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What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

nytimes.com

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Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#61

Post by Klathmon »

staunch wrote: post #52
Klathmon wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sadly yes. I honestly don't have any numbers to backup my feelings, but I know that a lot of people truly fear the police, and possibly for good reasons. A while ago we had to call the police on a loved one that we were fearing was suicidal. By the end of the whole night the only thing that happened was the loved one was stuck with a rather large hospital bill as they were admitted (then discharged the next day), and…

> I honestly don't have any numbers to backup my feelings... Then you don't know what's true and you should want to find out. Otherwise you risk spreading very harmful anti-intellectual and anti-science misinformation. > And even if statistically the police aren't that likely to hurt someone, the frequency that it's happening and the growing resentment on both "sides" can make it so that many people will want to atte…

But the feelings are just a symptom, they aren't the problem.

You can throw out stats that say it's not likely, but that won't cause me to really worry any less when I need to decide if I call the police on a loved one, or if I call the neighbor.

I honestly wish I didn't bring up the "hurt or killed" aspect of this, as that is always the thing that ends up devolving into internet fights. Worries of ending up with large medical bills from police interaction, or being charged with a small crime and losing your job, friends, house, etc... are much more worrisome in my opinion.

Regardless of how based in reality these feelings are, the police need to handle it. The solution isn't pulling out stats and saying "this isn't really an issue", because it clearly doesn't work.

Health insurance reform is so badly needed in this country, and the police need to work with the communities, they need to build trust, they need to show the community that they aren't dangerous, they need to show that they won't jump at any opportunity to charge someone with a crime.

I fully understand that asking police to go more lenient on arrests and charges when on a wellness call will end up with some possibly very bad people "getting away with it", and that asking police to put their guns down and even possibly disarm themselves in some situations will lead to officers getting injured or killed. But the arms race of everyone distrusting everyone else is going to end up with a much larger amount of harm in the long run.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#62

Post by pests »

soared wrote: post #47
rjpr wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My comment implied no such thing. I was simply stating that you can't just up and leave should you so wish, you getting released is not in your control.

Except that its /rarely/ not in your control. I'm unable to find numbers, but I find it hard to believe that any significant amount of people's requests to leave are taken to court.

It's policy. Request to leave. Petition the court. It's seriously standard practice and par for the course.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#63

Post by pests »

soared wrote: post #25
rjpr wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Personally I'd avoid them at all costs due to the loss of control. You can't just decide "I'm done" or "I don't like it here", you getting released is at the discretion of people that you don't even know.

You are part of the problem - you're making it seem like some evil doctors tie you down. The reality is if you bring yourself to a hospital you just request to leave and . Doctors have the ability to petition the courts to keep you there. It goes to a US Court, not some evil medical doctor's back office. http://www.disabilityrightsohio.org/when-person-wants-releas... Even if you're forced to go a mental facility by f…

I mean, they literally can tie you down.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#64

Post by AnIdiotOnTheNet »

spdustin wrote: post #9

I feel like this should be left here: Everybody you meet has a secret smile, and a secret pain. If your secret pain feels like a weight you can no longer carry, please talk to someone. Anyone. Lay down your burdens, and give your shoulders a rest. If you're in the US, there's the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 LGBT folks in the US might also consider The Trevor Project Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 I…

I, for one, can count the number of times that talking to someone has helped my depression on 0 hands. That includes professionals.

I don't know how other people who've suffered depression most of their lives feel, but I can't stand this advice. It reeks of being the lowest effort possible by someone who has no understanding whatsoever of what they're talking about and prefers to just parrot something that sounds good to them. I'd honestly rather have people tell me they think I'm a weak pussy who should just suck it up, because at least their being open and honest about their lack of give-a-damn.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#65

Post by ams6110 »

Klathmon wrote: post #6
kyleperik wrote: post #4

Great article, but what is this about? Is this really true? > But remember that interactions with law enforcement can vary wildly, depending on race and socio-economic background.

Sadly yes. I honestly don't have any numbers to backup my feelings, but I know that a lot of people truly fear the police, and possibly for good reasons. A while ago we had to call the police on a loved one that we were fearing was suicidal. By the end of the whole night the only thing that happened was the loved one was stuck with a rather large hospital bill as they were admitted (then discharged the next day), and…

It's dependent upon which officer is dispatched. Some, perhaps many, especially those who are more experienced and intelligent, and have been trained in mental health crisis intervention, will be helpful. Others who are inexperienced or not trained will just want to handcuff the person and throw them in an ambulance by any means necessary.

Most cops will want to help a suicidal person. The ones who handle it badly make the headlines and the viral internet stories.

The other problem is that "the system" is not really set up to help people who are suicidal to the point that the police are called. They will be sent to the psych ward at the nearest public hospital for evaluation, where they will be seen by overworked staff who know nothing about the person's history. Especially if they have no means to pay, they will be discharged as soon as possible and there will be little followup.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#66

Post by Broken_Hippo »

mywittyname wrote: post #56
Broken_Hippo wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes. My ex attempted suicide. I came home from work and found him. I called an ambulance, naturally. The cops came. While the ambulance was taking him away (to the opposite hospital they said they were going), the cops questioned me. The male was rather nice in mannerisms, but the female... She told me it was my fault and berated me for my messy house. I was accused of hiding a meth lab (My house was messy, but it wa…

This was my experience as well. I hope you and your ex are doing well now.

Thank you, and I*m sorry you have had to experience something simlar.

I'm personally doing well. A good amount of time has passed since then (15-16 years), so lots of positive life changes and healing and stuff.

Not so sure about the ex, in part because I lost contact with him some years ago and in part because his suicide attempt was caused by major mental illness. He was on disability last I knew and I was pretty sure he still suffers. But it also wasn't a situation I could stay in. His mental illness kept me there longer than I might have done otherwise, honestly.

I hope everyone involved in your situtation has fared well.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#67

Post by megaman22 »

mywittyname wrote: post #53
Someone1234 wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you're in the US, you may also wish to think twice before calling the cops on a loved one, particularly if they're only a danger to themselves (and not you or others). Police in the US rarely receive training[0] in dealing with suicidal individuals, and are instead trained to escalate the situation and or use violence for a resolution[1]. There are numerous examples of the police turning up on a suicide call and k…

I suspect this is a driver of the increased suicide rate. People are afraid to tell others because they don't want to deal with the police/authorities, so they don't get the help they need. My sister attempted suicide as a teenager and the police that responded spent hours ransacking our home and further tormenting my family for no good reason. Then to think of her being locked up in the hospital (I wasn't able to se…

There also seems to be this weird stigma about admitting that you have ever contemplated suicide. People seem to take that as some sort of signal that you are completely unhinged.

Maybe I'm a nutcase, but I've taken the time to prepare a set of scenarios under which I would no longer want to live, and think about what would need to be taken care of to exit the world without undue burden on those that depend on me. That seems like an eminently rational thing to do.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#68

Post by ams6110 »

Klathmon wrote: post #41
drak0n1c wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Statistics show that such a danger is very tiny compared to the benefit of seeking the aid of law enforcement for every race, even if you don't filter out cases where the officer was purposefully antagonized. Social media and 24/7 news is incentivized to publicize negative outliers. Similar to fear around radical terrorism - there is a pattern, but statistically it's not an issue worth altering your lifestyle around.…

Which is only one part of my comment, and it's the one that (in my experience) people worry about the least (but it's always the one that people like to talk about the most). What about the problem of police causing massive medical bills? What about the issue of fearing police involvement because they may charge you with a petty crime that can cause you significant issues? Or the worry that you could be arrested and…

I know a few cops, and they tell me that they don't worry about small amounts of weed (even though it's not legal here) because the local prosecutor doesn't want to bother with those cases. He has bigger fish to fry.

It's not that way everywhere, but many cops are going to look at the big picture and try to do what's "right" rather than be anal about arresting people for minor transgressions.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#69

Post by tkxxx7 »

danschumann wrote: post #60

One thing that helped me was seeing depressed thoughts as transient entities, not belonging to me, but just passing through my mind once and a while. It's like a weird dream. If you have a weird dream, you don't think, "oh I'm weird", you think, "that was a weird dream". It's the same with depressed thoughts: if you see them as "oh that's a depressing thought", rather than, "I'm depressing", then it's easier for thos…

This is very important. One of the first steps of recovery is refusing to identify with depressive thoughts.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#70

Post by rhcom2 »

danschumann wrote: post #60

One thing that helped me was seeing depressed thoughts as transient entities, not belonging to me, but just passing through my mind once and a while. It's like a weird dream. If you have a weird dream, you don't think, "oh I'm weird", you think, "that was a weird dream". It's the same with depressed thoughts: if you see them as "oh that's a depressing thought", rather than, "I'm depressing", then it's easier for thos…

I look at it like my brain is lying to me. "Hey, you want to die" ... "No I don't brain, you're full of shit."
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