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What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

nytimes.com

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Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#221

Post by kaitai »

chillwaves wrote: post #193
tomjakubowski wrote: post #156

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your comment rings so true for me. I have had nearly the same experience with depression, talk therapy, and ritualistic self-care. > (I still suck at cleaning the shower often enough, and I never make my bed) I stopped using the top/flat sheet, which means "making the bed" is as simple as fluffing the pillows and shaking your duvet/comforter/quilt out over the bed. The flat sheet is responsible for probably 95% of th…

Keep in mind the flat sheet provides a barrier to protect your comforter from your gross body. Sheets are easier to wash than a comforter.

In much of the duvet-loving world (but not the US), you just use a duvet-cover on the comforter, and wash that as you would the top sheet.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#222

Post by narag »

DanBC wrote: post #210
narag wrote: post #192

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Excuse me if I stray out a little (I wholeheartedly agree with your comment) and ask you how is that your bed needs making. Are these things uncommon over there? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duvet I hate making my bed so I can't be happier now :)

People need to change the sheets and pillow cases and duvet covers. When some people are depressed they find these habits harder to maintain. After a while they've become deconditioned, and they're still unmotivated, and it can be hard to get back into a routine.

Sadly I know. But you already needed to wash traditional bed dressing, actually one more sheet. The task of making the bed is much simpler with duvets, at least for me: I just take the thing with both hands, shake it a little and place it all over the bed. Compare that with placing correctly the upper sheet, the blanket and the covers. It's like ten seconds vs one or two minutes.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#223

Post by oceanghost »

phkahler wrote: post #212
oceanghost wrote: post #185

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I never really believed in Freudian stuff until my first wife. Her subconscious was a monster.

That's part of the stigma. Some of the concepts and models sound goofy (crazy) to those who haven't experienced it. Freud though... I'm not impressed with him in the slightest.

No stigma here. Just don't know how to get a person who thinks everyone is crazy but her, help.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#224

Post by nkzednan »

spdustin wrote: post #9

I feel like this should be left here: Everybody you meet has a secret smile, and a secret pain. If your secret pain feels like a weight you can no longer carry, please talk to someone. Anyone. Lay down your burdens, and give your shoulders a rest. If you're in the US, there's the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 LGBT folks in the US might also consider The Trevor Project Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 I…

> Everybody you meet has a secret smile, and a secret pain.

There's another good quote I've heard: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ian_Maclaren) I have heard it with " you know nothing about" at the end.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#225

Post by astura »

fjsolwmv wrote: post #188
astura wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a therapist that once suggested taking herbs for an non-treatable medical issue and another time antibiotics for a cold. I can't believe I actually paid money to see her.

Why are you discussing a cold or antibiotics with a therapist anyway? They can't prescribe drugs.

Because I had a cold and she noticed and told me to call my doctor to get antibiotics.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#226

Post by djflutt3rshy »

lazyant wrote: post #216
danschumann wrote: post #60

One thing that helped me was seeing depressed thoughts as transient entities, not belonging to me, but just passing through my mind once and a while. It's like a weird dream. If you have a weird dream, you don't think, "oh I'm weird", you think, "that was a weird dream". It's the same with depressed thoughts: if you see them as "oh that's a depressing thought", rather than, "I'm depressing", then it's easier for thos…

Somehow related, when you have a problem or a decision to make, thinking about you in the third person apparently helps.

Whenever I have anxious thoughts or worries, I imagine my friend having them instead, and me giving them advice. That advice tends to be a lot less self-critical and more helpful.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#227

Post by spdustin »

AnIdiotOnTheNet wrote: post #64
spdustin wrote: post #9

I feel like this should be left here: Everybody you meet has a secret smile, and a secret pain. If your secret pain feels like a weight you can no longer carry, please talk to someone. Anyone. Lay down your burdens, and give your shoulders a rest. If you're in the US, there's the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 LGBT folks in the US might also consider The Trevor Project Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 I…

I, for one, can count the number of times that talking to someone has helped my depression on 0 hands. That includes professionals. I don't know how other people who've suffered depression most of their lives feel, but I can't stand this advice. It reeks of being the lowest effort possible by someone who has no understanding whatsoever of what they're talking about and prefers to just parrot something that sounds goo…

I suffer from clinical depression. Talking absolutely helped me, as did medication and cognitive behavioral therapy. But when suicide is on one’s mind, there is no time to make an appointment. Sometimes the act of talking it out with a third party can help give you the strength you need to seek a more effective treatment.

I’m sorry that talk therapy didn’t work for you. It has, however, shown to be effective at disarming suicidal thoughts long enough for other outcomes to seem attainable.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#228

Post by wglb »

rjurney wrote: post #14

It is unfortunate that stigma around mental illness causes most people to view psychiatric hospitals as places to avoid at all cost, as they have a stigma so terrible going to one is like dying multiple deaths. After that you're 'legally' crazy (whatever the fuck that means)! In fact, if you need one, if you are severely depressed or hallucinating, a hospital is exactly the place for you. You will most likely love it…

I have direct personal experience to know that Everyone gets better in the hospital. is absolutely false.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#229

Post by wglb »

rjurney wrote: post #152
rjpr wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think we have very different definitions of control. To me, having control over when I leave is being able to walk out of the building at any time. Full autonomy. Having to petition some entity is the antithesis of control from my point of view.

You don't petition anyone. Unless you were committed or attempted suicide, you get to sign yourself out. I've seen it happen.

I have seen it NOT happen.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#230

Post by wglb »

djajshgsjja wrote: post #121
astura wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're getting downvoted, but I am not sure that's really fair. I've been thinking this topic today. I happened to lose a (young) family member to suicide a couple days ago and, shit, that bothers me immensely. Every time the subject of suicide comes up the first thing that is said is "call the hotline," however, in the last couple days, I have been questioning if suicide hotlines are evidence based. I have zero idea…

I’m sorry for your loss. The same thing happened in my family. It gets better with time.

It gets better with time. I am not convinced that this is the case.
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