the difference in the world. It took a lot of time for me to discover that kind of therapy worked best for me, and it also took some determination for me to find a therapist with whom I could really connect. My current therapist has helped me so much.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#97

Post by dhruvkar »

Turn inward.

Your physical survival is taken care of, now there is only conscious evolution.

Your mind (thoughts/feelings/emotions) is going to do what it has always done - run rampant. Now with the emptiness you're feeling, you'll want to pay even attention to them. Don't.

You're looking for a feeling of joy just for being alive. It's not found in the physical body or your mind. It's much deeper. The journey starts with stillness.

I suggest the following:

- some type of meditation (no apps), anything involving stillness

- being with the earth (gardening, walking)

- skip all media (at least not consuming it in the desire to find answers)

Where you are now is harder than the past 44 years.

You have to consciously (not compulsively like up till now) move forward.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#98

Post by czbond »

thiago_fm wrote: post #70

Sorry you feel that way, I'll try to be frank here, if my advice isn't useful, just don't take it. I know a few people exactly like you, that like to boost about how well off they are and that are depressed and sad, but they treat life as it is a game of competition, this is why they usually start by displaying how "they've won", but in reality they were the only ones that were silly enough to only think about work.…

> but in reality they were the only ones that were silly enough to only think about work

A lot of people find passion + work align. It's ok not to waste your time watching TV, sports, playing games, art, and all that stuff people do to distract them from life. It is ok for your hobby to be work.

There are just enough people who aren't driven to work, that it bothers them. I can work 10 hours every day, and enjoy working that way on the weekends. Life is boring - if you're in charge of work, it can be fulfilling.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#99

Post by getlawgdon »

troglodynellc wrote: post #27

Drop the therapy and start lifting weights. I'm not kidding. If the problem is that you feel things are gonna be a slow decline from here, then fight it . Make that your new goal, even if you know it to be a losing battle. It will focus your mind on demonstrable milestones like hitting new deadlift personal best. Even if you do something else, at the very least recognize that you've gotten to the point where you don'…

Terrible suggestion. Full stop. OP: Do not stop therapy.
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